Dear Dr. Laura:
Twelve years and three kids after my wedding, my marriage was in rough shape. I was a stay-at-home mom who homeschooled, but babydom and toddlerhood with three kids had taken its toll. I wasn't being my husband's girlfriend, and we grew apart. A pornography addiction almost split us up.
I was outwardly angry at first, but then I read your book "
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage." I started to implement the suggestions. He still lied and tried sneaking around, but through it all, I was steadfast in just loving him. There were so many days when I didn't want to. I didn't want to rub his feet or greet him warmly. I didn't want to make him his favorite meals. I didn't want to lovingly see him off in the morning. After five months of loving him, despite his selfish and mean ways, and after telling him I wasn't going anywhere because we owed our children a peaceful home, I thought nothing would change. Then I started teasing him instead.
One day I found a plumbing screw in his shirt pocket. So, even though intimacy was elusive for us, I approached him and said, "
do you want to...." and pointed to the object I was holding. After that, I began leaving it in his jeans, his shirt or by the sink. After two weeks of this silliness, I got the kind of change I never could have imagined. He now brings me gifts, does caring things, is complimentary, helpful and I'm the envy of all my friends. It took time, but I fully credit your ways and my resolve to see it through to my new happy life. I hope all women have the courage to keep going even when it doesn't feel like it's worth it.
Julia
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