According to your research and vast knowledge, I should not be married right now. I came from a divorced home and had a baby at the age of 19 who had no father. I met my husband when my first daughter was 6 months old. We got married 15 months later at the age of 21. The marriage was done against the wishes of his family because I WAS A MESS.
We fought all the time and I didn't know how to treat him. Going to church cleaned up the drugs and alcohol, but I still didn't know how to be married. I tried to get divorced many times, but I took the advice of my pastor to stay since there was no infidelity and we were safe. Then along came your book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" during year 5 of our marriage. This book helped me so much, but I still could not get over some issues that I thought were his. You see, my dad ran around on my mom all the time and she would always take him back until one day she was served divorce papers. I told myself I would never be the fool who takes back a cheater. When I picked my husband it was because he was the total opposite of my dad. That's what I looked for, but then I treated him like my dad. I was always waiting for him to be unfaithful, always suspicious of him, always on guard to "catch" him so I would not be the fool.
I found your podcast and listening to your program I realized I had some major damage to deal with. I then purchased your book "Bad Childhood Good Life." I read it in three days desperately trying to find the answers for my marriage. The book brought me hope. It encouraged me to look ahead and not backwards. Finally I decided to make THE CHANGE. It was either from the book or from your show you told a caller "he is not your dad." Every time my stomach began to turn in knots I would tell myself "he is not your dad", "he chose to marry you", and "you are the one he picked". It was not easy at first to say these things. It was very scary. However, the moment I started to do that, my marriage changed. My husband changed. He was more confident than ever before. He worked harder at his job than ever before. He was happy to come home. He now stares at me with love and desire for me that I have not seen in a long time. I married a good man. He just did not marry a good woman.
Thank you, Dr. Laura, for helping me be the girlfriend my husband deserves. With your help I will be able to stop the cycle of dysfunction to be passed on to my 3 daughters. They are worth it, my husband is worth it, and I am worth it.
Janine
