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11/08/2013
Dear Dr. Laura,
Today is my 33rd wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, it won’t be shared with my wife. I separated from my wife 4 months ago and in 8 months I will file for a divorce. You see one year ago I told my wife that she needed to change or the marriage was over.
Over the last 20 years, I lost my girlfriend, the woman I loved and the woman I thought I married. We had been going for marriage counseling for the last 20 years. (20 years and we still needed counseling?) Something wasn’t working and it was the way my wife was treating me. She has treated me with contempt, disrespect and disdain. She even influenced our three children to do the same. Whose fault was it to allow this kind of treatment towards me? It was mine.
I finally began to wake up to this about 6 years ago when my wife tuned me into your show. I instantly became a fan and my wife began to dislike what you were saying. She was drinking the feministic Kool-aid by the jug and her disdain toward me grew. She would deny that, but her actions and words showed the opposite. She would tell me didn't like listening to you anymore and would not finish reading your book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, because it made men sound like simpletons. (I have read it a number of times.) I even bought a podcast membership to your show for her, which she declined. I responded by saying your book talks about men being simple and easy to please, not simpletons. I believe she didn’t want to admit that she failed to care for me and had no desire to do so. She even accused me of trading Biblical values for the Dr. Laura propaganda. I have not lessened the Biblical values of marriage at all. I have found that you provide real life examples of what a Biblical marriage looks like. Your book is how to take care of a husband from a man’s perspective. All I wanted from my wife is to treat me with respect, honor, dignity and value. I tried to communicate that to her for the past 6 years or more. I guess I didn't do a very good job. I continued to get more resistance and contempt from her which led me to believe that the chances of my wife and I ever experiencing a true and real intimate marriage would be slim to none. That’s when I realized I was pushing a rock uphill and decided to end the marriage.
Am I happier? No, but I am less unhappy. I know that I will recover, and it will take time to heal from the abuse I have taken and allow myself to receive. As I heal, I will then be in a better place to choose a real woman next time, which I am looking forward to. I am not alone. In fact, I know many men in the same or worse state of marriage and treatment than me. Don’t stop speaking out against feminism Dr. Laura. Continue to be the advocate for the proper care and feeding of men. If women won’t wake up to this then maybe men will. I did.
Unloved by my wife, but not unlovable,
Derryl
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