Dear Dr. Laura,
Why do women pick bad guys? First off, I'm a man, so I can't say firsthand why women pick bad men, I can only speculate based on my observations and past experience of when I was single.
In my opinion, a good guy is rejected by women who chose what some would characterize as "good-looking losers." These same women would adamantly tell you they "just want to meet a nice guy." I think that is often a lie to themselves, because they've rejected plenty of nice guys in their lives, but the nice guys just didn't "do it" for them. Let's face it: Nice guys are boring. Even exciting nice guys are boring. "Why can't I meet a nice guy?" they would ask. "Because you don't want a nice guy," is the simple answer.
So, why, then, do women pick bad men? I wouldn't be the first to propose the theory women are hard-wired to be excited by dangerous, alpha-male, BAD men. They know these men are bad for them, but they just can't help it. Unfortunately, I think most PEOPLE, not just women, end up making bad choices because of this evolutionary hard-wiring. Fortunately, if we work hard enough at becoming mentally healthy, we can certainly override this hard-wiring, much like we can stop ourselves from grabbing food off of someone else's table in a restaurant, no matter how hungry we are.
Unfortunately, though, it has been my experience that most people are just not healthy enough to be in a healthy relationship or attract a likewise healthy mate. I propose most people will not only be unattractive to healthy mates, they will deliberately choose someone bad for them. They know it's a bad choice, they get warnings from friends and family, they even will admit to themselves that this is just plain crazy to be in a relationship with their bad choice, but, as you often say, denial is a powerful drug. People's egos can fool them into just about anything.
Dr. Laura, please keep up the fight, because I know there are healthy people out there and I'm certain a lot of unhealthy people CAN get healthy if they want to. You have been one of the guiding forces in my own personal journey to becoming healthy and I'm sure there are countless others who would say the same. I'm trying very hard to pass on this foundation to my children so hopefully they won't have to suffer from choosing poorly. Thank you for all that you do.
Ralph
