Dear Dr. Laura,
Recently, I heard a young male caller with "trust issues" lament he was too nice and young women didn't like guys who are too nice. I simply had to respond with a young woman's perspective. One of my favorite lines from Stephen Sondheim's "Into the Woods" musical is "Nice is different than good." When a person describes themselves as "too nice," it really means spineless. Someone who is "too nice" lets people walk all over them in the desperate hope people might like them. A guy who is "too nice" is not referring to his compassion, kindness, generosity and strength that he offers to those he loves; that is a Good Man, not a Nice Guy.
As a woman, I didn't want a Nice Guy, I wanted a Good Man, and I have been fortunate enough to find one. My husband is a Good Man, the best man I know. He is kind and caring, but he is also strong and has wonderful integrity. I esteem him; his kindness comes from an overflowing heart, not desperation for approval. When women tell a guy he is too nice, we are really saying that he is too needy, too clingy, or too spineless to be man enough for a relationship. When women tell a man he is too nice, we really mean we do not respect him because he has limited character. Plenty of girls will probably date him because every girl loves a free meal and he is probably good for that. But, if he wants a woman to love and respect him, he needs to earn it by being a man who knows what he stands for. If he want to date a woman of character, he needs to be a man of character.
Thank you for all that you do; my husband and I both love your program and are so grateful for all your advice.
Sincerely,
Ashlee
