Dr. Laura Blog

Having a miscarriage is one of the most painful events a woman can experience. As a husband, here’s how you can be there for your wife:

1. Physically be there. Hug her. Provide any medical attention she needs.

2. Take charge. Take care of the cooking, cleaning, and other stuff around the house.

3. Be ready to talk at a moment’s notice. Hold her and remind her that it’s not her fault. Tell her you love her and that nothing has changed.

4. Be careful what you say. One of the worst things you can say is, “Don’t worry, we’ll make another baby.” You may mean well, but it makes you sound dismissive and insensitive.

5. Express your feelings. Many men don’t want to be vulnerable in front of their wives. Let her see you cry. Let her see that it’s hurting you as much as it’s hurting her.

6. Get her mother and/or sister to be there. Somebody needs to be the lioness at the gate. When family and friends call, your wife is not going to want to repeat the details to everyone. Let her mother/sister fend off the calls.

7. Take care of yourself.  Don’t drink or use drugs. Understand there’s nothing you can do to fix this, and you need to address your feelings of loss and helplessness.

8. Be patient. Moving forward can take weeks or months. Don’t push your wife to move on from it. If your wife feels that you are insensitive during this painful time, your marriage could be over. Don’t plan for the future. Just tenderly recover together.