Parenting

Getting A Second WindAt Romance By Emily Sue Harvey www.renewalstories.com How many of us know that male and female ways of saying "I love you"can vary as widely as grilled steak to scrambled eggs? And bothapproaches are exquisitely profound. And how many know that as theyears pass and the children marry and leave, romance can be evenhotter? Hah! You didn#146;t expect that, did you? It's true. Romance can be just as exciting after you get your secondwind. How to do that? I asked my husband, Lee, which memories of mylove offerings through the years have really stuck. At the same time,as a love exercise, I replayed those moments when his tributes to mecaused the moon and stars to glow brighter. How many of us know that itis this gender-uniqueness that gives romance sizzle and endlessdelights? The phenomenon is universal...and timeless. Despite culturaldistinctions, boiled down to man/woman affairs, romance is a deliciousgift. One that needs, from time to time, to be cultivated and nurtured. How to Get A Second Wind at Romance: Masculine Ways to Say I Love You: BE THE PROTECTOR: Nothing says to a woman "you are loved" like her man's protectivestance. He is her rescuer by taking charge when things get rough. Likecar trouble and a busted water pipe. And, in my case, helping balancethe checkbook. Lee#146;s mind is more mathematical than mine is and he's mywalking calculator (while I'm his spell checker). At other times,during tragedies and loss, his presence is like that of a goldenknight. Those strong arms and rumbling voice do magic to lift mywounded spirit. All these add up to a dynamic role: hero. BE WILLING TO CHANGE: My spouse grew up in an alcoholic home where chaos reigned. For years,he fought his demons of mistrust and anger. Because his love for me wasso strong, he sought help in conquering those demons. Throughcounseling and therapy, he emerged a man's man who knows who he is andisn't threatened by anybody or anything. A man who can submit to suchscrutiny and humility is, in my book, a real hunk. VALIDATE HER: Daily, my spouse let's me know that I'm important to him. That I am nota threat to his sense of self and masculinity. That my love offeringsto him don't go unnoticed. He thanks me for every caring gesture. Thismorning, as I went about tidying up the kitchen, he sat down at thetable and read from Proverbs 31, prefacing it with, "this is you," andwent on to extol the virtues of the virtuous woman. I grinned wheninstead of the wife sitting at her spinning wheel, he had her sittingat her 'computer.' Ahh. Modern day life. He tells me daily how"beautiful" I am and how lucky he is that I chose him. Several times aday, in fact. What woman can resist such affirmations? TOUCH OFTEN: How many of us women know that his touch is like no other? We need thatmasculine stroke, gentle yet territorial and protective. It's the onethat wakes up and finely tunes our sexuality. Makes us think "what aman!" Ahhh. Need I say more? Feminine Ways to Say I Love You: NURTURE: Surprise! Sexual overtures did not lead Lee's parade of memorablelove-gestures references. Rather, he expressed appreciation for thenurturing role I play in his life. In particular, he enjoys the nice,clean home I provide for him. So all that mundane cleaning activity isnot in vain, huh? My taking care to prepare his favorite foods giveshim pleasure, as does his always having clean clothing to wear. ENCOURAGE: I was surprised when Lee told me I played a big role in the formationof his ethics. That my encouragement and validation, through the years,helped shape his ideals. I try to daily thank him for who he is andwhat he is in my life. Too, I express my joy that he chose me. I amhumbled by the fact that this has such an impact on his life. I, too,have tried to change with time and circumstances. To be adjustable is ablessing, not only to my spouse, but to myself as well. BE HIS PARTNER: Another surprise: my taking an active role as his teammate is high onLee's accolades totem. That I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him inlife, facing and fighting the same challenges is gratifying andsupportive to him. The financial arena is one in which teamwork andcommon goals are essential, one we work at. Each partner is equal inpower. We don't have the same strengths but somehow, mystically, in thefinal analysis and resolution, they meld and blend until we don't knowwhere one ends and the other begins. SEXUALITY AND GROOMING: Aha. Here it comes. I was delighted to know that my grooming habits hadnot gone unappreciated. My care to keep myself clean, fresh-smelling,and attractive paid great dividends. Yep. It really, really did. Itgoes hand in hand with being sexually appealing, from both mine and hisend of the romance. He, too, treasures my touch. Yes, he really, reallydoes. After all, this is the bottom line in a passionate relationship. Isn't love fantastic? Romance can be renewed all throughout life. Yes,indeed, it can. All that's needed sometimes is that second wind tospark it back to life! Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat storieshaveappeared in dozens of anthologies including Chicken Soup for theSoul,Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, TrueStory, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World . Emily Sueserved as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009.Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Herfirst novel, Song of Renewal, published by Story Plant, will bereleased in the spring of 2009. For more information visit www.renewalstories.com .Permission granted for use onDrLaura.com.