Give Presence NotPresents
By Thomas Haller and ChickMoorman
www.personalpowerpress.com
The holiday season is fast approaching and many parents are concernedabout the family financial situation and the money problems they may beexperiencing? As if rising food prices, stock market instability andskyrocketing health care costs weren#146;t enough, parents now have theadded concern of finding available money to put a few presents underthe Christmas tree or share a gift during the family's Hanukkahcelebrations.
The giving of gifts is an honored tradition in most homes during theholiday season. Many parents are wondering what they will give thisyear as they tighten the money belt and attempt to weather thefinancial storm through the holiday.
Perhaps the answer lies in the gifts that are given. Give children whatthey really want from their parents, presence not presents. Allchildren spell love T-I-M-E. What we can give to them is our attention,our availability, our mindfulness, our closeness, our time.
Are you being fully present with your children? Can you let go of yourworry about money and the giving of gifts? Can you suspend your agendato focus on theirs? Can you learn to be there for and with yourchildren?
Consider the following suggestions as a way to give the most importantpresent, your presence this holiday season.
Be there regardless of what you are doing. The holiday seasonrequires an added measure of balancing kid's schedules, workresponsibilities, visiting family, cooking elaborate meals as well asregular requirements of keeping up with the laundry, etc.. When feelingpulled in several directions many parents turn to multi-tasking. We'resuggesting that you avoid the urge to multi-task and strive to stayfocused on the moment at hand. When you sit with your children, whetherit#146;s to play a game or read a book, give them your undivided attention.
Make a "Be" choice. How you choose to "be" affects whatever youchoose to do. When you are with your children choose to be interestedin what they are interested in. Choose to be happy that you have thetime to focus on their needs and wants. Choose to be excited about thetime you have with them. Even when misbehavior occurs in your children,choose to be glad that you have the opportunity to help them learn anew behavior or a new way to communicate a desire or express a feeling.
Focus on listening rather than telling. Children spend a greatportion of their day following directions such as, pick up yourclothes, make your bed, sit down, be quiet, go play, chew with yourmouth closed, stop picking on your brother, hang up your coat, brushyour teeth. The list of commands seem unending. Remember, children havevaluable things to say too. Many times parents get so focused ontelling that they forget to listen. Value your children#146;s opinion.Allow opportunities to vent. Embrace their point of view. Invitesuggestions. Listen to their voice.
Connect physically. Touch is a powerful way to communicate "Ilove you." Get close and touch your children#146;s heart with a warmembrace or a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Snuggle under a blanketand read together. Go for a walk and lock hands. Wrestle on the livingroom floor. Distribute hugs, smiles, winks and an occasional high five.
Connect emotionally. Feelings are always more important thanthings. Create an environment where it is safe to be emotional.Encourage the expression of feelings. Allow your feelings to extend toyour children as you share traditions, reflect on holidays past andgather as a family. Have empathy, compassion and understanding.
Unplug from the electronic world. The television, computer,video games, and ipods have the potential to create a disconnect frompersonal interaction. Unplug, turn it off, and walk away. While ridingin the car unplug the headphones, turn off the DVD player and tell yourchildren a story about the day they were born or about a favoriteholiday memory. Shut down the computer, turn off the x-box and play agame of chess, checkers or monopoly together. Stand up, walk away fromthe TV and go shoot baskets, skip rope, or ride bikes with your child.
Play by the kid's rules. Play with your children at theirlevel. Build mud pies, jump in rain puddles, roll down a hill, sprayshaving cream on the kitchen table and join in the creation of artisticdesigns. Cover the driveway in sidewalk chalk. Let your children takethe lead and change the rules of a game if they want. Know that play,no matter how childish or silly it may appear, is an investment inconnecting with your children. Play regularly and remember the reasonfor play is to play, not to win.
Make a commitment this holiday season to give the best gift you cangive by being present in your child's life. Be active and interactiveon a daily basis with your children. Be the parent you were called tobe. Give your presence.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10Commitments:Parenting with Purpose
. They are two of the world's foremostauthorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. Theypublish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or toobtain more information about how they can help you or your group meetyour parenting needs, visit their website today:
www.personalpowerpress.com
.Permission granted for useon DrLaura.com.
