So You Want To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl@homebodies.org
Copyright 1997
(Note from Cheryl: Homebodies was born several years ago, after achecker at a convenience store refused to accept my home number as a"real work number". Infuriated, I wrote a 2500-word letter to the editorof our local newspaper, outlining why I believed deciding to become astay-at-home mom was as valid a career choice as any other.
Reader response was so great, the editor asked me to write a weeklycolumn, which spread to scores of other print and online publications,sparked several books and the popular
www.homebodies.org
, and fired an e-zine currently read by35,000 subscribers and their friends. It's a perfect example of makinglemonade out of lemons. If that checker was still around, I'd shake hishand!
I hope you'll enjoy this condensed version of that first letter to theeditor.)
I have found the Promised Land, and it is in my own backyard.
The honey flows sweetly, whether soft spring breezes are ruffling mychildren's hair, or the kids are splashing through summer's sprinklers,or I join them tumbling in autumn's leaves. Even smacked upside thehead with a preschooler's snowball, I love being a stay-at-home mom.
I am a thirty-something, college-educated, work-oriented woman. Rankinghigh on my list of career priorities is providing the absolute best lifefor my children, my husband, and myself. I personally can best achievethat goal by putting my training and education into action on thehomefront.
Organizational skills gleaned from the classroom and workplace serve mewell as I juggle my family's needs. In my role as Chief FinancialOfficer, I take our family's paycheck and stretch it in all waysimaginable.
As Family Counselor, I untangle a web of relational challenges, fromsibling rivalry to deciphering a toddler's intricate code words. Iactually have the patience to listen to my husband's venting after ahard day, since I'm not just waiting for my chance to grind an axe aboutmy own frustrating experience at the office (although I may have a goodstory or two about the kids).
Life is certainly entertaining as I juggle various roles at our FamilyIndustrial Complex. You've seen the hats listed before: teacher,interior decorator, gardener, chauffeur, cook, laundress, accountant,secretary, physician, etc. All rolled together, they equal astay-at-home mom.
A classic Type A personality, I am sure that quitting full-time workoutside the home has extended my life considerably. I no longer feel myhead is about to explode as I rush to daycare, rush to work, rush toerrands at lunch, rush back to work, rush to daycare, rush to thesupermarket, rush home, rush supper, rush housecleaning, rush my kids tobed so I can have a moment's peace, rush to my pillow to rush in sixhours sleep before we start this all over again tomorrow.
Instead, I can follow a flexible schedule just as vital as any I used tooutline in my Daytimer. I work for a smaller corporation now, a privateentity composed of me, my husband, and our two children.
It hasn't always been this way. Although I sincerely wished I could behome with my two daughters, I didn't believe it was financiallypossible. But as I took a complete look at our finances, I found thatafter Uncle Sam, the babysitter, the car finance company and thefast-food diners took their cut, I was bringing home $39 a week.
I was sacrificing my dream of being home with my kids for less than adollar an hour. According to the figures, I had been working for thismeasly amount for almost a year.
I called my husband and asked if he could pick up $39 in overtime aweek, to which he immediately responded, "Yes." I turned in my noticethat day.
It's true. It's not how much you make, it's how much you spend. Wesold our late model luxury car and paid cash for an ancient butwell-maintained auto. Do I miss my plush car? Of course. Am I willingto work full-time so I can have it? Of course not.
So I live within my means, knowing that someday, when my children aregrown or more money appears in our household, we may choose to buy a newcar again.
Instead of racing to the restaurant for a primo lunch - and watching theclock, cursing the slow waiter, then paying triple what it would havecost to make it myself - I can brown-bag a lunch of PBJ (the perennialkid's favorite) and go to the park on a time schedule I set myself.
My luxury car languished in a parking lot when I worked. Now my oldercar patiently waits as my children and I brown ourselves under sunnyskies. We lay on our bellies, our faces inches above the microworldcontained in grass we once just trampled, discovering tiny treasures. Chubby fingers push back my hair and soft lips smack my forehead. "Ilove you, Mommy."
No car is worth this.
You probably instinctively knew all the pluses to staying home beforeyou started reading this article. Sounds like a great dream, but youcan't afford to quit work.
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Sit down with your spouse and determine your goals for your family.Don't just look at finances; include personal and spiritual goals. Whatwould be the ultimate situation for your family? What would betolerable? What is unacceptable?
Cut out everything that is wasting your money, time and energies.Discover the difference between wants and needs. Are some of your wantsstunting an area of need? Your children are precious. What expendableitems stand between them and you?
You may be proud of the beautiful house you have provided for your kids.However, if you find they spend little time there with you - that theyare instead at a childcare center while you make the money to pay themortgage, then there may be a problem in priorities.
Same thing with the fancy car. If Mom's not there to drive to funplaces, why bother?
There are universal truths, and one Truth is this: when given a choice,young children will always choose time with their beloved parents overtime with things.
If after making all the cuts you can muster, you still don't see enoughroom in the budget to leave the office behind, consider the next bestthing: working part-time.
It's not always possible for a woman to make the jump from full-timeworker to stay-at-home mom in one leap, even if she wants to. There aremany reasons she might choose to work part-time first.
Maybe the budget won't allow a total break right now. Maybe herhusband's a little nervous. Maybe she's not sure exactly how she willlike being home all the time. Whatever the reasoning, going thepart-time route is a road an increasing amount of mothers are choosingto maneuver.
Cutting back on work commitments benefits both you and your children.But you may be surprised at the change in your husband, too. Instead ofevenings filled with laundry and housework, you can schedule your choresso that you get off work when he does. Now the evenings are free forfamily fun.
Deciding to stay at home is definitely an example of "less is more".Consider simplifying your life and realize the rewards of downscalingmaterial expectations. Like me, you might discover the Promised Land inyour own backyard.
Want to read more by Cheryl? Stop by her page at
Homebodies
where you can read her columns and get info on her at-home parenting books, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
", "Stay-at-Home Handbook" and "Mom to Mom". Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
