THE INHERITANCE
By Cheryl Gochnauer
I spotted my mother in the most unexpected place the other day. She lives four hours away, but as I passed the hall mirror, I saw her.
It was just a flash, but there she was - the familiar expression, the tilt of the head, the amused glint in the eyes. She had gained a bit of weight and her hair was red instead of silver-salted brown. But it was definitely her. And it was definitely me.
For most of us, comparisons begin the day we're born, as observant relatives decide which parent we favor. The benign competition goes on, as each set of genes asserts itself over the years. I watch my own daughters, thanking God they've inherited their daddy's long legs while admiring my own contribution of shiny carrot-tops.
But I don't want my influence on these precious little ones to only run skin-deep. There's a greater inheritance to share with them, as we spend these fleeting years together - and the years are passing at an amazing rate. My preteen's time at home is more than half over. It seems she just got here! I've still got a few years to guide her, though, and I plan to make the best of those teachable moments sprinkled throughout our relationship.
At the risk of sounding like I need to be in a rocking chair, I must say that when I was ten, I was surrounded by the turbulent uprisings of the late '60s. The U.S. was on fire then, literally and emotionally. Societal shifts sprang from that decade, then reverberated through my teen years in the '70s.
By the time I became a young adult, I had swallowed the "I'm okay, you're okay" hook whole. "I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." It sounds pretty good, this "can't we all just get along" mantra.
But as I look in my daughters' eyes, I feel a deep uneasiness in passing on such a philosophy. I don't want to leave them with a legacy of shifting sand that holds no solid ethical absolutes.
Boundaries do not trap children; rather, they define safe zones. I am resolved to teach, to tutor, to advocate the tough, honest choices now, while Karen and Carrie are still receptive to their Momma's insights. "Train up a child in the way he should go," the old proverb says. I will. And when my daughters make their future decisions, no matter how they choose, they will be able to draw upon an instilled moral compass.
That's an inheritance I can live with.
(Comments? Write
Cheryl@homebodies.org
, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org
. Her book, "
So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
," isavailable through
Dr. Laura#146;s Reading Corner
. Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)
