Parenting

Homebodies Spotlight: One Husband's Transition Homebodies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Copyright 2003 Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com Stephanie had been an at-home parent for about 10 months, and loved it.But like many wives, she ran into resistance from her husband when shefirst expressed her desire to stay home with their children. Here's alook at how they worked through their conflicting stances. Q: What was your husband's initial reaction when you brought upbecoming a SAH wife and mother? He was dead set against it; said we were in no financial position toeven consider it. He was somewhat correct about that, but it was not asgrave as he initially made it out to be. Q: How long did it take him to come around? I first brought it up around September, when our second child was aninfant and we had two in daycare, nine hours a day. I resigned my jobin June, so 9 months. Q: What kind of evidence/information did you use to sway him? I drew up a detailed budget of how much I made in take-home pay, and howover half of that went for daycare tuition payments. Add gas, lunchesout, work clothes, dry cleaning, etc. Another biggie was the dramaticchange for the worse in our older son's behavior. He picked up allsorts of bad habits due to being moved up into an inadequately staffedroom at the daycare center. His other rooms were great, but this onewas a disaster! Also, I showed my husband that I could not keep up witha full time job, two kids in daycare, keeping house, and attending toour marriage without having a nervous breakdown. He finally got thepicture. Q: Has your one-time hesitant husband ever expressed any resentment or regret that he agreed to bringing you home? No, never. We compromised; I waited to resign until after he took abetter paying position and was in that job for about 6 months. We paiddown some debt, drew up a budget and socked away as much of my salary aspossible. We barely feel the pinch financially, which leads me tobelieve that my salary was virtually non-existent after expenses. Ithink most husbands worry about the finances first and are resistant tothe SAHM idea until you convince them that you will be okay without thatextra salary. And now my husband comments on the improvement in ourhousehold and children all of the time. As Stephanie illustrated, money concerns can cause a knee-jerk "No way!"reaction from husbands when the stay-at-home subject is first laid onthe table. But keep those lines of communication open and look at allyour options, together. Then make family-focused decisions that bothspouses can support wholeheartedly. Cheryl's latest book, is "Stay-at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career,Surviving Each Day More" (InterVarsity Press, 2002). Visit www.homebodies.org/bookstore/orderSAHH.htm or write Cheryl@homebodies.org . You can also read her column on the Web at www.gospelcom.net/homebodies/experts/cgochnauer/index.php .