Dr. Laura Blog

In any marriage, communication is like oxygen - without it, the relationship dies. Here are 6 ways to improve communication with your spouse:

1. Don’t accuse. If you want to have a quality relationship, tact and tenderness are very important. If you start with accusations, your spouse will immediately get defensive and the conversation will turn into a fight. Use “I” statements: “I was scared.” “I felt hurt.” “I was disappointed.”

2. Listen. Once you’ve expressed yourself, shut up and listen. It may be that you misunderstood or misinterpreted something. You won’t be able to see that unless you listen to your spouse’s point of view.

3. Give compliments. Communication is not just about airing your grievances. It’s also about telling your spouse how much you love, admire, and appreciate them.

4. Communicate nonverbally. Touch, hold hands, kiss, snuggle, cuddle, and lean up against each other.

5. Deal with problems as they come up. Issues don’t go away by keeping them bottled up. They build and become more significant over time. You can’t make something better unless you get clarification and find resolution.

6. Ask questions. Not everyone (especially men) are forthcoming with talking about their thoughts and feelings. Ask gentle questions: “I was wondering what you thought about ____?” Expressing that you’re interested goes a very long way.