Dr. Laura Blog

We have all had people let us down. Whether it’s a spouse, parent, sibling, friend, or child, it can leave you feeling angry, disappointed, and resentful.

Here’s what to do if someone keeps letting you down:

1. Don’t automatically take it personally. Ask yourself if this person does it to everyone or just you. If he or she does it to everyone, then it’s not personal - it’s simply who he or she is. Some people are just nasty, lazy, or self-centered. They tell you what you want to hear and then don’t follow through because they lack integrity or desperately want to be liked. We really don’t know what’s in someone else’s head, and we may never know.

2. Ask yourself if this is a pattern or an event. Is this person distracted by something? Is he or she going through some personal issues? If you know someone is going through a difficult time, cut him or her some slack. 

3. Have a conversation. Sometimes people don’t realize that their actions are hurtful. Let them know. You’re not telling them to change; you’re just asking for the relationship to be better. They’ll either do something about it, or they won’t.

4. Accept that you can’t control others. We don’t have the power to force people to be loving or counted on. Only you can control yourself with respect to not taking it personally or blaming yourself.

5. Stop the bleeding. If you have made your feelings known and the other person hasn’t changed, don’t stick around to continue to be let down. Become less involved or move on completely. There’s a maturity you need to develop in order to face the truth and respond appropriately.