By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr E...
www.DrEPresents.com
A bomb exploded on MTV, and your teens may have become part of the fallout. The fuse was lit years ago, however. Why didn't we do anything to disarm this bomb or snip the fuse? All of the signs were there since they were infants, on television, newspapers, magazines in the media, then on the internet, My Space, Facebook, Twitter, their cell phones... This fuse burned across all of these media, through your household and your neighbors', on the school bus and in the schools... We never looked to see where the fuse was leading, and now look what happened.
The television show,
Skins
, debuted on Viacom's MTV with a viewership of 3.3 million viewers, its highest ratings in the 12-34 year-old range. Viacom, by the way, is the same company that brings you Dora the Explorer on Nickelodeon. You don't have to look too far to see the concerns with the show
Skins
, just watch the trailer; however, I don't want the focus of this to be the show itself, which is concerning enough; the focus should be on our culture, itself, after all, we may not have lit the fuse, but we allowed it to burn all the way to the bomb itself.
Skins
Didn't Start The Fire
Back in the 80's, the heavy metal bands Judas Priest and Ozzy Osbourne were implicated in the suicide of teenagers for the lyrics in their music and this was taken to court. What I believed then and believe now is that while these teens and young adults listen to the genre of music, their musical interests were only an indicator of their beliefs, emotions and attitudes. As it pertains to
Skins
, this show is no more responsible for the sexual attitudes of our kids than heavy metal is for suicide. However, these are further influences that impact our culture and our kids.
Kids from infancy on are exposed to sexual content, whether we realize or not, and as I have discussed before in previous blogs (
Elmo Says
,
Gleeful Discretion
, and
Your Body Is Not A Disneyland
) this exposure contributes to the vernacular of their unspoken language and ours. We all have to see that we have become numb to many of the influences in our culture that became the fuse that led to this bomb. Skin is everywhere and what they have seen on TV and in the media is that sex is power and drugs are an escape. These are very powerful messages indeed, and aren't we all seeking power in some form?
Money, It's A Hit
The almighty dollar is also a huge source of power. How much money do we spend on sex, drugs, and rock and roll? The bottom line is people pay for these and watch the shows and the advertising dollars will follow. I have a few questions for Taco Bell, who recently announced that they were pulling out of their sponsorship. When did they decide to pull their sponsorship of the show, and if they saw the trailers for the show why did they think it was okay to sponsor this show in the first place?
Money makes our media world go around, and with the ferocity of the competition and limited ad dollars being spread around to that many more outlets, realize that you, as a consumer and viewer, have more power than you think. When the money hungry monster isn't fed, he dies faster and faster these days. If you don't watch the show, it will not survive. When we allow shows that endorse unhealthy and reckless lifestyles to remain in our media-driven culture, we make it okay and send a message that this behavior is okay to our kids and others.
Freedom, I Won't Let You Down
Over the past decade, the internet has become more and more of a vehicle for our belief systems and information is shared at an eye-popping speed, and many of our kids have had unprecedented and unsupervised access to it. In addition, cell phones have contributed to another avenue of exposure to life that is also often unsupervised. Like kids in a candy store without supervision, and even sometimes with supervision, many of them ate too much candy that made them sick, and they still have not learned to eat healthy.
We live in a country that values freedom, and some powers of the internet and media work to protect these freedoms that sometimes protect their interests more than ours. As a parent, it is your job to monitor and manage your child's freedom. I would prefer it not be control. Freedom comes with a price and a responsibility. Use it wisely, and teach your kids to do the same. At this time, we have a lot of work to do.
What's Love Got To Do With It? It's NOT A Second-Hand Emotion
Many of the issues our kids are having with sex, drugs and their sexual attitudes are influenced by their concept of love and their attachments and relationships to parents and others. We have serious problems with the strength of our attachments with our kids and sex and drugs often becomes a way that they are reaching out for comfort and escape from pain. Just because we give them everything they want, doesn't mean they have everything they need. Acting out behaviors, be it sex and/or drug-related are often a sign of deeper issues that go back to love and security. Step back and see what you can do to repair, heal and strengthen the gap between you and your kids.
So what should you, as a parent do about
Skins
and other more serious bombs that could still explode in our culture?
Talk about the concerns of shows like
Skins
and re-enforce the values of the family.
Give your kids more hugs and love. We all need them.
Sit down with your kids and talk with them about their life, beliefs, and attitudes.
Don't lecture, listen.
Turn off the TV and do more together as a family
Eat dinner together as a family
Meet your kids' friends, boy/girlfriends and their parents
Watch what your kids are watching with them sometimes and talk about it.
If your kids are having difficulties that you realize you can't handle, get help.
Don't just complain about what should change in our culture, do something about it.
This isn't just a game people play. These attitudes and beliefs are a way of life for an emerging generation. There are many more losers than winners, and the results can be tragic. Just like many hair and clothing styles in the past, I hope we wake up one day, look back and say, "What were we thinking?"
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E..., is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at
www.drepresents.com
to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
