So, if you want a “boundary,” the ownness is on you to express it in a clear and truthful way that tells others what they can expect. This email from a listener provides a good example. She wrote, “I’m stressed! My friend of two years is separated, raising a 10-year-old daughter and is very needy. She calls all the time and wants to get together every day. I’m an introvert by nature and like a lot of alone time. How can I explain that this friend is overwhelming me?”
Most people are too gutless to act in a situation like this. They don’t want to rock the boat, so, instead of firmly speaking up against behaviors they’d like to put an end to, many just wring their hands and complain about their boundaries being crossed.
Here’s my suggestion to this particular listener. Say, “Sweetheart, I know you’ve been through a lot and need support, but it’s really more than I can handle. It’s not comfortable for me. I have compassion for what’s going on, but I am not going to be the one who can fulfill your needs.
I hope you understand that you can’t dictate a boundary. You can only say what your limits are and what you plan to do. It’s up to YOU to speak up, tell the truth and make the wall/fence/boundary clear.
As we said in the '60s: the truth shall set you free!
What difficult truth did you have to confront? Share your thoughts with me here!