Things can be peachy keen in the beginning; happy marriage, great sex life, lots of k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Then comes baby and a number of potential threats to your marriage. First and foremost, the exhaustion. Parenting is exhausting, especially when your kids are teeny tiny and totally dependent. It's physically taxing with late night feedings, early mornings, carrying them everywhere. Then, as they get older and turn into preteens and teens who are finding their identity, you’re emotionally exhausted from arm wrestling with them. You want them to learn responsibility, but you also want to protect them. It leaves very little energy. That's the truth.
Also, think about how much conflict can come from your parenting styles. You both came from different families with different expectations on the children. I get the calls from couples who disagree on how to raise children and each spouse is saying "Well, this is how I was brought up..." BUT! You had a baby with somebody else, so you have to come to some understanding or find a way to accommodate each other’s styles instead of constantly arguing about them.
And then, somewhere down the line, you simply start to lose sight of each other. You don't pay enough attention to each other. You're probably both going in a million different directions with your kids’ sports and clubs and social activities, and you have very little left to give to your spouse at the end of the day. The lack of attention plus the emotional and physical exhaustion of raising kids can kill a marriage. It's an unnecessary mis-ordering of your priorities.
What can you do about it? Start by adopting this as your mantra:
Marriage comes first.
Marriage comes first.
Marriage comes first.
Men, hug your wife. Compliment your wife. Kiss your wife. Let your children see you scoop her up in your arms and praise her for being a great wife and mother. Every now and then do something sweet like drawing her a bath, pouring her a glass of wine and giving her a few hours off while you handle the kids.
Women, hug your husband. Compliment your husband. Kiss your husband. Let your children hear how you admire him for being a great husband and father. Wouldn’t it be nice to cook his favorite meal, hand him the remote and tell him to relax with some sports or silly movie after work.
So, after you’ve become parents, make sure that you order your priorities properly. The marriage comes first, being sweet with each other comes first, being kind and compassionate and doing some acts of service for each other comes first. When you keep your priorities straight, it’s not likely your marriage will unravel. It’s a win-win-win situation. You’ll be making your spouse’s life happier, in return your spouse will want to make you happier, and you’ll be giving your kids the greatest gift of all -- a happy, loving, in-tact home.
