When I spoke to my caller, Marnie, a divorced mom of adult children, she was at a crossroads in her relationship. After six years of dating, she and her boyfriend had started to consider their “next steps.” But Marnie didn’t know if she wanted to get remarried. In her younger years she was against shack-ups. But now she didn’t think it would hurt anything to move in with her boyfriend for convenience.
I really do understand why someone who didn’t choose wisely, had a crappy marriage and got divorced wouldn’t want to go through another marriage. But that doesn’t justify shacking up. What message does it send to children?
In Marnie’s case, the message was that, no matter how much they knew each other and liked each other, she and her boyfriend didn’t trust one another enough to get married. The message was to avoid commitment. Shacking up was a signal to their kids that there's no real hope in having something beautiful.
Think about how getting married again after heartache and disappointment can teach children something about commitment, the courage to trust again and the ability to take a leap of faith.
Of course, Marnie had another option – the perfectly good and reasonable choice to simply continue dating while living in separate households. Nothing about that hurts children.
The bottom line is that life isn't just about you. It's also about the kids. No matter how old you are, you’re always obligated to model morals, ethics and values to your children.
How are you trying to be a role model for your children? What decisions or actions are you demonstrating to them? Share your thoughts with me here!
