Dr. Laura
Dr. Laura, America's #1 Relationship Talk Radio Host
On: SiriusXM Triumph Channel 111
Call 1-800-DR LAURA (1-800-375-2872) 11am - 2pm PT
Social Issues
05/13/2010
IconEarlier this week, I got a call from a 36 year old woman who has been "shacking up" with her boyfriend for four years.' She wants to have children, but senses his ambivalence.' The answer I gave her applies to all the otherwise intelligent women who do this.You should move out and say "I've decided I've made a horrible mistake and the next time I'm living under the same roof as a man, I'm going to be his wife!"You don't demand anything.' You don't threaten anything. You act like a dignified woman, instead of an unpaid whore.' It's as simple as that.' A man who loves and respects a woman wouldn't treat you like that.When I asked this caller "What would you tell your son?" at first, she didn't understand that I was raising a hypothetical question about how she would explain this behavior to her "future" child.' She started to say, "Well, if you're both happy, and you're both-" and I immediately cut in and said she should not make babies.' If you're going to do that to your kid, don't have any.' If you're going to tell your daughter "...as long as you're happy and you're screwing your brains out every night with a guy who doesn't want to commit his life to you, it's all okay!" - we don't need any more parents like that.'That's why we have such chaos in our whole society - because you think "happy" at any one moment is the highest value.' I think honor, sacrifice, and commitment are a higher honor than taking your daily "happiness" temperature, because a man staying true to his wife, who has terminal colon cancer, instead of dating is not happy .' Is he happy ?' Then that can't be the highest quotient!If you want the world to deal on "happiness," then you have to understand that your man will leave you any day you don't make him happy, and will not honor you or any vow, because he doesn't have to!' You've already taught him that if you're "happy," that's the only thing that matters.I don't think firemen are happy to run into burning buildings.' I don't think they're "happy" doing that.' I don't think police are "happy" to surround a building where somebody says he's going to shoot everybody.' I don't think they lay awake in the morning and go "Gee, that makes me happy!"' They have honor and sacrifice and duty and commitment to something higher than "feeling good" in and of themselves.' Don't have children if you're going to teach them about "happiness."' We have enough chaos in our society because people are doing what they "feel" like when it has no meaning and no projection into the future.'If you teach your sons to screw girls if it makes them happy, and as long as she's smiling and you don't have to make any commitment, don't make babies.' We just don't need any more parents like you.' We just don't. More >>

Tags: CommitmentFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMarriageMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingPersonal ResponsibilityShacking UpShacking-UpSocial Issues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconGo ahead and guess what came out as Number 3 on AOL's "Top Searches from Mobile Devices."' Right!' It's porn.' The Wall Street Journal's Carl Bialik ( The Numbers Guy ) got the original list in a draft press release, and said he "pointed out the surprising entry" to a spokeswoman, who said that normally, such terms are "scrubbed from the list."' And guess what?' When the final list was released, "porn" was nowhere to be found, replaced by "iPhone," which was pushed up to Number 3 from Number 4 on the original draft release.It gets even better...."...Britney Spears and Saddam Hussein could each top the category of 'celebrity' and 'news,' respectively, in lists from multiple search engines.' Those search engines willing to share numbers beyond their news releases made clear that, in search land, the troubled pop singer trumped the late dictator.' Searches for Ms. Spears ran six times those for Mr. Hussein on Yahoo!, and nearly 600 times on Lycos."How embarrassing for our nation.'[sources:' Bialik article:' you can search it on WSJ.com under The Numbers Guy for December 21.' Title of article is "What Topics Filled (Clean) Minds in '07?' For One:' An Asterisk or use the link here: http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB119820461738044109-lECMb7qhI7UaxADXmlRkefZGJhI_20081220.html?mod=rss_free ] More >>

Tags: Internet-MediaInternet/MediaMorals, Ethics, ValuesSocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconWe live in a time where millions of children spend all day away from their families in facilities that have big screen TVs to amuse them, and they have caregivers for whom English is not required.' This is also the time when parents buy ever-increasing numbers of electronic gizmos to occupy their children's time - sometimes to "make them smarter," or to "make them buzz off," so that busy, busy parents can have some "well-earned down time."Whether its TV, computer games, or hand-held devices, more and more parents are inundating even babies with all of this mass-produced "input."' A recent study reported that about 40% of families with babies and young children keep the television on at all times.' "Always on" TV damages the children's ability to play imaginatively and to develop language skills.' Obviously, it reduces the number of nurturing interactions between parents and children, too.There are many so-called studies which identify programs that provide a positive influence (like "Barney," which teaches kids politeness and social cooperation).' The problem with all of these studies is that they never compare these TV-watching children to those raised in TV-free households to compare the shows to the loving attention of a parent.The problem is that we are living in a time of rising juvenile obesity and inactivity, and ever-increasing "diagnoses" of ADD and ADHD (which I believe most of the time is "kids being kids," and/or kids who don't get proper attention paid to them, with direction, support, and consequences).' This is also a time of more childhood sexual activity, leading to STDs, pregnancies, abortions and broken hearts with confused minds.So, this Christmas-time, change your adult life around and give your children "stuff to do" -- some with you and some on their own - to exercise their imaginations and give them a sense of accomplishment. More >>

Tags: ChildrenFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingSocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconI don't know how many of you know, but a little over a week ago, in New York City, a guy and a few of his friends, were on the subway - the Q train - and there were groups of people on the train, and four people come on, all Jewish.' Somebody screams out "Merry Christmas," and in good feeling, they yelled back "And a Happy Hanukkah."'Almost instantly, at least ten guys closed in on them.' One of the guys immediately hiked up his sleeve to show a tattoo of Christ, and said "Happy Hanukkah?' That's when the Jews killed Jesus."' The group then increased to fourteen, men and women, who began taunting the four Jews, and called them "dirty Jews," and "Jew bitches."' And a fight ensued.Is that why I'm telling you this story?' No.' I'm going to go back about 25 years, and I was at an art museum in Pasadena, and there was an event showing gratitude to what Jews call "the righteous Gentiles."' That is the most magnificent thing in Jewish tradition to say about a non-Jew:' to call them a "righteous Gentile."' And these are the folks who, during World War II, risked their lives and the lives of their children to save Jews from the Nazis.' When any of these people were caught, they would be shot, hung upside down in the town.' They'd watch their children die, and then they'd be killed.' You would think a lot of people would go, "Y'know what?'' I'm not going to do this.' I don't want to risk my kids and myself."' But the righteous Gentiles, who were Christian, risked everything.'' And the important part of this entire exhibit, was the part where they asked these people why were you willing to risk everything?' The lives of your children, for goodness sakes, to save a Jew?' And they all gave exactly the same answer.' I read all these reports, and I couldn't believe it - they just had me in tears.' They all said the same simple thing:' because I was brought up that that's the right thing to do. To protect people against evil - that's how I was brought up.' It was the right thing to do.' Very simple.Back to last week.' All of a sudden, these four guys and gals are being pummeled, and one person gets into the fray.' A Muslim, from Bangladesh, jumped to their aid, and was likewise pummeled and taunted, and he risked his life to help four Jews.' As one of the young people who was attacked (an honor student at Hunter College) said:' "A random Muslim guy jumped in and helped a Jewish guy on Hanukkah.' THAT is a miracle.' He's basically a hero.' He jumped in to help us."'This young man who jumped in was called a hero, and his answer was: "I just did what I had to do.' My parents raised me that way.' My father always said 'stand up for people and do good to your fellow man.'' I'm not a hero," he said.' "I did what people should do every day.' I just did what I had to do, because my parents raised me that way."' No jihad, but a commitment to stand up for people and do good for your fellow man.He also added, "It's pretty sad that someone would get offended over someone just saying 'Happy Hanukkah.'' I don't know why they flipped out so much.' They must be angry people."' Poor guy.' He's got two black eyes, and celebrated Hanukkah with the four people he helped.'One thing I don't understand is why the ten people who were arrested have not been charged with a hate crime.' I personally don't believe in hate crimes - I think if you call somebody a "dirty" something - a dirty black, a dirty Jew, dirty anything, you shouldn't get more years in jail.' You should get all those extra years in jail just for hurting them - I don't think special categories of people should exist.' It should be the maximum period.' Nonetheless, since the law is on the books, I'd sure like to know why New York hasn't charged them with a hate crime.' "Dirty Jew" and "Jew bitches" and an attack?' Sounds like a hate crime.One of the guys, who sounds like a real moron, is sadly, the son of a city firefighter, who's in Iraq right now.' This idiot teenager pleaded guilty to a 2005 bias crime against blacks.' Now it's Jews.' And you know what he said?' "I'm trying to stay out of trouble.' When I get out, I want to go into the military." I don't think so.' I don't think he's military material.' He's a jerk.' Here he is'attacking blacks and attacking Jews, and he says "I'm not a racist." More >>

Tags: Morals, Ethics, ValuesRacismSocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconI read the following email from Tina on the air the other day, but it's such a good story, particularly during this week following Thanksgiving , that I wanted to share it in this forum as well: Dr. Laura: I have to tell you about a recent shopping experience I had at the local Wal-Mart.' My family and I live in northern New York, just 15 minutes from Fort Drum.' This area is extremely "pro-military," and we like it, even though I can do away with the miserable winters. Driving to the store, I always pass through the base, and I saw all the "Welcome Home" banners hanging on the fence, meaning that a bunch of soldiers had just come home from Iraq.' When we got in the store, I couldn't help but notice soldiers who were shopping - the look on their faces was priceless!' These guys were happy to be shopping, happy to be alive, and happy to be home to family, friends, and community who are aware of their sacrifice and heroism. My six year old son was sort of oblivious to all of those dressed in fatigues until we reached the Lego aisle, and he saw a couple of soldiers in his favorite section.' He said, "Look, Mommy - some good guys!!"' "Yes, I see," I told him.' Then he asked the soldiers:' "Did you get the bad guys?"' "Yes, young man, we sure did," they assured him. My son was especially excited that the good guys liked Legos, too! Thanks. Tina More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenhusbandMarriageMilitaryParentingSocial IssuesWar
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconAs we head into Thanksgiving, and the beginning of the biggest shopping season of the year, it's time to take a stand regarding the kind of toys we buy our kids.' Case in point:1. Mattell, Inc. recalled 675,000 Barbie' Accessory toys because the paint on the surface of the accessories contained excessive levels of lead.' Lead can cause learning and behavior problems and even death.2. The Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled roughly 4 million arts and crafts toys called Aqua Dots because several children in the United States and Australia were hospitalized after swallowing some of the toy's beads.' The beads had a chemical coating that evidently was related to GHB, the "date rape" drug.3. An additional 175,000 Curious George plush dolls made by Marvel Toys were recalled because of lead on the toys' plastic faces.This past summer, the toy industry recalled more than 22 million toys because of serious danger issues.' The common denominator seems to be that all these toys are made in China.' China is the world's number one producer of toys, due to cheap labor and manufacturing costs.' While the world's governments lazily deal with tougher controls to intercept dangerous toys before they hurt our children, how about we parents taking control and only purchasing toys made in the U.S.A. this holiday season?' We should be supporting our own economy anyway.If you don't know how to find toys made in the USA, here's a start - a parent single-handedly took up the charge and created a website that links to USA-made toys. toysmadeinamerica.com/ .If you want detailed information on toys that have been recalled by the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, you can find a list of all the latest recalls at http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/category/toy.html . More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingPoliticsSocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconForgive my rage, but a lawsuit is the most gentle response I can think of for what I'd like to have happen to the members and leaders of the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas.'These pseudo-pious creeps traverse America showing up at the funerals of our fallen military carrying signs that read 'Thank God for dead soldiers' sent to fight for the 'United States of Sodomy.'' They believe that the death of US servicemen and women in Iraq is God's punishment for this country's 'tolerance of homosexuality.'' Townsfolk from across the land, local police and firefighters, Patriot Guard bikers and others have shown up each time to try to build a compassionate barrier between these vulgar desecrators and the mourning family and friends.'These religious types defend their hateful and ugly behavior by protesting that 'it is in response to the need for a warning to the country that 'your wicked ways are going to be your doom shortly.''' Church members say they're motivated by the fear of God and their need to warn America about its moral decay, rather than a desire to hurt anybody.' Oh, please.'Of course the issue of free speech (forget responsible or compassionate speech) is at the fore.' Last week, a jury ordered the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church and his two daughters to pay $10.9 million to the family of a Marine who died in Iraq, after members of the church picketed his funeral holding signs including 'God hates fags,' and 'You're going to hell.''This decision, which is being appealed, is likely to become an important test for what kind of speech is protected by the US Constitution.' In addition to the issue of whether or not the Church's hateful speech was protected, the appeal will also turn on whether Judge Richard Bennett's instructions to the jury on the First Amendment were too broad.' Bennett warned jurors that the protection of free speech has limits, including vulgar, offensive, and shocking statements and that the jury had to decide whether Westboro's actions would be highly offensive to a 'reasonable person,' and whether these actions were so offensive and shocking as to not be entitled to First Amendment protection.'Sounds like a slam dunk to any reasonable person, and the jury obviously agreed.' Our fallen heroes deserve our respect, especially at their funerals, which is something we should all remember this Veterans' Day holiday. More >>

Tags: MilitarySocial IssuesValuesVeterans
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconThis is a "huzzah" to a bunch of Democrats for doing the right thing, and we have to join them.'A group of Congressmen has asked the Department of Veterans' Affairs to reconsider its obnoxious, disgusting, and horrible ban on the flag-folding ceremony at military funerals, after the agency decided last month to "streamline" burials at Federal cemeteries.' It gets worse.However, the attempt to jerk their heads around in the right direction is being led by Representative Heath Shuler (D-NC).' He wrote a letter to the head of the Department of Veterans' Affairs which said: Dear Acting Secretary Mansfield: We are writing to express our concern regarding recently announced policies banning the traditional flag-folding recitations by Memorial Honor Detail volunteers. The flag-folding recitation is a long-standing tradition which brings comfort to the living and honor to the deceased.' The recitations accompanying each fold pay tribute to the service and sacrifice of our veterans and their families, the nation they proudly serve, and the belief that they hold dear. As our nation loses 1,500 World War II veterans every day, we feel that it is vital to insure that the final rites for these American heroes will be permitted to include the freedoms of speech and religious expression enshrined in our Constitution, and defended by their service. We ask that you please reconsider the policy and allow the Memorial Honor Detail volunteers to perform the traditional flag-folding recitation if requested by the family of the deceased... Now this letter was co-signed, and I want to give kudos to the representatives who co-signed it, and they're all Democrats.' Ask me where the Republicans are on this.' I don't know - maybe nobody called them up.' But it's co-signed by Representative Chris Carney (D-PA), Brad Ellsworth (D-IN)...and these are all great guys for doing this...Baron Hill (D-IN), Tim Holden (D-PA), Nick Lampson (D-TX), Jim Marshall (D-GA), Jim Matheson (D-UT), Mick McIntyre (D-NC), Mike Ross (D-AR), Gene Taylor (D-MS), and John Tanner (D-TN).Now I want to give you the second part of the problem, and it's so obnoxious, that it's hard for me to even write.' By the way, there's nothing in the Constitution that bans religion.' Our Constitution disallows the state to have a religion that we all have to follow, but it doesn't ban religion.' That is so abused by the atheists trying to take God out of everything, that I'm tired of it, and we have to fight back.' This is the moment to fight back, and I'll give you the address on how to do it.A complaint - one, lousy complaint....one! - made this happen.' The complaint about the recitation for the 11th fold, which says "in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob" garnered a complaint at the California cemetery and prompted the ban.' One lousy comment!By the way, the 12th fold recitation is geared to Christians, saying "the fold represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies in their eyes God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost." It's just terrible...just terrible, as one World War II Navy veteran, Bobby Castillo, 85, said:'' "It's a slap in the face to every veteran.' When we got back from the war, we didn't ask for a whole lot.' We just want to give our veterans the respect they deserve.' No one has ever complained about us.' I just don't understand."'' He is part of a 16-member detail that has performed military honors at more than 1,400 services.' They were preparing to read the flag-folding remarks at the Riverside (CA) cemetery when graveyard staff stopped them.'Charlie Waters, parliamentarian for the American Legion of California said he's advising Memorial Honor Details to ignore the edict.' "This is nuts," Walter said.' "There are 26 million veterans in this country and they're not going to take us all to prison."So, I'm very grateful to Representative Heath Shuler (D-NC), and I think we have to join in turning this around.' This is disgusting.' You take a tradition that's been going on for so long, and because one person doesn't want to hear "God," it stops?' No.' Let's turn this around.' Turn this completely around, and this is how you're going to do it.'You have to be polite, so send your letters to:The Honorable Gordon H. MansfieldActing Secretary of Veterans Affairs810 Vermont Avenue, N.W.Washington, DC' 20420Phone: 202-273-4817Email: Gordon.Mansfield@va.gov Send a letter, make a phone call, and send an email.' I want this man inundated.' I want millions of you to do this, to counteract one person who thinks they can rip God out of the universe, when our Constitution does not demand that.All of this information is on my website www.drlaura.com//action/index.html?mode=view&tile=1&id=14918 .' I am unbelievably grateful to these dozen Democrats who stood up to the plate immediately.' "Hoo-ah" to all of them!UPDATEWe spoke to Congressman Shuler's office and they're still going forward with legislation to rescind this order.' While the "clarification" from the Department of Veterans Affairs only covers volunteer honor guards, many of the cemeteries have Federal employees performing the flag-folding.'In addition, we heard from a soldier currently serving on a state Honor Guard, who told us that they often work in co-operation with local Veterans Service Organizations' honor guards.' The Veterans Service Organizations not only donate their time, but they have to maintain their uniforms, pay for gas to get to the funerals, pay for blank ammunition and weapon servicing.' They're supposed to be paid a small amount for their services, but while Congress has authorized the program to do this, they haven't actually funded it.' We need to do a lot more to honor our veterans, both living and deceased. More >>

Tags: FeminismMilitarySocial IssuesValuesVeterans
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconLike most people in this country, I have been glued to the television coverage of the fires raging through San Diego, Orange County, Los Angeles, etc.' Unlike many of you, I just need to look out my kitchen window to see and smell the eerie smoky brown sky that hangs over my neighborhood.' From this vantage point I can understand the fear and shock that is consuming the millions who are experiencing up close and very personally the ravages of Mother Nature.''''''' Much of the California coastline is burning.' Almost one million people have been evacuated and over one thousand homes and some communities have been burned to the ground.' An unknown number of people have died and scores have been injured; mostly firefighters.''''''People are living out of their cars, in the homes of friends, relatives or gracious strangers; hotels are crammed, and thousands are in stadiums.' What is remarkable about this disaster is how well San Diego has handled this.' The local government got right into gear with evacuations, physical support and fire-fighting; the people, although devastated, have been cooperative, positive, virtually non-complaining, non-violent, and mutually supportive.' Charitable and supportive donations from people far and wide have been administered successfully.' No hysteria, blaming, or violence.' Listening to the stories of gratitude in the midst of hardship has been inspiring.'''' 'Nonetheless, it is important to consider the longer term emotional and psychological issues resulting from this disaster, the largest in California's history.' My family survived a house-fire in the early '90's.' A faulty electrical connection in a socket sent a spark across the room onto a bed and in mere seconds the entire room was ablaze.' I tried to put the fire out and realized that the fumes and smoke were even more dangerous.' I called the Fire Department immediately, grabbed my wallet and my son and left the house.' Between the flames and the efforts of the Fire Department, our house was totaled but without damage to our neighbors.'''' 'We lost just about everything.' Our first reaction was shock.' It was difficult to absorb being in a home one moment, and standing in front of a burning building in the next.'''' 'For the most part, the people involved in the California fires have whole neighborhoods that are gone and don't seem to have the option of "continuing with life."' Their stresses, grief, and fears will need to be addressed.' Most people are ultimately quite resilient, and after months of reasonable, normal hyper-emotional reactions, get back into life without long-lasting impact.'''' 'Children are more vulnerable to these disasters and special attention needs to be paid to their well-being.' The more up-front and personal the exposure to the disaster, the greater the post-disaster impact will be.' The loss of a home and destruction of a community are obviously high-distress events leading to grief and trauma.'''' 'Children under the age of 2 have little real understanding of what has happened and don't have life experiences to tap into to give them a sense of immediate or future safety.' They pretty much are experiencing sensory overload as the sights, sounds, smells stay imprinted in their young minds and may be activated in the future.' Also, children of this age are not equipped to discuss their fears.' It is very important that small children not be separated from their parents during these disasters.' The parents are the ultimate security and measure by which they will react; if parents stay calm, children feel more reassured.'''' 'Children up to age five may start regressing in their behavior because of their confusion and fear.' They may have nightmares, stop eating and sleeping, and report stomach aches which are really a sign of distress.'''' 'To assist young children:1.' Give verbal reassurance and physical comfort2.' Try to keep eating and sleeping routines intact3.' Avoid being separated from them because of the comfort they need from' you and because they fear abandonment.4.' Let them talk and talk and talk and talk about what they feel, especially'about losing pets, their toys, etc.5. Try to minimize their exposure to images of fires on television and any other' disturbing input.6. Get them playing -- this will be good for them and for you!''' 'School age children can become obsessed with their fears over these events.' This would be a good time for you not to be so concerned with your expectations of proper behavior and performance in school (if they have access) and with you.' However, while it is important for you to let them talk again and again about the disaster and their opinions and feelings, you should also set some gentle limits on "acting-out" behaviors of anger, and so forth.' It might be good to say something like, "You know, it is quite reasonable for all of us to be angry or feeling kind of crazy over what's happened.' Let's keep 'showing it' to five minutes each hour or so, then the rest of the time we can make plans, take a walk, figure out meals, play a game, sing a song, help somebody else..."'''' 'Allow school-aged children to participate in actions geared to "take care of immediate business."' That way they have a sense of power in a seemingly powerless situation and feel useful - which is a positive and rewarding experience.'''' 'Some children may be slow to show distress, taking weeks or months for signs or symptoms of their distress to appear.' Don't push for "feelings" to be expressed; instead, be watchful of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) depression: persistent sad or irritable mood, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed,' a significant change in appetite or body weight, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt, difficulty concentration and/or recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.'''' 'Five or more of these symptoms over several weeks may indicate a need for professional intervention.'''' 'Remember, supportive parents, friends, family members, teachers, and other adults make all the difference in the ability of children to cope with disaster.'''' 'For more information, click on: " Helping Children Handle Disaster-Related Anxiety - National Mental Health Association "To hear Dr. Laura in an on-air interview with KFI-AM regarding this issue, click here More >>

Tags: ChildrenFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMilitaryParentingSocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
05/13/2010
IconUnfortunately, bad things happen sometimes.' Some of those bad things are forces of nature: hurricanes, mudslides, tornados, earthquakes, and disease.' While life, death, loss, and injury are horrendous experiences to deal with, psychologically we are somewhat more philosophical about these encounters with horror because they aren't "personal."''''' "Personal" horrors, on the other hand, include intentional harm to the body, soul, property, psychological well-being and reputation of another for political, egotistical, or financial gain - or for the simple pleasure derived from having the power to destroy.' These experiences turn out to be more difficult to cope with, because they are not seen as "the stuff that could and has happened to anyone."''''' In addition, there is great compassion and sympathy for those struck by nature, while a profound fear of helping is the general response to personal attacks on an innocent party, lest one get caught in the sights of the evil-doer.' Therefore, the support necessary is often less in size and strength - which adds ongoing injury to the already damaged person.'''' The evolution of talk radio and television news from information to confrontation, as well as the loss of any ethical foundation of print media (newspapers and magazines) and the unleashing of anonymous venom on the internet and blogs, have served not only to destroy reputations with undocumented vicious gossip, but have lowered the level of discourse and civility to an unbelievably dangerous level.''''' Decent folks who wish to serve their country in the military, politics, social work and other public arenas, become fodder for indecent attacks based upon ideology, with the sole purpose of eliminating their voices and ability to function.''''' Gone is the civility of negotiations, arbitrations, discussions, and debates.''''' Soon, only the indecent will reign.' Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Hezbollah, etc., have only to wait; we are destroying our own society.'''' Our American society is becoming alarming ugly and dangerous.'''' How does a family and its members survive?' It is difficult - and sometimes barely possible.'''' When bad things happen the first reaction of most family members is a kind of' "shock," in which people seem not to be that upset - it is more a reaction of disbelief or a sense of not really comprehending the situation.' Once the truth and reality become tangible, that's when the pain, grief, hurt, fear and anxiety set in.' If the situation appears hopeless, and the people involved feel helpless to protect themselves or their loved ones, a horrible depression infiltrates every bone of their bodies.'''' This is a critical time for a family.' It is at this time that intervention by meaningful intimates is absolutely crucial.' It is at this terrible time that people often contemplate direct or indirect suicide: driving a car over a cliff or overdosing with some dangerous medication.'''' Family members might turn against each other; imagining that they alone are really feeling the pain and that the other doesn't really understand and can't help.' When the enemy is nature or an evil-doer, it is often difficult or impossible to get revenge or justice.' That concern alone sometimes leaves people lashing out where they can: on family.'''' What most folks truly need at a time like this is three-fold.' Number 1: complete support and expression of understanding for the magnitude of the painful situation.'' That means you don't placate, minimize, patronize with fairy dust, try to distract with cheerful activities, or attempt to whitewash with "perspective," like there is worse happening in India.'''' Instead, you need to hug and acknowledge that this is, indeed s**t and they are justified to be feeling every horrible feeling they're going through.' When, for example, people call my radio program telling me of their horrendous emotional state in reaction to some horrible assault, I tell them, "That is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation."' In other words, you validate the truthfulness of their perception and response. You must validate the truth of their reality or you run the risk of making them feel "more crazy."'''' Number 2: you must make sure they get some food for strength and sugar in their blood stream to avoid headaches and deeper depression; you must get them to sleep even if it means temporarily using sleep medications (over the counter types if at all possible), and depending on their level of despair, make sure they are watched just in case a temporary despondency might lead to them hurting themselves.'''' Number 3: you must get advice for a "game plan" that deals with the situation.' This gives the family member "hope" and relieves some of the "helplessness."' This stage of reaction is usually associated with anger; that anger has to be controlled and focused in a positive direction - one that will not add to the problem, but will ultimately approach justice.'''' Our society has become, as I said earlier, a meaner, harsher, and more dangerous place than ever before.' I don't know what can turn it back.' I mourn for the America that was the safe haven of the world. More >>

Tags: Morals, Ethics, ValuesSocial IssuesValues
PERMALINK | EMAIL | PRINT | RSS  Subscribe
Make an Appointment
Stay Connected
or connect at a place below
Normal Gear
Latest Poll
What do you do if your toddler gets hurt?
Archives  |  Results
Programs
About Dr. Laura
Letters
E-mail of the Day
From Listeners
Audio & Video
YouTube Videos
Stay at Home
Parenting
Relationships
Simple Savings
Work at Home
Tip of the Week
Subscription
Membership
Help & Support
Family Premium Help Center
Podcast Help
Contact Us
Legal
Terms of Use
© 2019 DrLaura.com. Take on the Day, LLC
Dr. Laura is a registered trademark of Take On The Day, LLC.
Terms & Conditions  |  Privacy Policy
Powered By Nox Solutions