Video TranscriptsBlog's for November, 2013http://www.DrLaura.comDr. Laura2024-03-29T11:21:14Z2024-03-29T11:21:14ZDr. LauraMy Snarky Teenage SonStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Snarky-Teenage-Son/37287365367194115.html2013-11-12T08:00:00Z2013-11-12T08:00:00Z<p><br /><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And our letter from Connie:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Why is it that my teen-aged son can be so well-mannered and liked in school and in the community (and even with my husband and me most of the time), but sneers, snorts, and just seems to think we are really judgmental, ignorant people whenever he disagrees with us? </em>[(Laughs) Because he's a teenager! And he puts on a show for other people, but at home...he's a teenager.]</p>
<p><em>I feel contempt coming from him at those times and I don't know why we can't just have a normal conversation about it. Is it normal for teenagers to feel that way toward their parents? </em> [Yeah. When people get in their twenties, they start realizing their parents are getting less stupid.] <em>Should we ignore that behavior [No] or do we need to put our foot down whenever it happens? </em>[Kind of. I'll get back to that.]</p>
<p><em>Our son pulls it back and takes us seriously when we tell him to 'cut it out.' But I want your guidance because we have just been handling it on a case-by-case basis, however, I feel it is always tenuous and we could lose his respect or our authority if we handle it incorrectly."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>You're not losing his respect and you're not losing the sense of being an authority. What you need to do is, the times he's acting ratty... You have to realize that girls are not the only ones with hormonal issues. When boys go through their puberty and they start developing, and they go through their teenage years, they have more mood changes than girls do. I swear that is true! So you have to realize some of that is going on. Plus, he wants to be a 'man' but knows he's a kid, he wants to be dependent but he wants to make his own mind up, and in front of other people he is who you're raising. Don't forget that. </p>
<p>So because of the familiarity and his trying to push the limits a little bit, you're going to get some of that snarky behavior. And when you get it, all you need to do is go [doesn't say a word, points finger, makes a cutting motion to neck (to symbolize "cut it out") and points to the side], and walk away. Don't tolerate it, don't take it, don't stand away from it, but don't put your foot down and make it be a whole thing because that just gets into an arm wrestle. And whenever you arm wrestle with a kid, they win. </p>
<p>So it's just [doesn't say a word, makes motion again of pointing finger, cutting motion with finger to neck (to symbolize "cut it out") and points to the side], and he'll get the message. But you've got to expect a little of that. That's just normal. What, you don't remember being a teenager?! Ok!</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SO_o9QHANcI" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-11-12T08:00:00ZWanting A Clean & Organized HomeStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Wanting-A-Clean--Organized-Home/-285480577719050372.html2013-11-05T21:57:00Z2013-11-05T21:57:00Z<p><br /><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel and our letter from Ginny:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My husband likes a neat, clean, organized home </em>[There's a big 'uh oh' that I feel already]<em>, and when our teenagers have friends over, there are cups, candy wrappers, clothes and towels left around. My kids know that they are responsible for cleaning up after their friends go home, but they don't always do the best job of it. </em>[Ok, let me understand something. I have a feeling when I'm going to read on, you're going to make your husband sound like a neurotic, crazy person...very compulsive. But if your kids know that they're supposed to clean up and don't do a good job of it, you should tell them, 'Go back and clean up. I want the house, the kitchen, the living room and wherever you guys play to look like the way it did before they came over.' But I have a feeling we're going to make your husband the nut case, right?]</p>
<p><em>My husband is rigid </em>[Yeah, I knew that]<em> on this issue and gets annoyed when he sees even small 'messes' around the house. I tell him to relax, but I'm then in a 'no-win' triangle where I'm defending the kids to him. I don't like that he's so inflexible, but I have no control over him. </em>['Control, control...']</p>
<p><em>How can I prevent this situation from being a perpetual stand-off?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Have the kids put the house back together like the way it was. I don't know why...this is a no-brainer. Yeah, he might be a little overly fussy but when you dated him, you knew it. I knew it when I was dating a guy... I'm going to tell you about this. This is a million and a half years ago but nonetheless I thought he was so cute, he was so nice and he was so wonderful. I thought, "Oh my gosh. Wouldn't it be cool to marry him some day?" Right? So I go over to his condo one day to play tennis and I was starving so I said, "Before I can play tennis, I need to eat something." So we went into his condo and he said, "Make yourself a sandwich." [Says sarcastically] Ok, that was gracious. So I went to the refrigerator, pulled out stuff to make the sandwich and got the cutting board. I'm cutting up the tomato, I have the turkey, I have the lettuce, I toasted the bread a little bit and made it all, put it on a plate, and sat down with a glass of water to eat my sandwich. He walks into the room [turns head, opens eyes widely and points with finger] and says, "There are crumbs on the cutting board." I said, "Yeah, I know. I made a sandwich there and after I'm done, I'll clean it up." He practically lost it. You know what we call that? <strong>The last date.</strong></p>
<p>So since you married someone this constipated, you need to respect it. So the kids need to clean up. That's it! That's it. Don't tell him to lighten up; you picked him. I could've married that guy. Oh my gosh. I couldn't ever have eaten until every crumb in the house had a place to go. I would've starved to death.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Thank you for being here, at our YouTube channel. Until next time, remember - go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/J_-zLDAcdH8" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-11-05T21:57:00ZShe Stole, Then Lied About ItStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/She-Stole,-Then-Lied-About-It/484357059027842856.html2013-10-29T18:10:00Z2013-10-29T18:10:00Z<p><br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And our letter from Sheila:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I want to know how best to handle a situation with my niece. She stole some makeup from me, then denied it. I called her parents and they found my missing makeup. They said she would return the things 'she helped herself to' at a public restaurant with her parents and my in-laws present. </em></p>
<p><em>She knows I would do most anything for her but she stole plain and simple from me. She also lied to me and I can't stand a liar. What can I say to make her think before she steals or thinks of stealing anything ever again?</em></p>
<p><em>I'm just as mad or madder at my sister-in-law for her reaction. If this had been my daughter, she would have been over at their house returning their things and apologizing immediately. I did not hear from them at all until the email about her 'helping herself' to my things."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Well, you know, I mean she did return them in full view of you, her own family, her grandmother... I don't know what else you would've wanted. I don't understand why you're still mad when they made her take responsibility. Maybe you need to have a private conversation with her saying, "You know what? ..." I mean, I remember having this conversation with my kid when he was very little (because all kids lie) and this is what I did with him - I picked him up at school. I had told him earlier, "We're going to stop by McDonald's [rolls eyes and says "I'm sorry"] and get French fries on the way home from school." [Says in excited voice to mimic Deryk's reaction as a child and does a little dance] "Oh! That's wonderful! I can't wait! We're going to do that! Yeah!" I picked him up from school and drove slowly right past McDonald's. And he said, "You didn't stop!" I said, "I lied." He started to cry (he was just a kiddo) and I said, "That's how I feel when you lie to me."</p>
<p>So you give that person sort of a taste of their own medicine because that's when they understand. I don't know how old your niece is. My kid was really a kiddo when I did this and it made a very big impression. I mean, there were fibs from time to time..."Did you do your homework?" [Looks around, rolling back head and not making eye contact] "Oh, yeah." But that's just kind of normal. Kids are always trying to get out of trouble or out of doing something they don't want to do. But this was outright theft and she brought it to her house. There's something [makes sweeping motion over face with flat hand, palm inward] strange about the fact that she stole something that could easily be identified. That has me concerned.</p>
<p>So I'd like you to sit with her privately and pull the maneuver like I pulled and explain to her that the essence of a relationship between two people is that we really can count on each other, and we know when we can't we are [takes hands from being close together and pulls them apart] separate and we will behave like that forever. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/W_Q9Qs1-4dU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-10-29T18:10:00ZHelping With School ProjectsStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Helping-With-School-Projects/475055677053197394.html2013-10-22T15:36:00Z2013-10-22T15:36:00Z<p><br /><br />Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here with your questions for me. From Raquel:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"How much should a parent help with school projects? </em>[Actually I think you should do your projects for your kid, while your kid eats cookies watching television because everybody else's parents are doing their kids' projects so you don't want your kid to be disadvantaged. Just kidding!]</p>
<p><em>My 3rd grader has several projects and reports he is working on, and I feel the need to help him but know I should not. I practically have to tie my hands behind my back and leave the room so I don't end up doing the project for him! </em>[I remember that feeling.]</p>
<p><em>When he has a question I find a way for him to come up with the answer himself but if he is doing 'C' work and just being lazy, how do I encourage him to do better without getting too involved? Or...do I just let him finish the project and have him see the 'C' grade the teacher gives and let reality be the teacher?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>A couple of things here (first, I was only kidding in the beginning), this thing you do where he asks you a question and you do this Socratic method and help him come up with the answer himself is brilliant! That gets an A+ from mother Laura. That's exactly what you should be doing. But take it a step further, make it very exciting to him to go to that next level. "I can't believe you got that, it's so great!" [Goes from smiling and excitement to an inquisitive look] and "What do you think you're going to do now to get that project sort of come alive and..." and then you challenge him. That's not doing it for him, that's challenging him to dig down inside.</p>
<p>He's in 3rd grade that makes him about what, 8 or 9 years old? He doesn't really understand the "moment" of a C. He doesn't really get it and he's a guy. And the guys generally, at this age in school, are talking about muscles [flexes and points to bicep] or how they can throw a ball and not about what grade they get. So you make the learning and the creating sort of exciting. Where dad comes home and says, "Oh my! You did that? That's fabulous!" [Goes from smiling and excitement to an inquisitive look] and "What do you think you're going to do with that color?" or "What do you think you're going to do with that idea? Hmm..." And so he'll start thinking. It's not that he's lazy, it's that he's 8 years old and frankly, for a little boy, this is not the most interesting thing to do with his day. </p>
<p>So I think you're on the right track. Stay with it. Yes, most of the other kids - their parents are cheating for them. But your kid is going to grow up and be honest. He may not have a lot of company [laughs], but he will be honest and he will be proud of what he creates.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/np8i0gY4R10" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-10-22T15:36:00ZAlone, Scared and LostStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Alone,-Scared-and-Lost/-333917094502189171.html2013-10-15T19:24:00Z2013-10-15T19:24:00Z<p><br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel commentary from Demeetra (that's an interesting name):</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am now my husband's widow, after almost 32 years of marriage. We were a military family, moving often. </em>[Ooh.]<em> When pancreatic cancer killed him suddenly (we had 6 weeks before he died) I found myself alone. My kids are grown and have their lives to look forward to. My friends avoid me, fearing that becoming a widow is contagious!</em></p>
<p><em>My husband and I planned to sell our home and move to the mountains and finally enjoy our life together. Instead, I'm alone, scared and lost. </em></p>
<p><em>The house is sold, and my personal property is in storage, I live in a room in my son's home. How do I take that first step to find <strong>me? </strong></em></p>
<p><em>It's been 2 years, and I feel more alone now than ever." </em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>First thing: unpack, send it to some place in the mountains where there's a nice community of people (sort of a small town thing), get out of your son's house, stop feeling like the aunt that's hiding in the closet...just cut all that out and move. Get out of there. Start a new chapter in your life. Go find new friends, new people, new things to do...new, new, new! Go! I think I've been forceful enough; I'll leave it. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel, do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vqJ2jU8giBo" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-10-15T19:24:00ZOnly One of My Children Was Invited!Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Only-One-of-My-Children-Was-Invited!/-711695065686482085.html2013-10-08T19:58:00Z2013-10-08T19:58:00Z<p><br /><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. And here's a letter from Carrie:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am a stay-at-home mom </em>[that gets points]<em> of three daughters </em>[your poor husband]<em>-- eight, six and 3. I have been involved in a play group that consists of five families. We often share holidays, adult and child birthdays and short weekend trips. From the beginning when we had sleepovers, I told all the moms that they did not have to feel obligated to invite my 3 year old, as she was too young to be included. </em>[So far so good!]</p>
<p><em>There is one woman in the group with two kids. Her oldest daughter is turning nine and is having a 'water games day and scavenger hunt' at her house. My oldest daughter is invited to the party [that's the eight year old] but the 6 year old middle daughter is not. </em>[Don't tell me you're going to complain about this...oh, you were doing so well.]</p>
<p><em>When I got the invitation to the party and saw that it was addressed to my oldest daughter, I asked if the middle one was invited and she said, 'No, none of the siblings have been invited. It is going to be a small pool party for big girls.'</em></p>
<p><em>I was shocked</em> [why?!] <em>to see this because my middle daughter was always included in past invitations. How should I handle this?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Don't act like an idiot and embarrass me after I gave you so many good points for being a stay-at-home mom, for being understanding about the 3-year-old, for really helping with all of the families and the kids and the friendships and now you blew it by getting on a high horse and saying that a 6-year-old should be invited to a 9-year-old's party. How should you handle this?! [Makes motion to slap own face.] Smack yourself! And say, "Whoops! I lost it for a moment. Of course the 9-year-olds play together and the 6-year-old isn't invited. I don't know what I was thinking of."</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing - please, I'm begging you! [Huffs and puffs, shakes head and closes eyes.]</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/paxCTW4IJJY" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-10-08T19:58:00ZYou Got Your Friend a JobStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/You-Got-Your-Friend-a-Job/-671116342170434971.html2013-10-01T21:14:00Z2013-10-01T21:14:00Z<p><br /><br />Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here, answering your questions on our YouTube channel. </p>
<p>From Niecy:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I've had a friend for 7 years </em>[nice]<em>, and six months ago, I helped her get hired at my workplace. </em>[(Covers face with paper and laughs) I don't even have to read the rest of this.]<em> Since then, our friendship seems to be over. She never takes responsibility at work, keeps making more and more mistakes, and brushes me off when I approach her about her work.</em><br /><em> </em><br /><em>I emailed her a few months ago stating that I want to fix our relationship and that if we needed to go to lunch once a week to fix it, I'd do that. Her response back to me was, "Yes, let's do that." But since then, it's dissolved into pettiness over who should make the first move</em><br /><em>. </em><br /><em>All I want to do now is to tell her to just quit her job.</em><br /><em> </em><br /><em>Am I over-reacting? Or should I tell her that we can't be friends anymore?" </em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>You know what? Don't tell her anything. Just low-ball, low-key, low everything. Just be polite, don't see her outside of work. You thought she was a friend. Sometimes when the situation changes, you get to see the real person.</p>
<p>I remember once I worked with an engineer on my radio show who used to work in the theater. He was behind the scenes in the theater with some of the most incredible personalities in the history of show business. And I said, "What did you notice about how people changed or didn't change when they got more famous?" And he said (this was like 30 years he'd been doing this, so this was a lot of experience), "What I've noticed is that people don't change, they just get revealed." </p>
<p>Your friend has been revealed. Emotionally, take a hike. Okay?</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/c-2ShrpjUL4" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-10-01T21:14:00ZRules of the HouseStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Rules-of-the-House/228134219405303234.html2013-09-17T22:12:00Z2013-09-17T22:12:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. I get to answer your questions like this one from Kayla:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>I have a daughter who, at nearly 19, had worn out her welcome in my home and I told her to leave. </em>[Ok.]<em> I would not stand for her disrespect, her sense of entitlement, or her slovenly treatment of our home. The day she was packing her belongings to leave, I came home to find she had pierced her tongue. </em>[(Laughs) That is so dumb anyway.]<em> She left. </em></p>
<p><em>A year later, after months of our not speaking, we had a reconciliation, and my daughter has asked to move back home. </em></p>
<p><em>The tongue piercing was a power struggle issue back when it occurred. Personally, I don't mind that she wanted one; it's just that at the time, my daughter had more important things to spend money on and that was the battle. </em>[(Confused look on face) Money?]<em> Now, at nearly 20, I can only advise her on what I think is best, and leave her to her own devices. So as long as she abides by the general rules of the house (no smoking, clean up after yourself, make efforts to put a life together), I'm okay letting her move back home.</em></p>
<p><em>My mother, on the other hand </em>[That's grandma], <em>feels I am absolutely sending the wrong message in allowing her to move home, especially if my daughter continues wearing her tongue stud once she moves back in.</em><br /><em> </em><br /><em>I agree to an extent but also feel my daughter is her own individual. What am I missing in my mother's argument? Or...is my mother wrong?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I don't know enough to know that, but we can have a trial run if she is respectful, if she cooperates in the home, if she acts maturely, takes responsibility, doesn't act entitled and does her bit around the home. That she's ridiculous enough to [sticks out tongue, points to center and continues talking in slurred speech] stick a bar through her tongue is something I'd let her be embarrassed by. I mean, ask her, does she know one female or male Supreme Court justice who [sticks out tongue again while speaking] has a thing in their tongue? I don't think so.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/16W6DgbqEMI" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-09-17T22:12:00ZConsequences to Drunken ActionsStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Consequences-to-Drunken-Actions/-166208558634425340.html2013-09-10T16:41:00Z2013-09-10T16:41:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. I get to answer your written questions, like this one from Monica:</p>
<blockquote>
<p> "<em>My close friend of 25 years has become a drunk and a mean drunk in the last 6 times that I have invited her to my home. Last year I told her how upsetting her behavior was, but I know she is still drinking.</em></p>
<p><em>I am having another party soon, but do not want to invite her and I know (somehow) she will find out about it. This is very difficult because my heart breaks for her. </em>[No, my heart breaks for people when a tornado takes down their home. When somebody voluntarily drinks, that’s not worthy of compassion. I’m sorry.] <em>I love her, but I also know I can’t help her. </em>[That is the truth.]<em> I don't want to have the party ruined for my other guests, which has happened many times before.</em></p>
<p><em>Should I tell her about the party and why she is not invited, or just have the party and not invite her?" </em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>You can do either one but just don't have her at the party. Either one is ok. I think she should know that there are consequences to her actions. Yes, she has the right to do whatever she wants – she can drink, she can be mean, she can jump off her roof, she can do whatever she would like, she’s free to do that. And you are free to make your choices and there are consequences to all our actions, good, bad or indifferent, fair and unfair. </p>
<p>So yeah, call her about the party and say, "You know, for the sake of our long-term friendship I wanted to tell you why I'm not inviting you to my home anymore, much less this party. Until you're clean and sober for about 6 to 9 months, I really don't want communication. The price of admission back into my heart and my life is that you're clean and sober." Now she will yell and say bad things, and make you feel horrible about yourself, and you'll cry and you'll feel bad but ultimately you're doing the right thing.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MDV5TE3rJGg" frameborder="0" width="560"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-09-10T16:41:00ZCalifornia Southern University Commencement Speech for Psychology GraduatesStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/California-Southern-University-Commencement-Speech-for-Psychology-Graduates/-248462252649861630.html2013-08-27T23:17:00Z2013-08-27T23:17:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here saying congratulations! Happy graduation! It is a wonderful day. Your parents are happy, your spouses and friends are happy and you're hysterical because you figure [makes exhaling "phew" sound] the worst is over now.<br /><br />Well, no. I have some things that I want to warn you about so that you will be able to make great use of this incredibly wonderful education you've just had. And that is: don't get stuck in somebody else's way of thinking. "Let's see...I'm going to do Gestalt or something and that's where I'm going to be stuck." Because human life, human brains, human reactions, human emotions, human relationships are much more complex than any one theory. What you really are going to do now is learn on the job. You're going to spend the next 40, 50, 60 years going, "Oh my gosh. I didn't think of it that way. Oh my gosh. This is what they're telling me." I mean, I remember a couple that I was working so hard to fix...I was going to fix them. And the husband came in with the wife one day, patted me on the head and said, "You know, you've done a wonderful job but this is as intimate as we are comfortable with and wish to be." There was no neurotic defense mechanism there. Everybody's got their own comfort level. So you're going to sit there when such a client leaves and go, "Oh my gosh. I had an image of what I was supposed to create and I was going to force it on people."<br /><br />So, one of the things I'm here to tell you is don't throw out everything you've learned but put it on the back burner and pick out things when you need them because you're really going to learn on the job. And it can't be about the money, it can't be about how many clients you have that you can compete with your friends with, it has to be the quality of the work that you do with each person and that requires something of you. You have to take care of you because you can only help people up to the point of your fears and discomforts. So it's going to be a lifelong project for you to be open to yourself, to know your limitations, to know the problems that you have inside your head because they are going to interfere with how helpful you can be (and I know you don't want that to be the case). So you constantly have to renew yourself, taking breaks, getting more education, talking to colleagues about situations you have in the therapy sessions. You've got to be constantly growing.<br /><br />Graduation does not mean the end of your education. And one other thing I'd like to throw in: When you go to these seminars by these experts [purposefully clears throat], follow the money. They're not necessarily there to teach you a lot that you can use, they are there because it's a business and you have to approach it that way. So don't go in all awe-struck as though you know nothing and you're a vessel that has to be filled up by these so-called experts. Go to people that inspire you to think a new way, to expand how you approach people, to dig deeper inside yourself and to use each moment. I remember one time I went to a supervisor (brilliant guy) and I said, "You know, I don't think I'm cut out to be a therapist." (And he said) "Well, why not?" (So I said), "Well this woman I'm working with, she keeps crying and I don't feel anything - no compassion, no sympathy, no nothing. Obviously I'm not really made for this profession." And he said to me, looking deep into my eyes, "Maybe she's not crying." That opened me up. I went into the next session, sat back and realized that she wasn't crying. So I took a box of tissues and I kept handing her tissues and she said, "What are these for?" I said, "They're to build a monument of nose droppings on your lap." Now what an outrageous...have you had that in any book?! No! It stopped the crying and we finally got down to what she was using the crying to hide behind. That's what I mean by you have to be flexible and fluid, and open and fearless. Not irresponsible, but fearless.<br /><br />So use your education well, make everybody who tried to help you and support you be proud of you. Do your best, be honest, do it because it's a calling and not a way to pay your bills. (I mean, it is too but do it because it's a calling.)<br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger saying again, congratulations to you and everybody who cares about you and all the people whose lives you're going to change for the better. That's what you studied for. Happy graduation.</p>
<p><br />Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cAoTuyerQrU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-08-27T23:17:00ZSacrificing Myself for My ParentStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sacrificing-Myself-for-My-Parent/832964398211423803.html2013-08-20T19:52:00Z2013-08-20T19:52:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel and our really serious question from Marisol: </p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>“My 76-year-old mother has been in a nursing home for 2 years. Ever since that time, I’ve visited her on average 5 days a week, for about an hour each visit. </em>[And, of course there’s the traveling time.]<em> I’m beginning to wear down from this schedule, as I have a husband, a son who heads to college this year, 3 dogs that need attention, and a home to maintain. </em>[How about your own mental well-being?]<em> </em></p>
<p><em>My mother doesn’t seem to appreciate my visits, as she barks orders at me, demanding I take care of things for her, and she’s rude about it, rarely saying “please” or “thank you.” She has Type 2 diabetes </em>[that must mean she’s overweight]<em>, mild kidney disease and occasional bed sores, so there’s nothing here that’s terminal and this situation could continue for years. She could improve her quality of life if she was more compliant with the prescribed physical therapy and if she participated in activities sponsored by the facility. </em></p>
<p><em>I feel bad that she’s in a long-term care facility for the rest of her life, but I also resent having to visit, since I believe she’s not helping herself, and she neglected her health in the past. </em>[Hence the Type 2 diabetes.]<em> Some friends can’t believe I spend that much time at the nursing home, and their comments leave me feeling conflicted. I don’t want to turn my back on my mother, but I also want to have a life that isn’t spent resenting her.</em></p>
<p><em>I don’t even know any more how often I should visit. How can I honor my mother by spending an appropriate amount of time with her and still have the life I want to have?”</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Here’s how I feel about these things…I mean I’m 66 and I’ve dealt philosophically in my mind, even when I was younger, about how when we get older what we do to our children’s lives. And I’ve made it very clear to my grown son that he is not supposed to sacrifice his life for me, especially when he’s married and has kids – that’s his primary responsibility. </p>
<p>It’s my responsibility to do the best I can with what I’ve got, at whatever age and to make my health maximized so I work out, I eat well, I usually sleep well and all this kind of stuff, trying to be very healthy about things. It’s my responsibility – it’s your mother’s responsibility. I have my own hobbies, activities and work. She has the opportunity to have that and is rejecting it. To become a parasite on your child because you’re unwilling to do the things you’re morally obligated to do for yourself is wrong. </p>
<p>My advice: come once a week for an hour and every day call for 5 minutes. Get a timer like you use to make the eggs [makes winding motion with hand], sit it there [places imaginary cooking timer in front of herself], “Hi mom, how are you doing?” She’ll bitch, she’ll complain, she’ll moan, she’ll groan, she’ll annoy you, she’ll insult you, and then you say, “I love you mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.” And then you hang up. </p>
<p>She has a moral responsibility. Her life would be a lot better off if she took that responsibility for her health and her social life and her intellectual ability to still have growth. Until we’re dead, we can still grow. It sounds like your mother’s always been this personality. I can understand why you feel guilt. [Makes suction and grabbing motion in air and makes a loud sound while breathing in.] I’d like to absolve you of the guilt. Once a week you visit for an hour and the rest of the time you call for 5 minutes. Ok? Ok.</p>
<p>I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8eB75piaboM" frameborder="0" width="560"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-08-20T19:52:00ZI'm InfertileStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Im-Infertile/121973484702799372.html2013-08-13T22:00:00Z2013-08-13T22:00:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel and answering the questions from you folks. This one’s from Simone:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em> </em><em>“My husband and I are unable to have kids. I thought I had come to terms with this and accepted it, but now I find myself angry at things I should not be angry at. For example, I really lost my temper when my dog got excited and peed in the house.</em> [Yeah, I’m not too happy when that happens either. (Laughs)]</p>
<p><em>Losing my temper is happening more and more and, at first, I could not figure out why. After thinking and examining my life, I realized I usually lose my temper after I have been around young kids. (I'm never angry when I’m around<strong> </strong>young kids -- I love kids and get along great with them.) </em></p>
<p><em>I don't think I'm as ‘over’ not being able to have kids as I have been telling myself. My rational side knows that I'm mad at myself and my inability to have kids</em> [Oh, come on. That wasn’t intentional on your part to mess up your body. Nature is nature.]<em>, but I'm not expressing that anger in a healthy way. How can I help myself accept the infertility, express my anger properly, and then move past the anger?”</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>First of all get off this blaming yourself that you’re infertile. It’s not like you went [pulls arms together, squints and makes funny noises], “I’m not going to make babies!” Ok? This is not your fault. However, have you ever thought about becoming a foster parent? A lot of people become foster parents and that moves on to adoption. If the point is to make a family, does it really matter where the kid comes from? No. If biology mattered that much, you’d have to marry your brother. You are not biologically related to your husband (I’m assuming). </p>
<p>So you can love somebody when there’s no DNA that you share. I think you should get busy and start becoming a foster mom. If you like being around kids, kids in the foster care system really need somebody and I bet you and a child are going to find each other, and it’s going to be love at first sight.</p>
I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, on our YouTube channel.
<p> </p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oQHU1wkTr_E" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-08-13T22:00:00ZMy Rude and Immature RelativeStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Rude-and-Immature-Relative/368383932450074020.html2013-08-06T15:56:00Z2013-08-06T15:56:00Z<p> </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And we have a letter from Chelsea for me to answer:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"A family member on my husband's side has never accepted me </em>[(frowns and shrugs shoulders)]<em> and is known to be rude and inappropriate with everyone else.</em> [Oh, ok, so it's not personal.]<em> He will focus on people's faults or perceived faults and make stabbing comments to make everyone feel horrible. </em>[(Jokingly laughs) Everyone needs one of these in the family.]<em> He has even made comments to my children </em>[Oooh]<em> referring to their father in a negative manner and getting them to agree with him. I have told my kids that they need to stand up for their father </em>[Why do you let your kids be around this creep?! (Looks around confusingly and pauses) Yeah, I got distracted there, didn't I?]<em> (he's a loving and hardworking, dedicated family man) and that they should not agree with this man. He should not be saying these things about his relative either! </em><br /><br /><em>I am sort of the outsider in this family but I want to take a stand and tell him that this behavior is not right. So far, if anyone else tries to bring up his shortcomings or tells him that his children are rude or without manners, he stops the conversation and will not respond or gets mad. I want to make a statement that leaves him dumbfounded and mouth agape! </em><br /><br /><em>How do I respond to this immature and ignorant commentary?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Number one: what the hell are you doing in his presence? I would tell my weak husband - who is allowing this to happen because it's his family - [forces fake smile] (sorry) that neither the kids nor I are going to be there. Now, I don't think your kids are agreeing with him (with this rude person) because they actually agree, but they see him as more dominant than their own dad. So your husband has to work on his own strength, but I would not have the kids or myself there.<br /><br />Now, if I happened to be there and he started on anybody in the room [waves hand around room]...(what I'm going to tell you to say, I cannot really say on this YouTube channel because I don't think something classy, erudite, witty is going to make a difference). I think you need to tell him he's an "[makes two double consonant mumbling noise with mouth]" and that everybody kowtows to him, which makes the entire family full of cowards, and you're not going to be in his presence anymore because he's a disgusting "[makes double consonant mumbling noise again and points finger]."<br /><br />I think there are times when vulgar words are appropriate words to describe vulgar behavior. Something is sacred, or it's not. We use sacred words for things that are of value, and I think vulgar words have their place - [points finger sternly] and you have found it.<br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/sM8R8OxwNls" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-08-06T15:56:00ZI'm Tired of InitiatingStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Im-Tired-of-Initiating/78492065130327532.html2013-07-30T19:18:00Z2013-07-30T19:18:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And our short, but sweet question is from Tasha:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I have a lot of friends and a great family </em>[Right there I'd be happy (laughs). You can stop there.]<em>, however</em> [uh oh]<em>, I am always the one to initiate getting together in any way (like for lunch, going shopping or just 'hanging out'). I am never asked by any of them and I am always the one to ask. </em><br /><br /><em>Sometimes they respond 'yes' to me or sometimes they don't even respond at all. </em>[Well that's odd...that's rude and that's odd.]<em> I am not sure how to handle this. It's starting to make me feel like I am doing something wrong.</em><br /><br /><em>What can I do to get others to make the first move?"</em> </p>
</blockquote>
Well in reality there are two types of people: the ones who aggressively set things up and the ones who go, "Yeah, that's a good idea." That part I wouldn't be upset by. You come up with itineraries of things to do and you want to share them with these people - that's kind of cool. If you're asking too many people too many things too often, then people have their own lives and they don't want to be just circulating around any one of us.<br /><br />So to the people that don't respond at all, I would certainly get on the phone and say, "I haven't heard back from you and I was wondering if there was a problem since I hadn't heard back from you." I think people should be held accountable for that kind of rudeness. But, you know...it's just like husbands and wives when one says, "I always have to initiate sex." Well as long as the answer is, "Yes" and you're getting it on, who cares! That's my feeling about it - it doesn't matter. I know it makes you feel like you're not wanted or nobody's interested but a lot of people just lead their lives in a way that is a little more passive in that regard. And it's not personal, it's just who they are.<br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next week on our YouTube channel.
<p> </p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-SNeK4Q5UHc" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-07-30T19:18:00ZDying With The Wind In My HairStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dying-With-The-Wind-In-My-Hair/508964360940631290.html2013-07-23T17:34:00Z2013-07-23T17:34:00Z<p> </p>
<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And here's a letter from Misty:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"I am a 20-year-old college junior, who is completely independent of my parents, with the glaring exception of health insurance.</em><br /><br /><em>I'm a bit of a thrill-seeker, and I like 'dangerous' adventures. Must I live life 'safely' because of how my potential death would affect my parents? </em>[I guarantee you that in almost 40 years (laughs) I've never heard that question.]<br /><br /><em>When we get into an argument about my doing something potentially stupid and unsafe, my father always says: 'It's selfish to think your death would only affect you.' If they had been terrible parents and my only debt to them was monetary, I wouldn't feel guilty at all...but they weren't. They were loving parents who brought me up with morals and integrity in an unbroken home. I can't ever repay that debt! And yet the worst, most ungrateful, part of me sometimes wishes I could so that I would be free to have all the adventures that I want. I want to die with the wind in my hair! </em>[And it just doesn't look as good, buried beneath a helmet.]<em> Am I obligated to take care of myself for my parents' sake?"</em></p>
<p>Yes, because at 20 you don't seem to have the wisdom to imagine a future and to imagine doing anything that matters to the world. At this point you are unbelievably self-centered, and the ultimate quality life is led by being others-centered. So if accepting a moral responsibility for the desolate pain you would cause your parents would keep you in the interim between now and your maturity from dying, I'd vote for it. <br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel. </p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/j6V2hkDhmo0" frameborder="0" width="560"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-07-23T17:34:00ZOur 10-Year-Old Son is ImmatureStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Our-10-Year-Old-Son-is-Immature/622855515278487462.html2013-07-16T16:55:00Z2013-07-16T16:55:00Z<p> </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel where I get to answer questions [points to self] and you can see me do it: </p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"We have a 10 year old son who is very immature (he has an older sister, 15, and a younger brother, 5). He tends to be a homebody, is not interested in organized sports, and LOVES video games. We have always limited the amount of time he can play video games. The more he plays, the more obsessed he seems to become with them. </em>[That's pretty typical.] </p>
<p><em>He tends to be lazy, and we are constantly pushing him to do his best in school. He has chores, and we have recently added more, hoping that will make him more mature and responsible. </em>[(Laughs) I'm sorry, that's funny. Let's see, he's not doing an inch so we'll give him a mile.]<em> My husband has also been teaching him how to play chess </em>[Oh good!]<em>, which our son loves!</em> [That's nice.] </p>
<p><em>I've noticed that when the neighborhood boys play together, they leave our son out. He also has poor social interaction with other kids of both genders. </em></p>
<p><em>How do we help our son be more mature and responsible?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>He's ten years old and he's a male, which already puts him behind the maturity of a female at the age of ten. He's an introvert and you're probably not going to change that. But he can go to a chess club and start competing in chess with other kids and adults and that would have him being more social in an environment in which he feels competent. </p>
<p>He's not going to be like your other kids. He's a different animal and instead of trying to change him, you have to maximize what he does have. And if you can find a ten-year-old boy that, on his own, cleans his room, I think we've been invaded by aliens.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/j7H2qWZSAYs" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2013-07-16T16:55:00ZI Want a MommyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/I-Want-a-Mommy/-87261860532771853.html2013-07-09T07:00:00Z2013-07-09T07:00:00Z<p><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. This is from Justine:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am having a hard time forgiving my mother. Throughout most of my life she has been emotionally absent. In 2000, I lost both of my children during a hard divorce, and she was not emotionally supportive during that time. </em></p>
<p><em>Within the last few years, my mother has been trying to connect with me and have a better relationship. I am now 35 years of age and realize that it would be great to have a relationship but find it hard to forgive her for the many wrongs.</em></p>
<p><em>What actions can I take that will help me to become more loving towards my mother, who does not want to deal with the reason for my distance?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Ooh! Everything is in this last sentence, so let me go through it - let me parse it (as the English teachers would say). <em>"What actions can I take that will help me to become more loving towards my mother?"</em> If no bond was formed...I mean, if you get a newborn baby, it's my responsibility to behave in a way that forms the bond. It's not the baby's responsibility, it's mine. And if I don't do my part, the baby's not going to bond and you can't create that out of whole cloth. Ok? </p>
<p><em>"Who does not want to deal with the reason for my distance?"</em> Somebody who is not remorseful, not taking responsibility, not doing what they need to do to repair it and not doing what they need to make sure it doesn't get repeated has not earned forgiveness. Whatever your mom wants now is for herself. That she doesn't want to give you the gift of dealing with your hurt and her responsibility for it, means [holds out hand and arm in a side-slicing motion] she's only here for herself, not for you. Nothing's changed. I know you want a mommy. Sorry, you don't have one. Send me a Mother's Day card.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NlKnibD0OAs" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-07-09T07:00:00ZMy Boy Wants to Sleep at a Friend'sStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Boy-Wants-to-Sleep-at-a-Friends/16271117158050716.html2013-07-03T00:26:00Z2013-07-03T00:26:00Z<p><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I do welcome you to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions like this one, from Vanessa:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"My husband and I have two boys ages 7 and 9. Our 9-year-old son wants to go to a sleepover at his friend's house.</em> [Yeah]<em> I think he is too young and I do not see the need for it. </em>[You obviously have never been a kid.]</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I do lots of play dates with his friends and I'm willing to have them over anytime. We really screen what our boys watch and the computer is in the main living area. I feel there is such a need to be careful of what their eyes will see and their ears may hear in another home that I am not 100 percent comfortable with this. </em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I told him that his friends are welcome to stay here, or I can pick him up there at 9 p.m. My husband is OK with this, but I do not see the need for it.</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>I know I cannot put them in a box, </em>[Well you sure as heck are trying to!] <em>but I can do my best to protect them from what is out there. Both my husband and I did not do sleepovers growing up, except at relatives' homes, and I am fine with him going to a relative's home. </em>[Really?! You think they don't have computers or TV?]</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Am I being too overprotective?"</em></p>
<p>Let me think for a moment...YES!! Yes! You tell your children what you expect of them. You tell the mom and dad, "We don't permit him to play 'such and such' if it's rated 'R', and we would prefer no 'R'-rated movies." (Actually the 'R' movies are OK, it's the PG-13 ones that are bad.) [Laughs] But yeah, you're being overprotective.</p>
<p>Here's the deal: you need to teach your children what you believe is appropriate and teach them how to handle being in situations where they are intimidated because "it's OK to do what their mom and dad said 'no' to." Also, you have to understand that your kids are not going to turn into monsters because they experience a few things. OK?</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You missed out on a lot not having any sleepovers. I remember one particular sleepover where my girlfriend, her name was Penny (that wasn't her given name, it was a name that she liked), and I liked this boy named Harvey and he didn't see me [shakes hand back and forth in front of face] from a hole in the wall. So to try to get a boy's attention...in those days, they delivered things like bread and milk and stuff like that. So we called this company and had them deliver 20 loaves of bread to his house. We got into a little bit of trouble, must admit. But if that's the worst kind of thing your kid does at a sleepover [throws hands in air], it makes for a great story when you're 66 years old.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QU2slmnOFoQ" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-07-03T00:26:00ZResponding to the Flavor-of-the-Month BimboStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Responding-to-the-Flavor-of-the-Month-Bimbo/345138195608113016.html2013-06-25T19:07:00Z2013-06-25T19:07:00Z<p><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and this is our YouTube channel where I get to answer your [holds written question on paper towards camera] written questions. And this one is from Kim:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"We have a neighbor who is divorced and lives with his 23-year-old grown son. His 11 year old daughter lives with her mother and she visits some weekdays and weekends. We used to be friendly neighbors before the couple divorced </em>[this is getting to be a frequent story, isn't it?]<em>, but not so much for the past 7 years, as we have watched unsupervised children, partying, smoke-fests, and multiple sleepovers (both the dad's and the son's) </em>[Ooh]<em>. There is always a revolving door of bimbos (young and old, with children and without) which last about 3 to 6 months. </em></p>
<p><em>The latest Flavor of the Month Bimbo has been 'dating' the Dad for about 2 months and sleeps over with her own children (who looks to be the same age as the 11 year old). The Bimbo goes out of her way to be friendly and say 'hello,' but my husband and I have no interest in even cordial conversation. Is it okay to ignore the Bimbo's attempts at polite conversation? Or are we being 'rude' neighbors? </em>[First of all she's not a neighbor. She's a shack-up bimbo.]<em> </em></p>
<p><em>P.S. We have two daughters of our own (ages 10 & 13) and have often used this neighbor and his children as a model of 'what not to do'."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Mother Laura's rule 17.4 (b) is be polite, say, "Good morning," and get along with your business. Engaging in conversation with someone you'd like to slap silly is kind of useless [laughs]. I mean, to stand there and say, "You are the flavor-of-the-month bimbo and a bad demonstration of a woman's behavior to both your kids and my kids, so I don't want to talk to you," is just going to end up in them putting their dog poop on your lawn. So if I were you, I would just say, "Good morning" [with an expressionless face and monotone voice], and get on with your day.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next week, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/G7lq8WVo6Ng" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-06-25T19:07:00ZStaying Positive in Times of IllnessStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Staying-Positive-in-Times-of-Illness/-572422682572138811.html2013-06-18T17:50:00Z2013-06-18T17:50:00Z<p><br />Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here and this is our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. This one's from Harold:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am in need of some direction. Recently I had serious surgery. Friends jumped as soon as they heard of this and wanted to come over to visit and bring me dinner. But as soon as they got through the door, they started right in on their OWN surgeries from 20 years ago! </em>[I know, it's like when you get pregnant and you get with a group of women and everybody's talking about their pregnancy problems. It scares you, doesn't it?]</p>
<p><em>I no longer want anyone to come visit because I can't stand to hear about more health problems! Any suggestions on how I can keep the door open for company, but shut the door on the depressing stories they feel compelled to share with me?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I remember when I was about 6 months pregnant and I'm getting a pedicure just to make myself feel a little better (because you start feeling like a walrus), and the lady doing the foot massage and whose putting on the polish and everything starts talking about the terrible things that happened during her pregnancy and I just said [throws hands and arms up in crossing motion], "Stop. I want to only have positive thoughts." And this is what you need to do. "I love you for coming over. Thank you so much for bringing food, but stop. I don't want to have any more negative thoughts. [Holds hands in front of chest with palms facing out.] I'm already dealing with the stress of this and trying to recover and I want to stay positive and optimistic. And I know you're not trying to upset me, but it does, so I just want to hear positive, pleasant things (so let's not talk about politics either).</p>
<p>But that's all you have to do with your hands [makes crossing motion into rainbow motion with both hands], "Stop. I really don't want to hear negative things while I'm trying to recover. I know you're just trying to share with me and compare with me, and make me feel a little bit better because of what you went through, but all it does is make me feel a little down so [makes crossing motion with both arms and hands and moves them outward] let's just stick to the positive. Okay?"</p>
<p>Until our next time, when you will [raises hands from resting on lap, turning palms up during rounding motion and laughs] come back to our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3yH67SYNlcE" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-06-18T17:50:00ZYou Hurt Me, So I'll Hurt YouStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/You-Hurt-Me,-So-Ill-Hurt-You/167925998242188938.html2013-06-11T21:03:00Z2013-06-11T21:03:00Z<p><br />Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. And this one's from Carly:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"I am 26 years old and dating an amazing guy. </em>[Good start.]<em> We dated once before, but I broke it off. </em>[Uh oh.]<em> Then I found myself completely, irresistibly compelled to ask for a second chance, and he took me back.</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Our relationship has not been easy with the history that comes along with it. </em><em>My boyfriend is a caring, loyal, sweet man, but small, painful, things continue to come up.</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>For example, he made a negative comment about a photo of me taken before we met. </em>[(Laughs) Well maybe it wasn't a great photo.]<em> He continues to do things like this occasionally despite the multiple times I have explained to him how much it hurts. He sees the pain he causes in the way I react, yet has not stopped. So, I started giving him a dose of his own medicine and, my, oh my, does he hate it. If he makes a hurtful comment about my past </em>[and that's different than about a photo, huh?]<em>, I bring up something about his past. I don't agree with making a relationship a tit-for-tat score board, but I honestly do not know how else to get the point to sink in."</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>Dr. Laura, am I right to fight fire with fire or am I simply burning everything around us?</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">(That must be a writer; that's a very clever question.) "My boyfriend is a caring, loyal, sweet man..." but you never told me why you dumped him in the first place and then you ask <em>him</em> if you could come back. So, gosh darn, I wish there was more information than that. But you go from him making a negative comment about a photo... Well, can't he be honest if the photo makes you look silly or something? I mean these are not necessarily comments that have an intent to hurt. <br />But then you say, "He continues to do things like this occasionally despite the times I've explained to him how much it hurts." Well maybe you have to toughen up a little bit because I'm not getting the sense...since the only example you gave was his comment about a picture, and we all have stupid stuff in our past and you have to learn how to have a little more of a sense of humor and not be so hyper-sensitive is what I'm thinking. And no, I don't see that because I'm hurt, I'm justified hurting you. I never saw that as a good way to have a good relationship. </p>
<p>So if he looks at a picture of you and says, "Eww, that hairdo," then look at it and go, "Yeah, well that wasn't my best hairdo." Nobody's hurt, nobody's mad - it's over. Stop being so hyper-sensitive. Love is not about only saying the things that are going to make you feel good. Honest comments may embarrass you or quirk you a little bit but stop being so sensitive. Stop being so sensitive. Stop being so sensitive! Next time make a joke about it. Try that as a response. If this man sincerely means to hurt you, then you should dump him [raises wrist and looks down at watch] as of now.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bj_iBCp95iw" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-06-11T21:03:00ZMy Child Hates EnglishStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Child-Hates-English/-74165712880094655.html2013-06-04T20:16:00Z2013-06-04T20:16:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here. Welcome to our YouTube channel. This is where I get to answer your questions in writing. This one's from Janet:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Ever since my son was little, I noticed that English was not his favorite subject.</em></p>
<p><em>Now that he's older, I'm frustrated, because he has no motivation to improve his grades. I've had a one-on-one conference with his English teacher and we agreed to take away privileges such as TV, games and going outside to play </em>[Oh yea, that's a really smart thing to do with a boy! (Laughs) To not disperse some of that energy]... <em>Nothing has worked. I tried talking to him to explain how this will affect his life, and I even tried spanking, but none of it worked. </em></p>
<p><em>Do I have any other options to make my son understand the importance of this subject? He has good grades in math, social studies, band and all his other subjects... English is his only problem. Please help!"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>That was one of the most boring subjects I ever had in my entire life. You know when you have to take a sentence and take it down into subject, and this and that, and make all those...I hated that too. But I loved to read. The Harry Potter series probably propelled more kids into reading than [reverts back to letter] spanking, no TV, games, no going outside to play - nothing; it was something that turned them on. </p>
<p>So my suggestion is, he's a bright kid, what he's not interested in he doesn't pay any attention to. That's typical of boys. That's just a guy thing, ok? It never stops. (As you notice with your husband, when he's really not interested in what you have to say, he doesn't hear.) So what I suggest you do is...what does he really like? Does he like space ships? Does he like underwater things? Does he like animals? Does he like plant things or bugs? Whatever he likes, get him books about things he's interested in and he will be reading, reading, reading, reading. He's just bored with what they're doing in school and I don't blame him. So was I. But I used to sneak with a flashlight and read books under the covers all night. But I just couldn't stand the stuff they gave me at school. So I'm with your kid. Spanking me wouldn't change it either. So get him books on what he'd like to read.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EeyUbmW5UE4" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-06-04T20:16:00ZMy Flirting SpouseStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Flirting-Spouse/-704136888787092666.html2013-05-30T16:06:00Z2013-05-30T16:06:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here. This is our YouTube channel and a letter from Denise with a question:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Since I was nervous about an impending hysterectomy, my husband and I and our 3 adult children recently went out one evening to a local pub to get my mind off the surgery for a while and to offer emotional support.</em></p>
<p><em>When we arrived, we ran into one of my husband's former employees. She had been drinking heavily. </em>[Uh oh, the plot is thickening.]<em> She was single, but was there with her son and the son's wife. She started hanging all over my husband, unbuttoned his shirt, and even rubbed her hands on his chest! </em>[And he stood there for that?]</p>
<p><em>He asked if it was okay with me if he went over to another table to sit with her. I was hurt by the question and even more hurt by his blatant flirting with her when he knew I was concerned about my upcoming surgery. </em>[What the heck does your surgery...I know emotionally you feel like less of a woman because you're losing parts nobody sees anyway, but that has nothing to do with it. Your husband was rude, crude and socially unacceptable and very unloving as a husband. And this is behavior...you should put him over your knee and give him a spanking.] <em> Our children were upset, and I felt humiliated.</em></p>
<p><em>He will not acknowledge how hurt I was at his flirting and his basic insensitivity to my feelings. Am I overreacting, and if not, what should I do about it?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Tell him to go live with his mother until he figures it out, and I'm not kidding. And that's it. He betrayed you, not because you have surgery but because he acted like an unbelievable pig. What the heck are you doing married to such a guy? Don't tell me this is the first time you've seen this behavior. Come on. And she wouldn't take such license in front of you if she hadn't once taken license [looks around and rolls eyes] behind you (if you get my drift). </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KcUma_Q1VIQ" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-05-30T16:06:00ZWeeding Out a Bad FriendStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Weeding-Out-a-Bad-Friend/828233099659058683.html2013-05-21T18:49:00Z2013-05-21T18:49:00Z<p>Hiya, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here and this is our magnificent, "splendiferous" YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. And this one's from Bonnie:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"I recently made the painful decision to end a friendship of 25 years. </em>[Oh, that's too bad.]<em> My former friend has made some very destructive decisions in her life (including 'shacking up,' bringing men in and out of her children's lives, and most recently bringing drugs into her home) and I realize no amount of love or support on my part is going to make her change her behavior.</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>The problem is with our mutual friends. Some of us get together every month, and it's been a source of strength and support for all of us. None of the other women agree with or support what our friend is doing, but they're fairly meek and non-confrontational, so they won't speak up or be honest with her.</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>By removing myself from my friend's life, do I have to remove myself from this group of women, who are going to go on as before? I'm torn, because I do get a lot from their friendship."</em></p>
<p>Okay, ground rules. They can have a get-together with her and we can have a secondary get-together with you, with her left out. And just tell them, "Whether or not you're willing, able or interested in saying anything to her, I can't be with somebody who's being so destructive in their children's lives." By the way, if you know that she's bringing drugs into the home where there are minor children, you ought to be calling Child Protective Services and the police department. Boy, won't that make a stir?! But yeah, we're here to protect the kids first so that's something I want to remind you of. </p>
<p>But I would say to the friends, "Our friendship is now going to exclude this concept and this person because anybody who puts children in jeopardy is nobody I want in my life." It's amazing how decent people tend to be wussy. I'm glad you're not one of them because the wussiness permits the badness to gain strength, and to grow and proliferate. So good for you; I'm proud of you. But call C.P.S. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Be back next time, right here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/pMazLT7qeHI" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-05-21T18:49:00ZShould I Tell My Kid Before Someone Else Does?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-I-Tell-My-Kid-Before-Someone-Else-Does/-458195503476514505.html2013-05-14T17:17:00Z2013-05-14T17:17:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome again to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer a question from Tanya:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"23 years ago I was raped, and got pregnant as a result of that rape. </em></p>
<p><em>Abortion was absolutely not an option for me. I did consider adoption, but decided that the child, regardless of the circumstances of its conception, was still part of me and I decided to keep her. I have never once regretted that decision. My daughter is the most loving and giving person I know and I could not be more proud to be her mother. I never told her the circumstances of her birth.</em></p>
<p><em>When my daughter was 3 months old, I met someone who seemed to be the 'perfect man.' He said he loved me and would love my daughter and would adopt her after we married (he never did). I married him and it was the worst mistake of my life. I lived through 20 years of emotional and physical abuse. I finally was able to get out of the marriage last year. Now my ex-husband is threatening to tell my daughter the circumstances of her birth. </em></p>
<p><em>I don't know if he will ever tell her or not. Should I go ahead and tell her myself before he can? And if so, what should I say?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I have a philosophy about this sort of circumstance...not rape and all of that, but telling kids things. You tell kids things by their need to know, not by your fear that they might hear it. It seems to me that you must have some track record to demonstrate that you have been beaten by this man. I think you need to go to an attorney who deals with criminal activities and you need to go to the police and you need to file charges against this husband of yours, whether or not he tells your daughter.</p>
<p>And you know, I prefer the kids not know that they were the product of a rape, however I think it is really touching and lovely what you wrote in this first paragraph about her [points to beginning of letter written by listener]. And if you ever have to tell her, I suggest you keep this piece of paper [holds up letter] and you show it to her. I think that will mitigate any other feelings that you're worried about. And yeah, it won't be pleasant, it'll be a shock but the worst thing was the 20 years of growing up with this creep. You need to apologize for that one; that one was your fault.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_EGQuoPwcYk" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-05-14T17:17:00ZWhy Is the First Response, 'No'?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Why-Is-the-First-Response,-No/-679988061956612844.html2013-05-07T19:18:00Z2013-05-07T19:18:00Z<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And here's a question from Corey:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Why is it that when a husband or wife comes up with a good idea for something, the automatic answer is often, 'No,' </em>[Laughs]<em> or 'I don't think so.' But if a friend or neighbor comes up with the exact idea, it's 'Wow, that's a great idea!' or 'Yes, you have a good point!'</em></p>
<p><em>For example, I have been saying to my wife for several years that we should get a pool table for our front room, because the kids would love it. Of course I got the big 'NO' from her. But one of her good friends came over and said, 'That's a great room for a pool table,' and my wife is now seriously considering it! </em></p>
<p><em>I have seen this with my relatives, friends, and co-workers over the years. What are your thoughts on why this happens?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>My thought on why this happens is that married couples these days don't spend a lot of time trying to make each other happy. It's as blunt as that. And it's mostly (ok women, get ready)...it's mostly [points at self] the female because we have gone through the whole feminist era where what men want, feel, need or think is irrelevant. And we have knee-jerk reactions because we really diss and disdain our men. And every day I talk to women who don't even realize that's their mindset until their husbands have an affair, or just leave, or start seeing a prostitute, or using the computer to...never mind, you get that picture.</p>
<p>So I would say that the reason your wife says "no" is because she's not giving a moment's thought to your feelings but when a neighbor suggests she should have something [opens up arms wide] and there's a look that's going to happen to her house that's going to reflect on her, then she's all for it because it's about her. So since you're married to that kind of woman, my advice to you from this point on is when you have an idea and you think a pool table would be fun, you say to your wife, "I'm going to get a pool table for the kids and me and you, if you'd like to play, and I'd like you to either look on the net or go with me to the store and help me pick out which one." So you're acting like a man, you're making a declarative sentence about an intent but you are generously, sweetly, lovingly and kindly asking her to participate in it by, you know, choosing the wood or the designs on the legs [makes swirling motion with pointed finger]. I think you've got to do that because you're married to a woman who needs to read <em>The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands</em>. But that's why it happens because if their friends say it it's about how they look, if you say it you don't matter that much. And your wife probably doesn't even have the ill intent; she's just so well trained by the feminist movement. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/E9tX6wmroWs" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-05-07T19:18:00ZMy Finical Critical MotherStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Finical-Critical-Mother/-911856962658967386.html2013-04-30T19:36:00Z2013-04-30T19:36:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here with our YouTube channel and our question from Janice:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I grew up in a household where my mother was constantly criticizing me. </em>[That's too bad.]<em> She's still doing it, even though I'm an adult with a husband and child. She makes me feel as though everything I do is wrong. And she not only criticizes me, but she takes issue with our parenting style.</em></p>
<p><em>Lately, she's been comparing our son unfavorably to other kids his age, implying that he's not as smart as they are. Even though my husband thinks I'm doing just fine as a wife and mother, I'm always anxious and feel I haven't done enough because of my own mother's critical comments.</em></p>
<p><em>How can I get my self-confidence back? And should my husband and I limit the time our family spends with my mother?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>[Sighs, looks up and shakes head.] Janice, Janice, Janice. Your mother is destructive. You have a moral obligation to protect your family (that means your husband, your children and yourself) from people who are destructive and dangerous. And your mother is just blatantly mean. </p>
<p>What you really need to do is have her come over one night for dinner and after dessert tell her, "This was our last supper. You have for [I don't know how old you are, but let's say...] 35 years have been nothing but negative and hostile and undermining me and I won't have it anymore. So this is our last supper until you can learn to act like a supportive, kind, loving mother and human being. So let me help you to the door; here's your purse, here's your coat. Goodbye." You [points finger sternly] need to do that with that kind of strength and conviction. Did you hear me?! Are you clear?! Good. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0aticmoOFpU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-04-30T19:36:00ZStepping Out of Your Comfort ZoneStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stepping-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone/146883416802944301.html2013-04-23T18:43:00Z2013-04-23T18:43:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here with our YouTube channel and a question from Jessica:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am a 39-year-old, healthy, attractive, intelligent and kind woman, who has never been married. I do not have a fulfilling job or life! I honestly do not know what I am doing wrong. I am ready to be my husband's girlfriend and to have some sort of career in which I can contribute to society. I have been searching for these two things since my twenties and have not found lasting love or a lasting interest in any particular career.</em></p>
<p><em>A few of my friends have become very distant because they have said that being around me is bringing them down (because they know I'm dissatisfied and not making progress towards fixing it). This is VERY painful. </em></p>
<p><em>I feel like a smart person, but I must be missing something about my situation, something that perhaps someone with a fresh perspective can see and illuminate for me. I'm SO ready to live life, but I just don't know how to attract the things I want. </em></p>
<p><em>Can you help me take the first step?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yeah. The most important thing about you is that you're, "Healthy, attractive, intelligent and very kind." [Looks around with eyes.] You know, nobody is that perfect. [Laughs.] Including yours truly. I would call myself a hyperactive gerbil. The reality is that you need to see yourself in this [holds cupped hand in the air towards sky] glowing light of perfection and, you know, taking risks with people or careers or jobs or hobbies... Taking risks are scary and there's failure, and you've managed to avoid all of it. You have no failures because you don't stay with anything. You don't have any failures in relationships because you don't stay with anything. You're hiding...you are hiding. </p>
<p>The first step is for you to sit back and go, "Whoa, yeah. What could she mean? What am I hiding from?" You're hiding from finding out that you're not just purely perfect. Your need to be perfect comes from where? "Oh, I don't know." Let's go from age 12 down. But you are definitely hiding and you're definitely protecting yourself (in my never-to-be-humble opinion) from any sort of really painful loss and hurt and judgment. You're calling this painful?! This is the place you stay safe. And as long as you're determined to stay safe, nothing else will change. That's your first step.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OiX3eCoa-ew" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-04-23T18:43:00ZA Rose by Any Other NameStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Rose-by-Any-Other-Name/500316738929796703.html2013-04-16T22:51:00Z2013-04-16T22:51:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here, welcoming you to our YouTube channel and our question today comes from Patricia:</p>
<p>"<em>I have had a lifelong issue that is slightly strange. My family does not call me by my given name 'Patricia." They insist on calling me 'Patrice'.</em> [My son's name is 'Deryk' and I still call him 'Boopy.']</p>
<p><em>I'm stressed out by this. I am an artist and, at exhibits of my work, the gallery owners are confused as to what my name is. One owner, a friend of mine, wrote under some of my paintings 'She calls herself 'Patricia,' with quotes around my name. I was terribly embarrassed. </em>[Why?!] <em>'My parents affectionately call me Patrice, my name is Patricia and that's how I'm going professionally.'</em> [I don't understand what all this sensitivity and confusion is about. It's kind of cute. Of course my son does not walk around calling himself 'Boopy,' but I do.]</p>
<p><em>I am tired of asking my family to call me Patricia. It makes me feel like a clown when people think I am attempting to put on airs by 'calling myself' something, even when it's my actual name! I've toyed with calling my family members by other names than their own so they know how it feels to have these situations arise constantly.</em></p>
<p><em>What should I do?"</em></p>
<p>Lighten up. Patrice is the affectionate nickname your parents have for you. You have a professional name. Why you are overreacting to this affectionate call? I mean, people are used to calling you "Patrice" by now. What the heck is the difference? Why do you put so much into it that you're embarrassed and putting on airs, and that they're trying to diminish you? There are other issues going on here. I'd like for you to write me again about the other issues of you feeling "lesser than" that you put so much into a name.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time and hopefully I'll hear from Patricia again. This is our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3ZqAoJLp0DM" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-04-16T22:51:00ZShould I Stay or Should I Go?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-I-Stay-or-Should-I-Go/-906493630442187658.html2013-04-09T16:40:00Z2013-04-09T16:40:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel. And I'm answering a question from Donald today:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Is it better to stay in a loveless, stagnant marriage after 20 years and five kids (ages between 10-20) or to get out? </em></p>
<p><em>I know it's easier to get out, in some ways, but I'm wondering if our lack of love, affection, and warmth for each other does more harm than good for our kids. </em></p>
<p><em>My parents stuck it out through the good and bad times for the past 51 years. I'm not sure we can do that.</em></p>
<p><em>No infidelity involved. No issues of addiction to chemicals. Just two people who don't see eye to eye or even eye to nose anymore.</em></p>
<p><em>How can we decide whether to stay together or go our separate ways?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>There is no separate ways [makes slicing/cutting motion with hand to neck] while the kids are minors. It's going to destroy their lives and you don't have the right to do that. Unless there's violence or addictions or blatant infidelities, and obviously there's none of that. There's just two people putting no effort into loving the other person. When was the last time you woke up, looked at her, and said, "What can I do to make her happy that she's alive and married to me?" Imagine if you woke up and said that to yourself and then thought of something cool like rushing to the kitchen, getting some coffee and oatmeal and bringing it in and sitting there and just chatting while she's having the oatmeal, looking at you like you fell on your head. <br /> <br />What if you lived to see something eye to her eye? What if you made the effort to agree with things that really don't matter that much to you? What if you made her feel like her thoughts and ideas had some importance, some significance, and some standing? What if? Why don't you do that for a month and write to me again? Spend every day thinking about how you can make her happy she's alive and married to you and watch the change. That's probably something your parents learned.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dqh9g3rb-vk" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-04-09T16:40:00ZHonor Her MemoryStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Honor-Her-Memory/-97997368393682536.html2013-04-02T22:32:00Z2013-04-02T22:32:00Z<p>[Makes growling noise (picture of grizzly bear in background) then looks back at picture and motions.] Shh! I'm working!</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. This one is from Desiree:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I lost my daughter in 2005 at the age of 22 </em>[sighs]<em> after she had a four year battle with cancer. I don't live, I just survive. </em></p>
<p><em>My health took a huge hit from the stress of her illness and death. I was a stay-at-home mom and home schooled her from birth through high school. She was not only my daughter; she was my best friend. My childhood and marriage were never good.</em></p>
<p><em>I have been separated since shortly after my daughter died and my divorce will soon be final. I have a full-time job but am pretty non-productive beyond that. </em></p>
<p><em>How do I move on with life like my daughter would have wanted me to do?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Well you...first of all, I'm a mother...I don't know that my reaction would be much different. But I know that I'd get to a point where if my child lost his life and he clung to life and loved life and I'm wasting the thing that he lost, that would make me feel terrible. You can't be wasting the very thing she lost - that's insulting. </p>
<p>What you've got to do is take the life she lost and do something with it in her memory. And that doesn't necessarily just mean opening up a charity in her memory...or you could do that. A lot of parents do that and it really helps them because they're helping other people in their child's name. But it also means that having a quality of life that honors her memory. </p>
<p>What you're doing now [sniffles] does not honor her memory and you owe her that. So decide that happiness, taking on challenges, having a good time is honoring the thing she lost - life. Honor her.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zKZJ7X42LKg" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-04-02T22:32:00ZMy Daughter Keeps Returning to Her Addict HusbandStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Daughter-Keeps-Returning-to-Her-Addict-Husband/703713909753260879.html2013-03-26T16:41:00Z2013-03-26T16:41:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube Channel. I get to answer your questions and this one's from Melody:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My daughter and her 8-year-old just came to stay with my husband and me, as her addict husband is going through outpatient rehab and she felt unsafe in their home. </em>[I love when people choose wisely who they marry.]<em> This is not the first time she has left during their 9 year marriage. His entire family has some form of addiction. She thinks if he stays off drugs she can go back home as she hates the thought of her daughter growing up in a broken home. I believe the atmosphere of their home is very destructive to my poor granddaughter. </em></p>
<p><em>I tried to explain to my daughter that even with the drugs gone, he has serious character defects. She said he is working on changing those (in his 28 day rehab program!). [Yeah right.] I am very concerned and though I hate divorce, I do not think that she should try yet again. I am encouraging her to get some help. She has agreed to stay with us for 90 days. He's acting very sweet to her now. I told her the true test will be when he goes back to work and is faced with the routine stress of life again. This is the third time in the last 5 years that she has had to come to stay with us. </em></p>
<p><em>My husband said we have to prepare ourselves should she return to him. He said we can't keep doing this as it is terribly draining on us. I'm torn over what I should do."</em> </p>
</blockquote>
<p>I don't know exactly what's going on in that house - if there's any violence or if your grandchild can talk to you about what's going on, but at some point you're going to have to call the Police and Child Protective Services when you have some clarity, some proof, some information about what's going on in that house that are impacting her - if the drugs are in the house, whatever it is, if there's violence, if there's a lot of yelling and screaming. It depends where you are in this country but, for example, in Los Angeles a lot of yelling and screaming and violence between the parents is considered child abuse, so this is where...and I know Child Protective Services is overwhelmed and I don't understand why people are so cruel to their children but at some point you may want to do that or might want to go to court for custody. </p>
<p>I'm telling you this because we can't leave this up to your daughter. She's probably going to go back again and again and again until something horrific happens because that's who she is; she has her character defect. The child is innocent in the middle of this. What you need to do is go to another authority figure and that's where the Police, Child Protective Services and the courts to try to get custody away from her/from them as "unfit." </p>
<p>So let's wait until he's out of rehab, relapses again, this whole thing starts all over again and you can demonstrate: rehab just keeps happening, nothing changes and you want to protect this child. I know that hurts your feelings as a mother towards your daughter, but your daughter's a bit of a lost cause and now we have to work on the grandchild. That's the innocent party - not your daughter. She has decision-making power - this child doesn't. Get that child an attorney. There are things you can do legally.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, right here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WHjnIDwfxeU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-03-26T16:41:00ZMy Husband Rewards Our Son's Bad BehaviorStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Husband-Rewards-Our-Sons-Bad-Behavior/471704570429382913.html2013-03-19T16:42:00Z2013-03-19T16:42:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. This is from Wanda:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am a very happily married woman </em>[I'm so happy to hear that] <em>with a very large dilemma:</em></p>
<p><em>I have been married for eight years, and we have a 7-year-old son. </em>[I love when the math works, don't you? (Laughs)] <em> My husband doesn't acknowledge anything my son does wrong. [Uh oh] We are raising an 'out of control' child, who is very disrespectful, controlling, mouthy, doesn't listen to anything we say, and lies about everything... but only when my husband is around. </em></p>
<p><em>My son can be very nice, loving, thoughtful and helpful, but never in front of my husband. This is the only thing my husband and I fight about, and lately, we fight more often than I'd like to admit. I feel like I've tried everything to get my husband to realize that this is harming our son, but he would rather ignore the situation and continue rewarding this awful behavior. </em></p>
<p><em>I'm losing respect for my husband because he doesn't take any action with our son. I'm the bad guy and he is the playful one, he's the one who cares - he's Daddy. Do you have any suggestions?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yeah. I think it is really important for you to sit down with your husband and say, "Let's talk about when you were growing up and you were 8 years old, and you were with your mommy and daddy and what was going on." At first, he won't want to answer, and then say, "You know what? It seems to me that it's very important to you that our son have total freedom and never be bad or wrong. And I was wondering if that was because when you were growing up you were always bad or wrong and you just don't want him to suffer like you did?" </p>
<p>So, in other words, you're giving an analysis, you're giving a potential explanation for the problem, and you're not attacking him and fighting with him. But you're helping him delve into his deepest motivations for what you and I know is hurting your boy. But when we approach him that way, he only gets defensive. </p>
<p>If you touch the feelings he's had since he was a child about how nothing he did or said felt rewarded or appreciated, and he was always wrong, he was always criticized or ignored, or whatever it was. Maybe he was only acknowledged when he was a pain in the butt. So whatever it is...you know something about his parents now and you have to reach into him somehow and get to that. And I would do this real ASAP because your child has developed habits - not good.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eb-4NQ19MTI" frameborder="0" height="349" width="560"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-03-19T16:42:00ZSilly, Selfish and Cheated While We DatedStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Silly,-Selfish-and-Cheated-While-We-Dated/-278717224245659562.html2013-03-12T19:22:00Z2013-03-12T19:22:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to this episode on our YouTube channel. From Regina, is a question for me:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I dated a guy throughout college and I was more concerned with my silly priorities. I was selfish and cheated on him while we dated. </em></p>
<p><em>We broke up two years ago, but still remained in contact as friends. I never told him I cheated on him; however, I am sure he has an idea and I know someone tried to tell him, but he didn't want to believe it.</em></p>
<p><em>Lately I've been reading a lot of your books, and I'm realizing what a great guy he is and I never deserved him nor treated him with the respect that he earned. In our last few conversations, we've flirted with the idea of getting back together some day, but if so, I feel like I should tell him. </em></p>
<p><em>I am not the same person I was when I was a young, stupid, selfish college student and if he and I were to get back together, I wouldn't want any skeletons in the closet to emerge and I would want to be open and honest with him about everything. Should I tell him, even at the risk of losing his friendship?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yes and I'll tell you why. I can more easily be friends with somebody that tells me the truth of their evolution than I can with finding it out later and knowing that they kept something from me. Friends don't do that. A real friend says, "I was a jerk. I did bad things. That was then and I regret them, I apologize for them, I take full responsibility for being an idiot, and I hope you will forgive me for that then, but it certainly isn't me now. I don't have those priorities. I don't have those fears and insecurities that led me to behave like an idiot and flirt around. I'm a stable and more mature woman who really values you. And I wanted to tell you this so you'd have clarity because, if you make a decision about being with me, I want you to know that I'm not the silly girl I used to be. You were right in breaking up with me. I have grown. I hope you can forgive that and accept who I am now."</p>
<p>That's a lot more attractive than the sneaking, hiding and withholding because that shows you haven't changed at all. Unless you're willing to acknowledge it, have remorse, try to repair it, never repeat it, and be open about it with him, you haven't changed at all. So yeah, by virtue of the fact that you seem to understand what I'm saying already, it sounds to me like you've changed. [Gives a thumbs up] Let him know that; he'll respect you more.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Eyg4LZSY2yg" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-03-12T19:22:00ZI'm Burned-Out on LifeStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Im-Burned-Out-on-Life/443205111857178908.html2013-03-05T21:46:00Z2013-03-05T21:46:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I answer your questions. This one's from Willow:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I raised 6 kids </em>[wow]<em> who are all in their 20's, and I handle all the stuff for the house -- finances, cooking, shopping, cleaning and pets (2 small spoiled puppies).</em></p>
<p><em>I also work full time </em>[has a puzzled look on face and throws out hands in a questionable look]<em> and drive 40 miles one way daily to work. (We live in a small rural community where jobs are at least 30-40 miles away.) My work is demanding, and lately I feel as if I can't take much more of anything. </em></p>
<p><em>I am tired of my family "needing" something, and the stress I feel in dealing with ungrateful vendors or asking customers for past due money. Finding another job really isn't an option because there just isn't any to offset the cost of getting to it. Working from home doesn't work because of the poor internet connection in our rural area. </em></p>
<p><em>Because I'm in a small town (less than a thousand people) everyone knows everyone's business and I try not to associate with that, because I don't like gossip. I don't have much family either -- most have died. My husband's family is very loud and nosy and they spread gossip faster than a wildfire. If they don't know something, they just make it up. </em></p>
<p><em>I feel like I could just explode. Is it possible for someone like me to get burned-out on life?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yeah! You have too much on your plate. You're probably one of those people who "feels" an obligatory need to be involved with or take care of everybody, and you can't be doing that. You don't mention...you say your husband...you have to sit down with your husband and say, "Honey, I'm not feeling as sexy with you as I used to because I'm exhausted. These are the things that I do in a day and I was wondering if we could divvy them up differently so that I would feel more cuddly and amorous with you." There's hardly a guy on the face of the earth who is still alive and has 1 milligram of testosterone in him that's not going to be enthralled by that way of explaining that he should take care of the finances, help with the cleaning and take responsibility for the pets. And then you can do the shopping and whatever else. So if you both work, you've got to divvy this up better; the kids are up and out. If your kids need something you have to tell them, "You know what? Call your sister/brother; I'm not able to do that." You're going to have to delegate. But with your husband [bats eyelashes and smiles] you just need to use feminine wiles. And I know people aren't taught that anymore but you just say, "I would be a lot more kissy, huggy, cuddly, sexy-feeling if you would take some of these things off my plate. He'll be very happy to, as long as there is the payoff. (Which will make you smile too [points to smile on face])</p>
<p>The best relaxation and the best way to un-burn out yourself is a great orgasm. I've said it once; I've said it a million times. Take me seriously. This isn't servicing him; this is putting a smile on your face while your toes curl.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel. </p>
<p>(The toes...don't forget the toes.)</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lWAFT35_10U" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-03-05T21:46:00ZMy Teen Left My Toddler Alone in the HotelStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Teen-Left-My-Toddler-Alone-in-the-Hotel/85125192971567266.html2013-02-27T00:44:00Z2013-02-27T00:44:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions that you've written in. This is from Luisa:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Recently, my 13-year-old daughter, my 2 1/2- year-old son and our 16-year-old German exchange student went on a weekend trip with my mother for a church event. </em></p>
<p><em>My mother left the kids in the hotel room to go to the pharmacy down the street. My daughter and the exchange student decided to leave my 2 1/2-year-old son in the room alone and they went to the hotel sandwich shop. [Look of concern on face.]</em></p>
<p><em>Yes, this was a bad decision in so many ways, but to make things worse, a church member was passing by the room and saw my son looking out the window. Then my son even opened the door to talk to the church member! </em></p>
<p><em>This could have been so much worse. Dr. Laura, what course of action should I take with my daughter? How could she not know that this was a dangerous thing to do? Is this a preview of events to come due to her lack of good judgment?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Let's see, your daughter is 13? That's not that mature. 16-year-old exchange student...you didn't say whether that was a male or female. If it was a male, I think that their little attraction to each other might have obliterated any common sense whatsoever. But my suggestion for you is, when you have teenagers going on a trip you don't have a 2 1/2-year-old with them.</p>
<p>Don't get mad, but I think that was not good judgment on your part. The activities and behaviors of teenagers out on the loose are not conducive to focusing in on taking care of a 2 1/2-year-old. And grandma I guess didn't lay down the law [says in a stern voice]: "You people stay right here until I get back." And it just...no. </p>
<p>The 2 1/2-year-old should stay with you. The only time the 2 1/2-year-old should go with grandma is when grandma doesn't have anybody else around because she probably would never have left the 2 1/2-year-old kid alone. </p>
<p>So, rule: teenagers [motions with hand to the right], 2 1/2-year-olds [motions with hand to the left]. They are not on the same trip.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time right here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/J5_wgKpB1K8" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-02-27T00:44:00ZGrandma's Ignoring My BabyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Grandmas-Ignoring-My-Baby/482601046295027306.html2013-02-20T00:06:00Z2013-02-20T00:06:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. I get to answer your questions and this one's from Eva:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My brother and I had our babies two months apart </em>[it's probably his wife (laughs)...just occurred to me.]<em>- it was his first, and my third. </em></p>
<p><em>My family has clearly shown more favoritism for his daughter -- more cooing, coddling, holding - than for mine. They didn't even seem interested when my daughter had some of her 'firsts' - first smile, first steps and the like.</em></p>
<p><em>My parents weren't this way when it came to my first two children. They've always been loving and caring equally towards both, but now my youngest gets overlooked because they are so consumed with my brother's 'golden child'. I should also tell you that my brother is the first-born, only son in our family. </em></p>
<p><em>Even my oldest daughter is noticing the cold shoulder my youngest gets from my Mom and younger sister. Do I talk to them or not? And what should I say to end this behavior?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>First of all, I think there are a couple things going on. I don't think this is about your brother being the first born and only son, but it's their first grandkid with him. And I think you're right, they're getting overly focused and not being very sensitive. </p>
<p>Truthfully, I think your daughter that's noticed it should talk to Grandma. It's something different when you say, "You're paying more attention to my brother's kid." Because then it sounds like sibling rivalry gone amok. Right? But if your daughter sits on Grandma's lap and says, "You know, you don't pay attention too much to my little sister." That's going to really [makes noise and stabbing motion to chest] hurt. So let's get them where they live. </p>
<p>I think they're just not considering, because this is your third, and so they're making a fuss over the first. I doubt there's any ill intent and I'm not naïve and I'm not a Pollyanna type, but I can sort of see the situation where it's their son's first kid so they're making a fuss. But you're right, it's going to be very hurtful, divisive between you and your brother, much less the kids and it does have to be addressed. </p>
<p>My advice: let your daughter do it. I think it'll have much more impact. (Yes, I am devious.)</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FDD52NJw5Oo" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-02-20T00:06:00ZIs My Friend Taking Advantage of Me?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Is-My-Friend-Taking-Advantage-of-Me/-836107506593838543.html2013-02-15T16:49:00Z2013-02-15T16:49:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. And today the question is from Leslie:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I am good friends with my neighbor of 16 years. </em>[That's good.]<em> She and her husband travel a lot (at least 15 days or more a month). </em>[Wow.]<em> I have been collecting their mail, taking out their trash, and watering house plants while they're gone. They do not pay me, but they do take my husband and me out to dinner maybe once a month. They have called me a handful of times while they are gone to go in their home to help them out with one thing or another.</em></p>
<p><em> I found out that the usual fee for these services is 20 to 30 dollars a day. I have one neighbor who pays someone to stay at their house and watch their dogs and pays 45 dollars a day. </em></p>
<p><em>Is it wrong for me to feel that I am being taken advantage of?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I'm going to stop here. The letter goes on... No, because that was the agreement. You agreed to do it as a neighbor and as a friend. I wouldn't dream of charging a friend. I really wouldn't...wouldn't dream of it. Moving on:</p>
<p><em>"I really don't mind doing it, but I don't feel the appreciation. </em> [Really? She doesn't say 'Thank you?' She doesn't take you out to dinner?] <em>Is a 'Thank You' enough for all that I do?</em> [It would be for me.]</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>I don't want to ruin the friendship we have had for all of these years. I pretty much voiced my opinion to her via text in a silly way [Uh oh.] and when I told her how much the going rate was, she said they couldn't afford that. Yet they travel all the time and go out to dinner and shows a lot. </em><br /><br /><em>Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>You know, you have to make up your mind. You're either going to help a friend or not. You can't turn it into a business relationship. It's a friendship or it's a business relationship - choose one. This other person who hires somebody... We often hire (because I've got 4 dogs) when we want to be out on our motorcycles for like 8 hours. We hire somebody; pay her by the hour to take care of the dogs. We're friendly but she's not my buddy. As a matter of fact, she's buddy enough that she said, "Don't pay me," and of course I did but that wasn't the relationship; we weren't friends. We just knew each other and liked each other. That's not the same as friends.</p>
<p>I did something for a friend. We made a business deal; he was to pay me to make something for each guest (300 people) who came to an event to celebrate the death of someone dear to him. And I said, "Of course I'll do this for you." And I did them all. I even have pictures of us...we look like little Christmas elves working on things (my husband and my friend helped me with gluing some things) and I didn't charge him because we're friends and he argued with me. I said, "We're friends. Friends don't charge each other, they just say 'Thank you.'" </p>
<p>Here's the key though: if someday you're needing some help with something and there's no desire to reciprocate, then you're not really friends and you should just go back to being neighbors. In which case, you shouldn't bother with their home; they'll need to hire somebody. But until then, this is what a friend does; it's part of the job description.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8hj0SiQS2iI" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-02-15T16:49:00ZHow Can I Stop Pushing People Away?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/How-Can-I-Stop-Pushing-People-Away/-730205569288551156.html2013-02-07T18:04:00Z2013-02-07T18:04:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here and welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer a question from Don:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I have a habit of judging people before really getting to know them. I particularly do this with women in whom I think I'm interested romantically. I always seem to find something about them to justify not getting involved or ending the relationship and pushing them away. I do this 'judging' with co-workers, too. </em></p>
<p><em>What can I do to stop this behavior? I'm feeling rather isolated because of it."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yeah, but that's kind of the bad part of the main point of your behavior. The main point of your behavior is to protect yourself. So the first thing you have to do is, "What is the worst a coworker could do to hurt me? What's the worst this woman could do to hurt me?" Hmm...[makes ticking noises] Oh, I know the answer: reject you.</p>
<p>You're shooting first. You don't want to be shot at; you don't want to be rejected. And you know what? All these people are walking around hurt because you rejected them. They're getting on with life and you would too. We're all rejected at sometime or another, not necessarily because we're bad or stupid, or dumb or unloveable or any of that, it's just because it's not a match. </p>
<p>So first thing you have to do is to say, "I wonder what it's like to be that person?" So start asking them questions: "So, what do you do? What are your hobbies? What are your best memories about a vacation?" And show interest in them. Take it away from worrying about being hurt. You're going to be hurt from time to time - we all are. We all can sit here and remember... </p>
<p>Oh there was one guy I really liked. I don't know that we were a very good match but I really liked him and [sniffles] he broke it off because we weren't a match and I was sad. And I'm still here doing okay, all right? So that's part of life and you have to be willing to accept some hurt in order not to be isolated, because that's what you've done to yourself. And of course that is the ultimate protection, isn't it? If I'm in a cave, all alone, then nobody can hurt me. But I also can't be hugged. Trade-off.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, right here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/fEzK1o8zlxU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-02-07T18:04:00ZMy Son Doesn't Have FriendsStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Son-Doesnt-Have-Friends/252336216727503547.html2013-01-31T21:32:00Z2013-01-31T21:32:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. And this one is from Linda:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I've homeschooled my son off and on since 5th grade and he's now in 8th. It seems that he learns best at home where he is not distracted by other students. </em></p>
<p><em>I continually worry about socialization however. He never quite fits in with the 'cool' kids </em>[Good! I don't know why you're unhappy with that] <em>because he is unwilling to be a jerk like them and they treat him badly. He never really fits in with the 'nerds' though either. He seems to think he's a little bit too good for those kids that don't dress fashionably and aren't jocks. He virtually has no friends and it breaks my heart. </em></p>
<p><em>We have him in martial arts and other sports programs, and we are joining a home school group where he says he will make more of an effort to get to know some kids. I guess I just can't relate to his situation because I was in the 'cool crowd'; </em>[Sidebar: I wasn't (laughs)] <em>his life is so different. I struggle with all of this more than he does because I want his life to be 'normal' and it sure isn't.</em></p>
<p><em>How can I help him?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>First of all, he'll develop friends where he feels comfortable. Good. He probably relates to other guys doing sports and other of these things that you say you're going to do...the martial arts, etc. This is all good. Leave him alone. He's not going to be king of the prom like you, he's going to be more like me and I think that's great.</p>
<p>You find your friends where you really find them and you don't need cliques and groups. So no real insult to you, my dear, but leave him alone to develop the friends that really are matches and not to just use ego to join in with a crowd that has the power in school. He's fine. Leave him alone; he'll make his way.<br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/i8HFO0v-Ba0" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-01-31T21:32:00Z'Have a Good Day, Honey'Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Have-a-Good-Day,-Honey/-986506818896777797.html2013-01-23T19:53:00Z2013-01-23T19:53:00Z<p>Welcome to our YouTube channel. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I answer your questions here, so keep them coming.</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My wife and I have been married for 37 years. We have a great marriage and I wouldn't let this problem hurt anything, but it does bother me. My wife has never been one to get up in the morning when I do. I go to work a little before 7:00 AM every morning and she is usually still sleeping when I leave for work. My regular schedule is to get up at 5:00AM, watch some early morning news, catch up on emails for an hour, then shower, shave and get ready for work. </em></p>
<p><em>When I come out of the bathroom, I always kiss her good morning (she is almost always still asleep), then go downstairs to make myself some breakfast and it's off to work I go. </em></p>
<p><em>It's not a big deal, but it does bother me that she never gets up to see me off or make breakfast. Am I being unreasonable? She has gotten up a few times, but it's something that never lasts for more than a couple of days. I could use some advice on how to resolve this."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>"I go to work a little before 7:00AM." You get up at 5...goodness. Well I guess you need and like that private time. I don't know what her schedule is so I don't know if it's reasonable for her to be having to get up that early, at 6. I don't know if she's been up late doing anything. Some people need more sleep. What you can ask her is, "Can you leave me a note each morning? Just write a note the night before, saying something cute. So just before I leave, I can read a note from you." That's a good start in letting her know that an interaction from her first thing in the morning makes your day. You don't want her to wake up if she could just leave a note from the night before. </p>
<p>Let's see how that impacts her. Otherwise you know, maybe you should have your "Good Mornings" at night before you go to bed. [Bats eyelashes] Just a thought! I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our sometimes naughty YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eE7KzawO-pU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-01-23T19:53:00ZRelieving AnxietyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Relieving-Anxiety/937220455416968791.html2013-01-15T20:22:00Z2013-01-15T20:22:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions. This is from Jasmin:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Is there a test for knowing when you might benefit from therapy as opposed to asking someone credible for a sage piece of advice? And, is there a type of therapy you prefer over others for anxiety or is there a specific style or type you would advise against as a general rule?</em></p>
<p><em>I know this might be complicated to answer generally, but would love your opinion, if possible."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yeah, this gets a little...I wish you had been willing to be a little more specific. But you mention the anxiety so let me talk about that. Anxiety pathways...some of that can be inherited. Anxiety pathways just set down in the neuro pathways in the brain so that you don't even have to be anxious about something to start feeling anxiety. There are a number of things you can do and it sort of depends upon what works. Not everything works for everybody. </p>
<p>When I was in private practice, sometimes the anxiety I would deal with, I'd tell the person to do yoga twice a day for half an hour. This was to generally calm themselves down so they can face whatever the issues were that were seemingly piling up on them. For some people that was enough. For other people medication (the smallest amount possible) made the difference because it was a biological thing that they could not really get control over. </p>
<p>My favorite technique...because I try to avoid medicine, because they all have side-effects, but if you need it - you need it, what can I say? But my favorite technique is hypnotherapy with someone who actually has accreditation in hypnotherapy, in which case we take people into a trance and then take them to the situation which causes the anxiety or just to the feeling of the anxiety because sometimes it's not cause and effect. Sometimes it just seems to come out of nowhere. So have the feeling of anxiety and then take themselves somewhere that just calms them down. And you can actually see them sitting in the chair or the couch and just calming all the way down. It's like it all pulls itself together instead of being like that [makes outward fluttering motion with hands]. And then have them do something like touch these two fingers together [takes pointer finger and touches her thumb] or hand goes on the thigh [takes palm and rests it on thigh]. I always pick on something that nobody else would notice if you did it. Like doing that [places right hand on left bicep] for a second. (It's also kind of a personal hug.) </p>
<p>So I would try the hypnosis first...definitely would try the hypnosis first. Yoga is always good. You have to stretch out your body, calm yourself down; it's healthy anyway, whether or not you have anxiety. So I would always throw that in, whether or not. If we get to the point where it's uncontrollable and we're running into panic attacks, then medication temporarily or longer term might be necessary. </p>
<p>So it's a matter of going through stages to see what would be the most effective. It's not the matter of just saying [whips hand around in an upward circle and snaps fingers] "what's most effective?" because it's different for different people. I mean, when I get into the last stage of a yoga workout, I go into what they call "corpse pose" - you're on your back, your hands are up, your feet are out [tilts head back and closes eyes], and you're just zoning, it's very hard to be anxious. But some people can get up from that and an hour later be anxious again. So that's why the hypnosis would be the next step (not giving up the yoga because that's just good for you). And last, but don't feel embarrassed if it's necessary, medication to help with that. You always start with the most minute dosage possible and see how that helps you. </p>
<p>A corollary to all of this is: everybody experiences some anxiety in life. And you have to learn, to some extent, to distract yourself, to read something, to talk to somebody, to do something or just tolerate it for a little bit. It's when it's overwhelming your life that it becomes an issue. That people have anxiety is called "Normal life!" It's the magnitude and the frequency which make you realize we have to do something more about it.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and thank you for being here at our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KN_49Kzbzyc" frameborder="0" height="349" width="560"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-01-15T20:22:00ZI'm Busy. I'm Tired. I Can't Get in the Mood.Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Im-Busy.-Im-Tired.-I-Cant-Get-in-the-Mood./-365701412003799224.html2013-01-09T21:05:00Z2013-01-09T21:05:00Z<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer your questions. This one's from Tessa:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My husband and I argue over sex all the time, mostly about how little we have sex. Sex is not a priority to me. I am busy with work, I am busy with the kids, and I am busy with the house. He doesn't understand that I am tired and sex is the last thing I want when I go to bed. </em></p>
<p><em>We are lucky to have sex every few months. I just can't get into the mood. Is this normal? I am 38 years old and he is 42 years old. What do I do?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Ok, I'm going to parse this. "I'm busy." What?! You're a married woman. This is supposed to be your boyfriend, your lover, your best friend. He's last on the list?! What?! You're so busy and do so many things, you don't deserve a reward? And great sex, the feelings that come from that (an orgasm that blows out your circuits), that's not a good reward?! You're too busy to feel good? </p>
<p>Ok, a couple of things. You're busy with work, the kids, the house. Well something has to give. You made your husband, your marriage be the thing that gives, which gives your husband the following alternatives: he can masturbate to porn, he can find a girlfriend on the side (that might end up in him leaving you), he might spend the finances of the family to find hookers, he might join a monastery (I don't think that's possible) but the first three are usually the ones people go to. And since women are so available these days, you don't need to spend money on whores.</p>
<p>So basically speaking he's going to be masturbating or finding a girlfriend. My guess is the girlfriend after the masturbation gets old. So those are his alternatives and what do you say that he's supposed to understand -- that he got married, provided you with a wonderful home and babies and a family, and then he's put on the shelf?! How would you like it if you were the husband in this situation? "Oh honey, I have everything I want and I'm busy with the things that really matter and you don't." Your own sensuality doesn't matter? His emotional needs to be close and loving with you don't matter? What kind of a lousy wife are you?</p>
<p>So you have too much on your plate. Maybe the job needs to go because gosh knows that if you have a full-time job, your kids are not getting you either. You can't possibly be keeping up the house and cooking nice meals and making the smells [raises head and sniffs the air] that everybody remembers in a home when they grow up. What the heck are you doing? </p>
<p>You've got to decide first to be his girlfriend. Without that in the center as the sun, there's nothing that's going to be revolving around it [makes circling motion with pointed finger] without chaos. So you're feministly short-sided, emotionally selfish, romantically blind and you're destroying your marriage. And no, this is not normal. Typical with feminist mentalities that, "I have to have a full-time job and being a wife and a mother and things like that are beneath my dignity." Well you know what? You should've been one of the ones then to never get married or you should've signed a thing with your husband saying, "Guess what? When I get all the things I want, [makes sideways slicing motion with flat hand] you're toast." <br /><br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Oh, by the way, read <em>The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands</em>. The author? [Hits forehead with a stumped/puzzled look on face] Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel. (I almost forgot.)</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/JkAkEVRW5pY" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2013-01-09T21:05:00ZMy Teen Is ShyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Teen-Is-Shy/-656994606773108987.html2012-12-18T08:00:00Z2012-12-18T08:00:00Z<p>Oh, hi. Sorry, I didn't get this done in time [wiping off inside of car trunk]. This is my new Dodge Challenger; very retro. All right [grabs papers]. You know, people forget to clean in here [motions to inside of trunk]. You've got to get in here and then you can really see all of the recesses. I mean, look at that [runs finger along outer rim of trunk and there's dust]; that's not good. And let's see what else might not be good...</p>
<p>Welcome to our YouTube channel. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I answer your questions. This one's from Jessica:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My daughter is 15, and, like most teens is concerned with the social aspect of high school. </em> [Yeah] <em> She is shy and feeling overwhelmed with not being outgoing enough. </em></p>
<p><em>I told her that it takes getting out of your comfort zone a little at a time. </em>[That's a very good piece of advice.]<em> People are always interested in talking about themselves. </em>[Gosh knows.]<em> So I suggested she ask about others to drive the conversations, because the more she does this, the easier it gets. </em></p>
<p><em>Would you have any other words of advice to help me help her get over her shyness?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Well, first of all, everybody's got a different personality and some people are just more outgoing and gregarious than others, but I think it really is very wise of you to give her tips on how to handle situations. And yeah, the number one way to make people like you is to show you're interested in them. </p>
<p>Also you should suggest that she do things in teeny weenie little groups. Like have one or two girls come over and have them do a "something"...anything from charity, going over to some elderly person's house and cleaning up for them, or selling Girl Scout cookies or whatever it is...just doing little things in little groups. If she's overwhelmed by trying to get accepted into a big clique, I don't blame her; so was I. I don't think I've ever gotten over that. </p>
<p>I can stand in front of 20,000 people and give a talk, but if I get into a room with people I don't know (all of whom have a drink in their hand and then pretzels in the other hand) is a little uncomfortable for me. So there you are. Everybody's got their own "normal," but if you want to make connections, you show people you're interested in them. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and it was very nice talking with you but excuse me, I've got work to do. [Grabs cleaning spray and cloth] It's just not clean in here [begins to wipe down car again].</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iKCDSN-2CG8" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2012-12-18T08:00:00ZDaddy's Short Fuse is Damaging the KidsStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Daddys-Short-Fuse-is-Damaging-the-Kids/520686623002420729.html2012-12-11T22:37:00Z2012-12-11T22:37:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. These are two of my five kids and only one has two legs [Laughs] and these are the others. This is Butch [points to dog with blue collar] and that's Babe [points to dog with red collar]. And this is from Amy:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"My husband is a loving spouse, and an attentive, loving father. He has severe ADHD, but won't take any meds because of what he's read about long term effects of the drugs. He gets easily over-stimulated in our home due to our five kids, ages 3 to 9, and the chaos and clutter they produce no matter how I try to keep a clean home and teach the kids to clean up after themselves.</p>
<p>He frequently snaps at the kids, and yells at them when they break rules or frustrate him. I've repeatedly asked him not to yell, but he feels they won't remember the house rules unless he puts a punctuation mark on the telling of them. I feel so badly for the kids, that I am losing respect for my husband.</p>
<p>I see the kids yelling out of frustration, and don't want them to think daddy's yelling is an acceptable response to frustration. How do I honor my husband, and teach the kids to respect him while he is so impatient? And how do I convince my husband of the damage he is causing with his short fuse?"</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Ok, it's your moral obligation as mom to make sure your children aren't hurt by anybody...ANYBODY, regardless of their job description, which in this case is "dad." Dad is out of control. Dad does not appreciate he's out of control. Dad thinks what dad is doing, thinking, saying, feeling is normal - it isn't. There are a couple of things that are useful in a situation like this and one is working with a therapist who is going to teach him how to regain some control.</p>
<p>For example, I would start out by having one of those (what do they call them?) "nanny cams" and film him misbehaving with the children. Let him see and feel what it looks like to have him being out of control over a simple thing out of place or the kids being, I don't know, noisy like kids are. That often brings to that person the realization that, "Oh, I'm out of control." Because in their own minds, it's normal. Somehow seeing it visually in front of them makes a difference. That's part one. Hopefully that will motivate him. </p>
<p>Part two is...the minute he feels like yelling (because he has that rationale that "they will not listen, they will not hear me if I do not yell")... The minute he catches himself yelling, there ought to be some like post-hypnotic suggestion done by a really good hypnotherapist (this is something I would do regularly when I was in private practice), that the minute he would feel that feeling of frustration and wanting to control the situation, there'd be something (whatever) that he could do.</p>
<p>To get one woman to fly on an airplane, every time she got anxious I had her do this [holds one finger in the air]. And so I sat behind her on the plane, watching this [holding one finger up] happen a lot of times for the first hour and then rarely, because a person gains a sense of relaxation when they realize they can control it. So those are the steps you take. </p>
<p>Now, an admonition...and this is coming from Mother Laura and you better listen real hard because I don't want to be yelling and I don't have ADHD, ok? Here it is: you must protect your children. This yelling and screaming, and coming down hard on every little issue is child abuse; psychological child abuse. He is either to work on getting this together with these steps that I've suggested, or tell him to go move in with his mother until he does something about his behavior.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and that's Babe [dog comes up the stairs]. And we'll see you next time on the Dr. Laura YouTube channel. </p>
<p>[Pets Babe and asks, "What are you looking for?"] She likes to eat plants.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ONSfM16GQAM" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2012-12-11T22:37:00ZStuck in the Middle of a Divorce BattleStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stuck-in-the-Middle-of-a-Divorce-Battle/-779390840051888516.html2012-12-04T22:26:00Z2012-12-04T22:26:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. This is our YouTube channel, and this is Butch. I was trying to get into a yoga position so our dear cameraman, Jeff, could take the picture, and Butch just keeps putting himself between the camera and me. This is their built-in protection behavior. Ok, he's my prop [motions and leans on Butch]. This is from Arlene...[says to Butch, "You want to read this? No. Ok"]:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"One of my friends is currently separated from her husband. She is the godmother to one of my sons </em>[Butch starts walking away and Dr. Laura laughs and says, "Props are not supposed to move."]<em> and her husband is the godfather </em>[Butch walks up to cameraman and nudges him. Dr. Laura laughs and says to Butch, "He's ok, you can guard me from here. You can come back here.]<em> to my other son. </em></p>
<p>[Dr. Laura over from the beginning.]</p>
<p><em>One of my friends is currently separated from her husband. She is the godmother to one of my sons, and her husband is the godfather to my other son. My husband and I are stuck in the middle of the divorce battle.</em></p>
<p><em>She moved out and went to live with her parents because they live close by and he went to live in an apartment to be close to his son. She keeps calling me and asking what her husband is up to. She wonders why we still talk with her husband, but we have become really close friends. </em></p>
<p><em>How can I comfort her but not take sides in this situation?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Ok, here's how this deal works: You say, "You know what? The way you two loved each other at one time...we still love both of you. Whatever problems are in the marriage were not in the friendships. We love both of you. There's no way we're taking sides. We hope there's a miracle and the two of you come together and love each other the same magnitude (if not more) that we love both of you. So I want to comfort you by telling you that you have a really good man here and I'd really love to see you work it out. But either which way, we're going to stay good friends with both of you because we love both of you the way you used to love each other."</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. [Camera tilts down to Butch.]</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1sHxISfzY5Q" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2012-12-04T22:26:00ZMy Spouse Won't Lose WeightStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Spouse-Wont-Lose-Weight/-740770848689371647.html2012-11-27T22:08:00Z2012-11-27T22:08:00Z<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and I do welcome you to our YouTube channel here for the Dr. Laura program on SiriusXM Stars 107. This letter is from, "I don't want to be a widow in Texas" [I love that]:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I hear you talk about the difference between an involuntary illness and an illness in which you have some choice in its development. I presume obesity falls into the latter category. </em>[Yes, generally speaking.]</p>
<p><em>My husband is more than 80 pounds overweight, and is father to our two sons, 14 and 16. His father and grandfather died at 49 of heart attacks, and he just turned 49, and won't lose the weight.</em></p>
<p><em>I have NOT been able to help him in 18 years of marriage. Is there anything I can try to do? </em><br /><br /><em>Signed,</em></p>
<p><em>'I don't want to be a widow in Texas' "</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Just make sure you have enough insurance. I mean he's always been overweight. He has no motivation to change. Maybe he figures it doesn't matter because he's going to die anyway, any moment now just like his father and grandfather did. Some people get that in their heads and then they're not motivated.</p>
<p>So make a deal with him; tell him if he hits 50, you're going to help put him on a diet by virtue of cooking breakfast, you're packing his lunch, you're making dinner and no snacks outside of the ones you pack are allowed. And he has to take walks of 2 miles and whatever. Make him a deal that if he lives to 50, he's got to make an effort. He probably won't follow through, but maybe he will once he gets the fear out of his system about being like his father and grandfather because right now he's in the, "What difference does it make? I'm going to die soon anyway. I might as well have a good time eating what I want." When we don't die at 49, let's see what happens. It's worth a shot. (Make sure you have insurance.)</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/25b3z66-TZA" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>
<div id="_mcePaste" class="mcePaste" style="position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; top: 0px; left: -10000px;"></div>Staff2012-11-27T22:08:00ZHe's Just Not Good in BedStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hes-Just-Not-Good-in-Bed/995669634339030981.html2012-11-06T19:33:00Z2012-11-06T19:33:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions and you don't get to argue back. [Laughs] (I like that part a lot.) This one's from Casey:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I'm middle-aged, divorced and then widowed and I have dated quite a bit since. I've recently met a wonderful man, who I really can see a future with.</em></p>
<p><em>However, he is just not good in bed. How do I say that to him without jeopardizing our relationship? I have tried to guide him, let him know what is working but he is just not 'grasping' it.</em></p>
<p><em>I don't want to end a relationship over horrible sex ..."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Well okay, then have a fight about the car because if you have a guy who is really not interested in pleasing you and he's not really motivated to rock your world and make your day, and you're giving hints and giving directions and responding in ways to let him know, then he really doesn't care about your pleasure and I wouldn't marry that. </p>
<p>In the case of "he's not good in bed," I wouldn't even be dating that. Not that you should be having sex when you're just dating...I think I just got myself in a conundrum, but that's okay, you get what I mean.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel. [Smiles and laughs]</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iMmI0BgZYMI" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-11-06T19:33:00ZOur 18-Year-Old Received a D.U.I.Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Our-18-Year-Old-Received-a-D.U.I./214054446551256835.html2012-10-31T14:15:00Z2012-10-31T14:15:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and this is our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions, and this one is from Denise:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"We sent our 18-year-old to a distant community college </em>[I love that..."distant". (Laughs)]<em> and we are paying his rent and Grandpa is paying for school books. </em></p>
<p><em>Our son received a D.U.I. early in the summer before going off to school. He just got his first job, has probation for several months and has to get drug tested each month. If he fails drug testing, should we forget paying anymore and tell him he is on his own? He also has 40 hours of community service left which he has only completed 8 hours of. He must use the bus or bike for transportation.</em></p>
<p><em>We would rather not have him at home because he argues and is not appreciative, plus he will need a ride everywhere! I would appreciate your guidance on this."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Okay. We sit him down and we tell him, "If you don't fulfill your community service, if you test once for drugs or alcohol, if you mess up with your job, if you mess up with school - you're on your own. So you can think of things like the military where there are a lot of alpha-males who are not going to let you get away with anything, but you're going to be financially on your own even though we love you." </p>
<p>Sometimes white lies are necessary at a moment...you don't always love your kids; you feel like they're your kids, but sometimes you just don't feel the feeling of love. I understand that feeling when they're driving you crazy and seem like they must've landed from another planet because you could not possibly have produced such a difficult kid. But nonetheless, say it and just make it clear that these are the limits. That's it. And when he crosses the line, then you have a lot more money for vacations. Think of it that way. It's very sad when the kid is so off-track, but you know young males these days, at 18, are usually not on track. Someday, maybe ten years from now, he will be and that's when he'll come back. That's when your arms will be open. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. This is our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3W2KhqfoYr0" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-10-31T14:15:00ZI Tip More than My FriendStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/I-Tip-More-than-My-Friend/519308016523155864.html2012-10-23T19:53:00Z2012-10-23T19:53:00Z<p>Hi, I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel…and my muscle car, Dodge Challenger. Nice huh? Red, two black stripes that go over the bumpers; very cool. I took her on her first ride all the way to the desert, all the way to Las Vegas to see “Jersey Boys” [begins singing] “Sherry…” Never mind. I can’t sing. Let’s just do your question instead:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>“My friends and I tip 20% in restaurants, and when the check comes we look at the bill, calculate (silently in our heads) what we ordered and tip accordingly. </em>[Ohh…you divvy up what you ordered?! Hmm…]<em> There is rarely a conversation about the tip amount unless of course there is a problem with the service or food, or if we were given extraordinary service.</em></p>
<p><em>I have a friend who leaves a maximum 15% as a tip. While I don't have a problem with the percentage she leaves, it makes for an awkward end to a meal when she’s out with us, because she gives no consideration to our tradition, and is always questioning our calculations.</em></p>
<p><em>I've considered not dining out with her again </em>[sighs]<em>, and will definitely avoid bringing her when I am with the 20% tippers. However, I would like Mother Laura's advice about the best way to approach her regarding this uncomfortable situation.”</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Pay the extra 5% and call it a day. Don’t make a deal of it. Not everybody has the same amount of money. They pay what they can; what they think is reasonable. If the 20% means something more to you, which it should if you had particularly good service, just cough up the little extra dough and smile and keep your friends. All right? Don’t make a big deal about a small thing…not good.</p>
<p>I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/3C4hfz5NVwk" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-10-23T19:53:00ZI'm Scared to Let Another Marriage FailStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Im-Scared-to-Let-Another-Marriage-Fail/752415977305138463.html2012-10-16T19:07:00Z2012-10-16T19:07:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer your questions. This one's from Todd:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I was married for 11 years, and my ex-wife and I have 2 wonderful kids. I am scared to death to let another marriage fail.</em></p>
<p><em>I was unhappy from day one. </em>[That's a great start.]<em> We had some great times, but all in all it was a very unhealthy marriage. When the time comes to start looking for a new relationship, I want that woman to be a companion and my best friend first -- things I was missing the first time.</em></p>
<p><em>I'm afraid that I'm going to settle for someone who makes me feel good but doesn't fit everything I need them to be, and another failure will be in my future.. I guess I'm a little gun-shy. Any suggestions for me as I start this new chapter in my life?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>[Dog barks in the background] (Okay, the children are playing.)</p>
<p>Here are my suggestions: #1, you said you were unhappy in the first place, so you didn't choose wisely. Perfect marriages come from 2 simple phrases - choose wisely, treat kindly. That's really all that's required, which means you make a choice in a person that you've spent a lot of time getting to know.</p>
<p>In your case "getting to feel good about yourself"...how about no sex for 9 months? It will give a gestation period for a friendship to actually be there where you two value each other on all sorts of levels and not get distracted by the [takes a deep breath] passion. So 9 months, no sex, doing things, seeing each other's families, talking about everything from money to kids, to sex to vacations and holidays, to dreams, to fears, to everything. How about you actually become good friends? </p>
<p>You'll always know if there's that attraction there but you're not going to act out on it except for hugging, kissing and putting your arm around her in the movie theater. So just make sure you're not in places where "things" could come to "things". And that way, I think you'll be able to make a better choice. </p>
<p>Now, a very important thing for me to add... <em>"I was married for 11 years, and my ex-wife and I have 2 wonderful kids."</em> So I'm assuming they're minors. None of this dating nonsense takes place while your kids are minors. Every bit of money, time, effort and emotion needs to be spent on these children who may be wonderful to you but they're destroyed inside their own lives. You have no moral standing for messing with them more. So please, until they're grown, up and out - nada. [Makes cutting motion to neck, meaning "None/nothing".] You can read <em>The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage</em> by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I heard it's a very useful book.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wMMFuvGZVlU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-10-16T19:07:00ZUse Hypnotherapy to Transform PainStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Use-Hypnotherapy-to-Transform-Pain/869345578417865585.html2012-10-10T18:10:00Z2012-10-10T18:10:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and this is our YouTube channel where I have the opportunity to answer some of your questions without you talking back to me. This is from Lidia:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"During my naval service 25 years ago, I was severely injured </em>[ooh]<em>, and shipped to the naval hospital for knee surgery and physical therapy (both of which were mishandled). There I spent a year alone </em>[ooh]<em> and in agonizing pain, and no one in my family bothered to visit. This had a lasting emotional effect -- but I thought long ago I'd come to grips with it.</em></p>
<p><em>Recently (at your urging) </em>[yeah I nag about this on my radio program]<em>, I joined a gym. But every time I went in to grapple with those same machines and smells I recognized from the naval hospital PT-gym, I began filling with RAGE. Employees there are so perky and cheery - but I could barely SPEAK to them. I hated it. I hated them. I hated my new, cute gym clothes. I felt positively FURIOUS.</em></p>
<p><em>At first, I just got angry when I arrived. Then, I started getting sullen HOURS before leaving work to go there. This wasn't mere laziness. I was filled with the kind of anger that made me want to STRIKE OUT at anyone near me. Finally I stopped going and I discovered that being filled with that kind of rage sickened me.</em></p>
<p><em>Now I'm paying $29.95 a month for the privilege of NOT going to the gym. And in a weird way, it's worth it! BUT beyond walking the dog, I'm not getting much exercise.</em><br /><em> </em><br /><em>Do you think this could be a kind of PTSD? I feel blindsided. Do you have any suggestions?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Yes, I wish I could do this with you in person, but I will pretend you are there, and hopefully you are watching this. Hypnotherapy (hypnosis) is a really good way to work through this. This isn't about your injuries, this isn't about your rehab - this is about you feeling abandoned and I think that's a pain that never goes away. So we've got to transform it into something else because it doesn't go away and that's what you're suffering from. This reminds you of just being left, not being cared about, nobody paying attention and I can't for the life of me... (I wish you had written more to me as to why that would be the case) but some people come from rotten families; what can I say? </p>
<p>This is what I would like you to do: I would like you to sit comfortably in a chair (I am going to do this with you here). You just sit comfortably in a chair. You've got to let your legs hang straight and your hands be on your knees [pats her knees] just like that. Let your shoulders drop [closes eyes] and it's sort of nice if you have some nice music in the background (I was not prepared for that so I don't have any), and you just relax. Then I've got to ask you to do something really terrible. I've got to ask you to, in your mind's eye, go back to the time you were in rehab and you kept watching other people get visited, and you kept looking at the door and you kept hoping somebody was going to come through it. I want you to get back to that really terrible, miserable, horrible feeling.</p>
<p>You've got to take some time sometimes to get there because you're going to resist it. [Keeps eyes closed]. Once you get there, I just want you to feel it, just let it consume you, let it make you angry because anger is really how you're coating pain. It's like a kitty cat: it gets scared [makes a squeaking sound] and what does it do? [Acts like she has claws]. And that's where the rage comes from - it's a response and a defense against feeling really scared. And you had to be scared on top of hurt.</p>
<p>OK, open your eyes [opens eyes], just shake your body around, just get loose again. Calm down, let your blood pressure go down. OK, now you're going to close your eyes again [closes eyes], and you're going to imagine being in the hospital, doing the rehab, and now you're going to remember something nice that happened. Maybe somebody visiting, or somebody else came up to you and said something supportive. Just go back to that time and pluck out of it. Maybe it was a physical therapist who was really nice, understanding, supportive, made you feel a little more comfortable and a little less worried. So go back and picture that and stay there for a bit. [Deep in thought, keeps eyes closed]. </p>
<p>OK, so I want you to open your eyes and shake yourself about. And here are the two places: you realize when you were in the angry place you weren't thinking of anything sweet, and when you were in the sweet place, you weren't thinking of anything angry. You can't be in two emotional places at the same time. It is not physically or psychologically possible, but you can take yourself from one place to the other. You just proved that to yourself.</p>
<p>So this is what I want you to do: I want you to anticipate going to the gym and let that ugly feeling come up, and I want you at your desk at work to just close your eyes for a moment, put your hands on your quadriceps and let your body relax. And I want you to go back to the physical therapy with the machines when something nice happened. Just go there. If you have to do that a few times before you go to the gym - fine. If after you go to the gym you start getting into that place again, all you have to do is allow yourself to do this right at the gym. You don't even have to leave - just hold on to something so you don't fall over or just find a place to sit, and I want you to keep bringing yourself back to that place.</p>
<p>Now, this is going to help you face what you need to do now to get physically fit. It's also going to help you realize that you have control over the emotions. What it's not going to do is fix that hurt. So here's how we do something more that fixes the hurt (so this is part three or four...I lost all my parts by now). When you're at the gym, look around for somebody having a hard time and go help them. Become that pleasant experience that you had for somebody else. It's amazing how when we are in the hurt and "what I didn't get" and "what I didn't get" place, that when we are solicitous to somebody else, how we come out of that ugly place. That's what I think you ought to do, and I appreciate that you asked me the question. Now follow through or I'll come to your house and pinch your head off!</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time. </p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5LmOz7O-_-k" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-10-10T18:10:00ZMom Blames Me for Her ProblemsStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Mom-Blames-Me-for-Her-Problems/742282394161815841.html2012-10-02T07:00:00Z2012-10-02T07:00:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura here and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer questions like this one from Trisha:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"<em>When I was growing up, my mom drank every night, cursed a lot, blamed me and the world for her problems </em>[well that's what drunks do], <em>and picked at me about things I was ashamed of.</em></p>
<p><em>Fast-forward to now: she doesn't drink, but she still feels the same</em> [let me just take a second out to say because someone is not drinking alcohol does not mean their personality has improved or they have matured]. <em>She talks about people making fun of her. She believes I participate in making her life miserable. I have my own life to live and problems to deal with.</em></p>
<p><em>My mom is a troublemaker and I feel that when she dies, I will finally be free. I love her and I don't mind looking after her because she is my parent, but she adds a lot of stress to my life. I'm scared I might take the anger out on someone that I care about, even though I don't have any kids yet. I have anger issues because of the way I was treated, and I can't help that I feel this way. What can I do?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I wrote a book called <em>Bad Childhood - Good Life </em>which is in paperback, so it's very inexpensive. You ought to read that because this is just the sort of issue that I talk about in there. I appreciate that you call her a parent and not a mom; she's not a mom, and it sounds to me like she has some psychiatric issues that probably need attention, and in terms of your anger, it sounds like you have tried to turn some of it into compassion by taking care of her but you are wearing thin with the constant abuse.</p>
<p>At some point, you might have to decide that you're not going to participate in the caretaking and that you are going to get on with your life. But please read <em>Bad Childhood - Good Life</em> and then call my show, 1-800-DR-LAURA. And after you read the book, let's talk about how much further along in your transition you are.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oruuDuZ2yE0" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-10-02T07:00:00ZHelp Me Get Back My Happy ManStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Help-Me-Get-Back-My-Happy-Man/-516110982233082680.html2012-09-25T21:17:00Z2012-09-25T21:17:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura here, and welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer questions like this one from Maribel:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My husband's position in a public school system has been eliminated due to severe budget cuts. </em>[That's happening everywhere, isn't it?]<em> On a positive note, due to his union, he has 'bumping rights' to a different position with the same benefits at a lesser pay of 5 percent. Although he still gets paid very well, he is not a happy camper. He finds it humiliating and demeaning.</em></p>
<p><em>Dr. Laura, I know you can't make someone else happy and that it comes from ABOVE and WITHIN, but is there some way I can help him realize how blessed he/we are? Help me to help get back the man I married who seemed happy then."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>OK. First thing you need to do is to say to him, "That is a bummer. That is a crummy feeling. 5 percent, 50 percent - it doesn't matter. That's a real downer. You've worked hard, you deserve more, and it's just a shame that the economy is going the way it is and that you can't get what you deserve. And I've got to tell you, I am so proud of you, that even with this annoyance, you are rising to the occasion, being a man, and taking care of your family. As a matter of fact, it makes me more horny about you." I think that would work.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/S5RKew0PKNU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-09-25T21:17:00ZMy Adult Son is Unwilling to Work!Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Adult-Son-is-Unwilling-to-Work!/345884961994988292.html2012-09-18T17:55:00Z2012-09-18T17:55:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to nag you (almost in person). I have your emails:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My 23 year old son graduated a year ago from college and now is unwilling to get a job! </em>[Really?!]<em> He did get a grocery clerk job for a short time and lived on that plus money I had given him for school that he squandered. Now it's a year later, jobs are out there, and all his friends have moved on to grad school, law school, or other careers.</em></p>
<p><em>He likes to sit and read or play chess the day away. He's now tapping into the last of his savings to cover his living expenses and tells me a new story about what he plans to do 'soon'. I think he's become used to having an unorganized day to himself. My husband is saying he should move back home.</em> [What?!! No, no, no.] <em>YIKES! What should I do?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>The first thing you should do is say, "What?! No, no, no, no." And stop giving him money. You know, we have prolonged adolescence to what, 23 years of age? Back in the day, people barely finished school when they were already apprenticing for something. And your son is just apprenticing for being a non-rich ne'er-do-well. </p>
<p>So my advice to you is that you tell him you love him and you'll have him for chicken dinner on Sundays, but his life is up to him right now. And I don't know what your husband's deal is, but sometimes when there are problems in a marriage, one spouse likes to bring a kid back home because then they can focus on the kid and they don't have to focus on each other. That's just one thing that comes off the top of my head because it's unusual for "Dad" to want to rescue kids. </p>
<p>It's usual for "Mom" to do that because you know, they suckled at our breasts after they were born so we feel we have to do that for the rest of our lives. But we don't, we shouldn't and he's taking advantage of all your good will and he's not taking advantage of his capabilities. And you have to let him sink, sink, sink, sink. Sundays = chicken dinner. Other than that [makes a cutting motion with her hand], that's it. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NX9j0Bag0Fo" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-09-18T17:55:00ZShould I Trust My Spouse?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-I-Trust-My-Spouse/-338081160108812584.html2012-09-12T18:46:00Z2012-09-12T18:46:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and this is our YouTube channel. We have a letter here from Martin that I will answer:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"Five years ago, we started taking tae kwon do as a family from a local instructor. About two years into the program, the instructor and my wife began spending more time together and eventually it turned into an affair due to me not meeting her emotional needs.</em></p>
<p><em>We went to marriage counseling and proceeded to work on our relationship. We take things day by day, but my wife, who is a first-degree black belt now, is working on her second-degree black belt [Laughs] and wants to resume taking classes from her former lover. [I don't think she's taking the therapy very seriously.]</em></p>
<p><em>I told her I would prefer she go to a different school and she feels that I'm controlling and not being supportive.</em></p>
<p><em>She says there is nothing going on now. Should I trust her to go back to his class or should I report him to his tae kwon do federation about the affair?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Well I don't know that the tae kwon do federation cares a wit...I'm not sure that'll be an issue for them. But I think your marriage is still in serious, deep trouble if your wife is still willing to flaunt continuing in this way. [I'm trying to keep this "G-rated."]</p>
<p>You're not being controlling; she's not being supportive. This is a very bitchy, hostile, cruel thing to do and she knows it. She doesn't mind that she's hurting you. How can you think you're going to have a happy marriage with a woman who doesn't mind that she's hurting you? I mean, really. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. By the way, as a first-degree black belt, I figure it's black no matter how many degrees of black. I tried to do second-degree black belt...one of the things I had to do was run up a wall, push off the wall with one foot, kick a bag and land. That's when I decided first degree was perfect.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Qf9-KuvlyZU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-09-12T18:46:00ZKeeping a 'Harmonious' Blended FamilyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Keeping-a-Harmonious-Blended-Family/-774420692600689176.html2012-09-04T19:30:00Z2012-09-04T19:30:00Z<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. Our letter today is from Tammy:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I totally agree and understand your stance on NOT getting remarried after getting a divorce with minor children because I am LIVING it! It's so hard when you and your husband each have kids and you try to mesh your parenting skills (that you learned with SOMEONE ELSE)! It's like oil and water!!</em></p>
<p><em>However, we are already married, want to stay married, and I would like some advice on how to keep a more 'harmonious' blended family. Is there any way to do it once you've already taken that step?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>It's difficult. It's unusual it works out well, but I guess it is possible if everybody is motivated and the kids are responding remarkably well to the divorce, you being remarried, and competing with somebody else's kids. I mean there are so many other factors against this working out.</p>
<p>Here's what I would recommend: every Monday after dinner, get your desserts (your tea and coffee and cocoa), and have the entire family sit and talk together about how it's going. And everybody gets a chance, no matter how young or how old. Everybody gets a chance at the table to say their piece, and the rule has to be that there is no anger afterwards. You're not allowed to say, "I can't believe you said that." Everybody's got to be able to say their piece and have it be accepted graciously and worked out.</p>
<p>If somebody's saying, "Well, you know when I did 'that' and your kid did 'that,' 'this' happened and I didn't think that was fair." Let's all talk it out, with that other child also. You'd be surprised what can happen if everybody's open about it. It's the seething. I mean, what makes the tea kettle make the noise? It's the pressure building up. [Makes a high-pitched whistling noise.] Don't let it get to that point. Let everybody air out on Mondays. Why Monday? I don't know, I just picked it - you can have any day you want.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on YouTube.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/al-Z0Pz66Ro" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-09-04T19:30:00ZTaken for GrantedStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Taken-for-Granted/129499794816857990.html2012-08-28T17:15:00Z2012-08-28T17:15:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. This is a heavy one from Naomi:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"I've taken it upon myself since day one of my relationship to do everything for my boyfriend, and now have found that I've put myself into a bad position, because I'm being taken for granted and it's assumed that I should continue to do all that I do for him. I don't get anything in return. Can you address those of us who 'over-do' for others because we care, but yet get nothing in return?"</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>You're not overdoing it because you care; that's not why it's happening. You're over doing it because, I don't know, maybe your parents were drunks so you're used to being the caretaker. Hoping that if you do enough to take care of your parents, maybe they will be nice and take care of you. Maybe they're not drunks, maybe they're just self-involved and have two careers going on and got divorced, remarried, divorced, remarried. </p>
<p>Anyway, you're so used to having to do for, that you've turned it into, instead of the anger that you weren't take care of, you turn it into, "I care; that's why I'm doing this." No. You're the one in power, you're the one in control, you're the one martyred, you're the one still trying to get love in - as they say - all the wrong places.</p>
<p>So, the smartest thing you can do for yourself, is be uncomfortable. How can you do that? I'm telling people to be uncomfortable? That's awful! What you need to do is find a guy who demands to give. He demands to give to you. He wants to put his jacket down so when you walk over a puddle you're on top of his jacket. He wants to sacrifice for you. That's going to be very uncomfortable because you don't perceive yourself or identify yourself at all as the person to be loved and taken care of.</p>
<p>So, until you are willing to make yourself uncomfortable, dump this dude and find a really nice one, nothing is going to change. You have to go on faith that you are loveable.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing!</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/GdhH4QvbTzU" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-08-28T17:15:00ZShould His Girlfriend Be in the Funeral?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Should-His-Girlfriend-Be-in-the-Funeral/918687669139632678.html2012-08-21T22:17:00Z2012-08-21T22:17:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, ready to answer another YouTube question for you. This one is very heartbreaking, from Eva:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>My nephew died recently in an accident after celebrating his 28th birthday with his friends and girlfriend. She was there when he fell 70 feet to his death. My sister (his mother), was not notified until the next morning by the girl's dad and has since been in a daze. I have never seen my sister act this way. </em>[Wow, to lose your kid...] <em>On top of all our pain and dealing with all the details of the funeral, this girlfriend's parents have been insistent that we include their daughter's feelings, pictures and opinions at the funeral. Mind you, we only met her once or twice.</em></p>
<p><em>I'm the aunt who will be putting the slideshow together and am very bothered that my sister is so out of it that she would consider putting this girl's picture in the slides when no other family members but the main core are included, because we decided to keep it short in church. I don't mind putting a slideshow of his life up, including her, for the gathering afterwards.</em></p>
<p><em>What is the right thing to do? Do these people override the rest of the family who loved and supported him throughout the years?</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>He loved her. She has lost the love of her life. This is a major agony for this young woman, as it is for the family. She saw her future with him. She's in a lot of pain and she meant something to him, so to honor him I can't see how you would not include her. <br /> <br />I realize that you feel a little protective and territorial. And even though you only met her once or twice, they were something important to each other and we have to acknowledge her pain and her loss even though she did not know him since the day he was born. </p>
<p>So while I do appreciate your point of view in sort of being very protective, watching your sister suffer so much... But I think having the young woman whom her son loved there in picture and in person will mean something important. So yeah, I don't think you're doing the right thing. Include the pictures. I'm really sorry for your family. I've got a son, 26; I can't imagine that kind of pain.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nC_wfCxZM6c" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-08-21T22:17:00ZMy Wife Favors Her Family Over MineStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Wife-Favors-Her-Family-Over-Mine/42403955878729450.html2012-08-14T17:04:00Z2012-08-14T17:04:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura here answering your questions, and this one is from Bart:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>I've been married for 15 years and we have five kids. I come from a family of eight children and my wife from a family of 10 children. Several months ago, my mother called and asked if we would start get-togethers for my siblings at our home and then assign months to other siblings. My wife said, "No, no one will come. I don't want to do it." So we didn't.</em></p>
<p><em>Last night, her mother called her and asked if we would be willing to do the same thing for <strong>her</strong> family. Now my wife thinks it's a good idea because her family wants to do it! I put my foot down and said, "No, I won't do it."</em></p>
<p><em>Am I being unreasonable? At times, she seems to favor her own family over me and mine.</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>You may not have understood what she said. She said no one will come. I think you missed the important part. You only got the "I don't want to do it." You seem to have missed the "No, no one will come." That's a little hint to me that she feels like your family maybe doesn't embrace her. That's the part you should be talking about.</p>
<p>Let me say this to you guy: if your wife is now willing to do all of the above, you don't have an argument about this, you go along with it. You haven't taken "how to be a husband" lessons yet?</p>
<p>Anyway, you need to go back to her and talk to her about how she feels your family is not as embracing of her as maybe she would like to feel more comfortable. You are missing the main point and you're just getting defensive and that gets a man a lot less sex...just a little hint.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="My Wife Favors Her Family Over Mine" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XXv4gnnmNyw" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-08-14T17:04:00ZDissing the Marriage CovenantStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Dissing-the-Marriage-Covenant/37053479767594213.html2012-08-07T16:24:00Z2012-08-07T16:24:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcoming you to our YouTube channel and I answer your questions about the things going on in your life, your mind and your heart. This one is from Camilla:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>I come from a family that believes very strongly in family. My dad is one of 5 and my mom has one sister. All in all, I have many aunts and uncles, all of whom are still happily together with their first spouse.</em> [I'm going to put you all in the Smithsonian.]</p>
<p><em>I have an older brother who has been in a relationship with a lady for at least 5 years. They have a child and I have to say they are great parents.</em></p>
<p><em>The only problem I have is that I got married in 2008 to the most amazing person I have ever known and since then, my brother calls his girlfriend "My wife" and his girlfriend refers to him as "My husband". Every time they say this it makes my whole body want to explode. I feel like they are belittling the covenant that I made to my husband.</em> [And you're absolutely right about that.]</p>
<p><em>Am I crazy?</em> [Um, that's not an indication of insanity.] <em>How can I nicely say that it bothers me without upsetting them and cutting all ties?</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>[Laughs] I have the answer! Each and every time they say that, that you go, "Oh my gosh! Did you get married last weekend and I wasn't invited?! I have to get you a present!" </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="I'm Tired of My Sons' Bickering" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-RTvlP7pxX8" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br /></p>Staff2012-08-07T16:24:00ZI'm Tired of My Sons' BickeringStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Im-Tired-of-My-Sons-Bickering/-789773927399631822.html2012-08-02T07:00:00Z2012-08-02T07:00:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to this beautiful scenery, here at our YouTube channel. Got a letter from Tiffany:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>"My two boys, 14 & 16 have a horrible habit of talking down to each other. </em>[(That's kind of boy-speak.)]<em> The younger one continues to state he hates his brother, and has been saying this ever since he was four years old.</em><br /><br /><em>The younger one is more cerebral, the older is more physical. How do I address their negative behavior toward one another? It's just no fun being around them, especially when we're all playing a family game together."</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Here's the rule: you can't hear it, not hear about it. You don't want either one of them complaining about the other, but you never want to "hear" it. Because whoever fires the first shot, they both are in their rooms for the weekend (or something else you think is horrible that would drive them crazy). </p>
<p><em>"So the only rule around this house now is, when we're all together eating, doing family stuff - don't want to hear any of that. If I hear any of that, immediately, I don't care who started it, who finished it, who said something worse, who said something not so worse...that's it. The two of you are terminated for the weekend or you can't go to that party."</em> Whatever it is, they both have to experience it. Now do you realize what that does? Right now, they're like this [holds up one finger on each hand and makes a motion to fight with each other and makes a bickering noise]. Telling them that if either one of them does [makes bickering noise again], that the two of them become one together and miss out on something is going to make them think as a couple. <em>"'We' get screwed, so 'we' can't do that in front of them."</em> It's going to change everything immediately because they then become the team against you guys.</p>
<p>So all you do is, you're playing a game, you're having a dinner [makes bickering noise], "Okay. The two of you are terminated for the weekend." That's it and then you go on with dinner. And then you say, "Oh, do I hear arguing? That'll be a second weekend if the arguing doesn't stop in 10 seconds. 9...8...7..." Little closed mouths. So it really requires you to be terse, clear and follow-through. You'll see an immediate change. Trust me on this one, it works like that [snaps fingers].</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><iframe alt="I'm Tired of My Sons' Bickering" width="560" frameborder="0" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tyWZjKeKDdM" height="349"></iframe> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-08-02T07:00:00ZMy Friends Aren't Choosing Wisely in HusbandsStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Friends-Arent-Choosing-Wisely-in-Husbands/795730478629428672.html2012-04-11T16:21:00Z2012-04-11T16:21:00Z<p>Dr. Laura Schlessinger here and welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions without you nagging back at me [Laughs and smiles]. Susie writes:</p>
<p><em>"I am 27 years old; many friends are getting married. Sometimes I feel impatient about this because some of my friends are marrying guys who clearly are not right for them, and I want to know when <strong>I'll </strong>meet the right guy. I was engaged about two years ago, but I broke it off because my ex-fiancé's relationship with his family was creepy, and his mother seemed to control him.</em> [(Oh, you were smart to avoid that!]) <em>I do date a decent amount. How do I deal with my impatience that I have not met the right guy yet? And how do I try to feel more positive about my friends' clearly stupid choices in mates?"</em></p>
<p>Well I don't want you to be positive about your friends' stupid choices in mates because if you're going to be a friend, you've got to be the one to say, "You know what? I'm feeling impatient, I have a sense you're feeling impatient and you're jumping into the wrong pond because of your impatience and these are the things that are going to make you miserable in 3, 4, 5, 6 years. And meanwhile you'll have 4 kids and then you'll be calling Dr. Laura going, 'I don't know. I don't think I saw these things beforehand.'" Yes you did.</p>
<p>There's not much you can do about your friends except not to copy them. And if I were 27 and looking to get married, I'd be talking to respectful, responsible, older friends of mine and family, lawyer types, physician types, whoever...you know, professional people who know other people to do an introduction. A lot of people are negative about arranged marriages but what happens is you get two families who really do get along and know their offspring, and know the qualities they need to have toward them and that they have to give and go about bringing them together. </p>
<p>So there's something to be said for you asking people who know you and the gentleman, to bring you together. Some of the background is already done for you. Anyway, stand up at your friends' weddings and when they say, "Does anybody here have any reason these two should not be brought together?" [Raises her hand] "Yeah! Yeah, I do!" I mean you won't have many of these friends left but at least you'll be doing the proper thing for them.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, here on YouTube, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://youtu.be/r40PkBk7YD4" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border: 0px;" src="/images/blog/all_the_wrong_husbands2_350p.jpg" alt="My Friends Aren't Choosing Wisely in Husbands" width="350" height="193" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-04-11T16:21:00ZSaying 'No' to Your Husband's AdvancesStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Saying-No-to-Your-Husbands-Advances/-872051302709341180.html2012-04-03T21:38:00Z2012-04-03T21:38:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. Today's question is from Ashley:</p>
<p><em>"I've heard you counsel married women to not turn away their husbands when they want to have sex with them. I've never been married so I'm soaking up all I can to help me when I do marry. Is it absolutely NEVER okay to say no to your husband - even when you're sick?</em> [Gives a "sigh" and disappointed look.] <em>Not being there yet, I'm curious what "tips" you can give all women for overcoming not feeling well to go forward and still have sex with their husbands."</em></p>
<p>Let's just say that if you're needing Kaopectate or an IV...come on, that's just silly. If you're husband is saying, "Hey baby, I want to pump you", when you're sick, you've married a jerk. We're talking about when you're feeling irritated or "I'm annoyed", or "I'm just too tired today", and turning away your man when...this is the measure that men have of how much we love them whether we're willing to accept them (literally) into our bodies, whether we're willing to open up to them; this is how men register that their woman loves them. </p>
<p>It's not just "getting off" - he can do that without you, all by himself with his thoughts, with his memories, with a computer, with a magazine...he can do that without you. He's wanting to make love to you. To turn that down is a blatant rejection. If you've got a fever of 104 and he's not taking you to the emergency room but he wants to get you from behind, I think you married the wrong guy. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=h-RAmOduAiA" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border-width: 0px;" src="/images/blog/sick_love_350p.jpg" alt="Saying 'No' to Your Husband's Advances" width="350" height="197" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-04-03T21:38:00ZMy Daughter is Dating a Guy 21 Years her SeniorStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Daughter-is-Dating-a-Guy-21-Years-her-Senior/-223719405637649398.html2012-02-21T23:37:00Z2012-02-21T23:37:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube and the nice view. Jared wrote:</p>
<p><em>"Should I have a conversation with my 29 year old daughter regarding her relationship with a 50 year old man? [I'm sorry I was sort of stunned there.] I've actually expected her to bring it up. Do you have pros and cons to help me give her some fatherly advice regarding the challenges if she asks for it?"</em></p>
<p>No, I think you should go talk to the 50-year-old guy. I know she's an adult, I got that, but I think you need to man-to-man with the 50 year old guy and say, "My daughter didn't ask me to be here; I didn't tell her I was coming here. I'm here, man-to-man. Go get a woman your own age. Don't be messing around with my daughter. She needs to be with someone her own age so they can grow together, and grow old together and have challenges together. You just want a cute, hard body who adores you because, quite frankly, at 20 something, she doesn't know better. So, I'm counting on you, man-to-man to do the right thing and to leave my daughter alone."</p>
<p>In the old days, that's how this situation would have been handled. I like the old days. There are so many things about the old days that really worked. There was no date rape in the old days because girls didn't go out with some guy, get drunk, get naked and go to his place...(I'm sorry) get drunk, go to his place, get naked and then go, "Oops!"</p>
<p>In the old days with young people, the guy had to talk to the father, everybody knew who everybody was, they went to places that were public, girls didn't get drunk because that was unseemly behavior and you would get in trouble. I mean think about it, the old days had morals, values, principles and ethics and basically those were prophylactic. They kept you from getting in trouble. </p>
<p>And part of the old days was dad would go take care of this. So, don't punch him out, just sit down with him and say, "Be a man. A real man does not do this to a young woman."</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time on our You Tube channel, go do the right thing!</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura#p/u/0/WtxPpFf12kg" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border-width: 0px;" src="/images/blog/daughter_dating_21_350p.jpg" alt="My Daughter is Dating a Guy 21 Years her Senior" width="350" height="193" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-02-21T23:37:00ZBaby Shower for 'Shack-Up' HoneyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Baby-Shower-for-Shack-Up-Honey/126773494068199518.html2012-02-14T22:46:00Z2012-02-14T22:46:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. I am hearing today from Priscilla:</p>
<p><em>"Recently, my husband's best friend knocked up his 'shack-up honey' after dating her for three months. This is his first child, her third and all her kids have different dads. A few people are throwing a baby shower for the girlfriend. I refuse to go and don't want to even give them a gift since this does not seem like a 'joyous arrival' to be celebrating under these circumstances. I am being criticized for my stance from several others and even from my husband. [Now that's the worrisome part.] How should I handle their negative remarks? Or am I in the wrong, and I should give a gift at the baby shower?"</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">1. You shouldn't go.<br />2. You're exactly right.<br />3. One of the reasons this bimbo gets away with cranking out babies with different dads is because everybody's going, "Isn't this cute? We have to support it." <br />4. Is this in the best interest of any one of the kids?</p>
<p>I mean, your husband's best friend isn't even marrying here, just knocked her up and now they're having a shower. Like this is a celebration? <strong><em>This hurts children! This destroys children's lives.</em></strong> So the answer to the question of why you don't want to celebrate: "Because this is the 3rd child with no substantial, committed home around her to embrace her heart." </p>
<p>And your husband is worrisome. You have him listen to this; you have him watch this:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;">Dear husband, is it that important to play golf or go drinking and play poker with your buddy that you would uphold and support this total lack of compassion for the needs of children? Is it really? I mean, you're married, you have a covenant, and you are protecting your wife and kids. If you've got a best friend that's a bum...we are known by our friends.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time on our YouTube channel [waves at camera], go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura#p/u/0/9rXzjcUkk20" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border-width: 0px;" src="/images/blog/babyshower_shackup_350p.jpg" alt="Baby Shower for Shack-Up Honey" width="350" height="193" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-02-14T22:46:00ZHelping With His 'Honey-Do' ListStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Helping-With-His-Honey-Do-List/236869033604717006.html2012-02-07T18:53:00Z2012-02-07T18:53:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel. We have a question from Nichelle:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"My husband is going on vacation for 2 weeks </em>[Without you? Okay.] <em>and, as a surprise for him while he's gone, I'm planning on having some work done to our home...fix the floor, remodel, trim the trees and bushes, etc. I was going to have family help with these things to keep costs down. I have previously mentioned the things to him that I plan to do. He works long hours 6 days a week so I can stay home with our 14 month old baby. I love him and appreciate his hard work and thought this would be a nice way to help him out with things that he doesn't have time for. Do you think that this is a good idea?"</em></p>
<p>No. I think it's going to...even though he doesn't have time and these things do need to be done...I worry that it's going to leave him with the feeling of not being needed, of being a failure, of not having followed through for you and of not being able to do 16 things at one time. I don't think so, if...no...no [Laughs]. I don't know how else to say "No." </p>
<p>Now if you know he has a hobby but doesn't have the time to put together the wherewithal to do this hobby...like nuts and bolts, screws and hammers, and saws and drill presses and what-have-you that guys like to play with. Whatever these things are, you might want to set up a little hobby area for him. You can remodel that so that he gets rewarded for his hard work, he can come home and fiddle...whatever it is that he likes to fiddle with. Maybe its paint, so you get paints and an easel and some class for 6 weeks. </p>
<p>I think you should set up something for his R&R but I don't think that you should do the things that really he knew he should be doing because I think it's going to make him feel bad. I wouldn't take the risk. Do the hobby thing. I think that's guaranteed.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time, right here, go do the right thing.</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura#p/u/0/Nn7cipZREeM" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border-width: 0px;" src="/images/blog/helping_honey_350p.jpg" alt="Helping With His Honey-Do List" width="350" height="193" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-02-07T18:53:00ZExcluded at the OfficeStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Excluded-at-the-Office/919004960649851433.html2012-01-31T20:31:00Z2012-01-31T20:31:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and welcome to our YouTube channel. Today, Jessica asks the following question:</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>"Without jeopardizing my own career, how do I deal with my supervisor's '6th grade relationship' antics (like excluding some people and favoring others) that have gone on for 10 years? The only time I get spoken to is when the supervisor wants something from me. Otherwise, I am excluded from coffee breaks, dinners, and the most hurtful was not being invited to the supervisor's daughter's wedding when several other folks in the office received invites.</em></p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em>It's late in my career and finding another job at this juncture is not an option I want to entertain. I informed my senior management about this situation some years ago, but nothing was done. I need strategies to withstand the pressures I encounter working with these people on a daily basis. Can you help?"</em></p>
<p>Yeah, this is called a job. If you can be friendly with some or all of the people at work, that's really nice. But, you have your friends, you have your family, you have your dearly most beloved and you have a supervisor. I don't see any reason why the supervisor's daughter should invite you to the wedding. You're not a close family friend. Why would they want to pay for a chicken dinner for you? </p>
<p>I think you are looking for friendship in all the wrong places. People come together because of an affinity. You can't force it, you can't demand it. You can take coffee breaks with anybody you want. You can invite anybody you want to dinner, but you can't have the expectation that everybody is supposed to want you as that kind of friend. If you have worked there for 10 years, you must be a good worker. You've retained your job. You are respected for what you do as an employee, that's what you are.</p>
<p><em>"I informed senior management."</em> You know, I might have asked you to see a counselor if I was senior management and you came to me about this. I would be thinking, "Whoa, what she's demanding out of this situation is inappropriate." If people don't feel close, they don't feel close. At least everyone is treating you nice at work. </p>
<p>So, <em>"6th grade relationships?"</em> Have your relationships elsewhere. This is work. Everybody is nice and polite; that's all you can ask for. </p>
<p><em>"Pressures."</em> The only pressure is from you demanding that you be seen as a certain something you are not. You don't like everybody. </p>
<p><em>"Several other folks in the office received." </em> Well, that means they were friendly with those, but not others. This isn't 6th grade where you have to invite everybody in the class. You invite who you want.</p>
<p>So, if your supervisor doesn't feel like a close friend with you, so be it! As long as your supervisor is professional, that's the only thing you should be expecting.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing!</p>
<p>Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura#p/u/0/bJDgJkwkTOg" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border-width: 0px;" src="/images/blog/excluded_at_office_350p.jpg" alt="Excluded at the Office" width="350" height="193" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-01-31T20:31:00ZResentful of My Couch Potato HusbandStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Resentful-of-My-Couch-Potato-Husband/249826208330584514.html2012-01-24T20:50:00Z2012-01-24T20:50:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. Janice wrote:</p>
<p><em>"I'm beginning to feel hopeless about not being a good mother. I was always a pushy mom, trying to teach my kids to be independent, while their father was and is a couch potato. [(Laughs) Sorry.] Now that they are teenagers, I resent that my husband never provided me any support. I feel that we would be better off separated. How can I put a stop to this feeling of resentment?"</em></p>
<p>You have to change it into something else. I don't know that you haven't been a good mother; I know you're frustrated that you've sort of being doing everything by yourself. And when kids get to a certain age they tend to play parents against each other and yours isn't helping you out much...your husband isn't helping you out much, being their parent.</p>
<p>The fact that your husband is a couch potato...sorry. But I guess when you were off picking guys you just wanted somebody laid back who wasn't going to give you a lot of guff, and this is what happens when you choose one of those. You go down the left road, you're not going to get anything that's on the right road. On the other hand, he's not beating anybody, he's not sitting there drunk and he's not out screwing around. </p>
<p>Your kids are better off having a couch potato dad than no dad at home at all, and that's the reality. And he may not be a very invested member of the family, but he's there and he's taken care of all of you. So, I think it's one of those times where you go, "It's not exactly what I would've wished for, but it is what I chose and there are good things to it."</p>
<p>The best way to get out of resentment that I know, is to try to think of the parts that you would miss. Try to think of the gentle moments and the fact that you can really count on him. So it's those things that take you out of resentment. It's not everything you wanted, but don't assume you're not being a good mother...yeah, maybe a little naggy, pushy, trying to make sure, you know, the kids make something of themselves but don't make that an overreaction to your husband. Something in between you and him is probably the perfect person [Laughs].</p>
<p>So make sure that if you're nagging your kids a lot, they're getting more than an equal amount of love and kisses, and being told how wonderful they are and how proud you are of them, and find things to compliment them. That's going to be very important to counter-balance anything else and do not say, "Do not come to be like your dad", because they love their dad and it's good to be able to be a couch potato, I don't know, 45 minutes a day...can't just don't do it in overdrive. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time here on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.<br /><br />Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/drlaura?feature=mhee#p/u/0/oEKQn1fQFhc" target="_blank"><img style="margin: 5px auto; display: block; border: 0px;" src="/images/blog/couch_potato_husband_350p.jpg" alt="Resentful of My Couch Potato Husband" width="350" height="193" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-01-24T20:50:00ZDefending Against a BullyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Defending-Against-a-Bully/-29267743537907156.html2012-01-17T20:38:00Z2012-01-17T20:38:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube Channel. Elizabeth has written us:</p>
<p><em>"As a parent and a teacher (currently a stay-at-home-mom), how do I explain to a child when and how they should defend themselves when they are being harassed or physically hurt by another child? When I was teaching, there were several incidents in which a child trying to defend himself got in trouble (and the bully did too). How is that possibly fair? I just want to do the right thing and need your help."</em></p>
<p>I worry about the demasculinization of the males in our society on so many levels: the feminist movement, calling everything masculine somehow sick and horrible and beneath what is really human and wonderful, and the schools which consider defending one's self or someone else the wrong thing to do and punishable. But, whether you are male or female, that is really a stupid consideration and this is what I tell parents: I don't care what the school rule is, you tell your children and you teach them how to do it; you put them in a class where they can learn to fight and protect themselves. </p>
<p>The first thing they learn is how to avoid it. If you can't avoid it, take care of it quickly. So, you tell them, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never harm me." If someone calls you a name, you tell your kid just laugh in their face and walk away. Somebody lays a hand on your kid or someone else's kid, you tell your kid, they started it, you finish it and I'm going to teach you how to finish it. And, don't worry about getting in trouble at school, our attorney will take care of that. </p>
<p>There is no place in this land where you are not permitted self defense except in public schools and I don't think that's the training ground to teach people not to protect themselves and not to protect other people. I think that's counter to everything that is American. So, my boy came home once from middle school and said, "I got in trouble at school. I was in a fight." I said, "Who started it?" He said, "This one boy hit this other boy." I said, "Well, who finished it?" He said, "Well, I kind of did." I gave him a high five and took him out to dinner. My husband went and dealt with the school (I think he was afraid to send me. I don't know why.).</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time on YouTube, go do the right thing!<br /><br />Watch:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/drlaura?feature=mhee#p/u/1/kRKckY96mN8" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/defending_against_350p.jpg" alt="Defending Against a Bully" width="350" height="197" /></a> <br /><br />Or watch other videos at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura" target="_blank">youtube.com/DrLaura</a></p>Staff2012-01-17T20:38:00ZDisappointed With My DateStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Disappointed-With-My-Date/871379914108400015.html2012-01-11T21:03:00Z2012-01-11T21:03:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to our YouTube channel, where I get to answer Abigail's question. (When you think of Abigail, you think of somebody wearing lace...any way):</p>
<p><em>"I'm a woman in my mid-40's, just returning to dating after 12 years of not dating. I'm currently in a relationship 7 months old. When is it okay to express disappointment - or is it ever okay?"</em></p>
<p>What?! [Laughs] It's called "communication"; it's called "being open". "I really like the peanut butter. I really don't like the jelly on it, but thank you so much for making me the sandwich." </p>
<p>Before it turns into disappointment and anger, and frustration and worse (although I can't imagine what "worse" is), you always have to be able to communicate. "Gee, I was a little disappointed that you didn't call after being gone for 6 weeks." "Gee, I was a little disappointed..." And you see what they have to say. If they look like "Pfft, well I don't care", then [makes a cutting at the neck motion with hand] the relationship's terminated. If they go, "Gosh, I didn't realize that was important to you", then that's a person you can work with.</p>
<p>So all the emotions, not just the disappointment...your pleasure, your disappointment, your unhappiness, your choices, things you value...I mean, these are all the things you have to commune about or how are you really building a relationship? Otherwise it's just that "you're cute, I'm horny". Which, you know, is okay but doesn't take you over the long haul of life.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/drlaura#p/u/1/oDQRkZ_Tt1A" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/disappointed_date_350a.jpg" alt="Disappointed With My Date" width="350" height="197" /></a> </p>Staff2012-01-11T21:03:00ZGrandma Can You Babysit Again?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Grandma-Can-You-Babysit-Again/-709993657349659472.html2011-02-14T08:00:00Z2011-02-14T08:00:00Z<p>[Dogs playing and wrestling] All righty then. Talk about the original odd couple. [Laughs] Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger with Butch and Bebe here to talk to you about what Suzanne has in her mind as a question.</p>
<p>[(In regards to her dogs...laughing) You know when they first started that, I wondered if it was play or if they were mad at each other, but that's how they play. It's so cute.]</p>
<p>All righty, let me answer the question from Suzanne:</p>
<p><em>"Our daughter is a single, divorced mom of a three-year-old,</em> [I'm very sad already] <em>she's still living at home with us while she attends college.</em> [At least the little kid is in family.] <em>She takes very good care of her child, but she likes to act like a 19-year-old instead of a 25-year-old in terms of friends, partying and going out with men. How much babysitting should we do for her? She seems to think we can babysit anytime because we are home and she can put her child to bed and then go out and roam."</em></p>
<p>Ok, I'm going to say it straight out: your daughter is an immature, self-centered jerk. However, this three-year-old is a innocent child. So, your daughter's going to go out and do her skuzzy behavior. Your job as a grandma, which I would consider it as my job as a grandma, is to rescue and protect my grandchild. I would not complain about taking care of my grandchild any day or night, especially when I know that the parent in charge is not acting as a parent in charge. Sorry about your daughter, there's not much you can do about her, but don't let her leave with the kid. Keep her "kissy kissy" so that you can be the one to rescue and take care of this innocent, dependent little kid. If not, just send the kid to my house.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, be back with you next time! </p>
<p>[Petting dogs] Ohhh, are you eating the grass? Ok, that's...eww. [Throws something from dog's mouth]. See what a mother has to put up with?! I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, see you next time!</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8FjlznDiJA" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/grandma_babysit_300.jpg" alt="Grandma, Can You Babysit Again?" /></a> </p>Staff2011-02-14T08:00:00ZI Always Have to Initiate AffectionStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/I-Always-Have-to-Initiate-Affection/283533271731958734.html2011-02-08T08:00:00Z2011-02-08T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to answer your questions. And you don't get to yell back at me [laughs] (I love that part).</p>
<p>This is from Courtney: <br /> <br /><em>"I've been married for almost two years. My husband and I are both military and have been through a lot in the past including multiple deployments. How can I get my husband to show more emotion towards me? He never kisses me FIRST; I always have to kiss him. He never hugs me FIRST, holds my hand FIRST or gently touches me FIRST. I have to initiate everything and then I get the eye roll when I want a kiss. I'm really upset about this. Every time I ask him to show a little bit of love, it always turns into an argument. Please help."</em></p>
<p>Stubborn woman, aren't you? It sort of reminds me about women who called and said, "I'm really upset with my husband. We had a fight the other night. I said, 'You know, you never ask me to go to the movies.'<br /> <br />And he said, 'Okay. Do you want to go out to the movies?' <br /> <br />'Well, do you wanna go?' </p>
<p>'Well, I'll go if you want to go.' </p>
<p>'Well, no cause you don't really wanna go'." <br /> <br />I mean, the guy can't really win. The reality is men want to please, but guys have their own personalities and they have their own histories and they have their own discomforts and they're human beings.<br /> <br />So, here's the deal. He kisses you when you kiss him, he hugs you when you hug him, he holds your hand when you go to touch him, he responds to you. It's...for some reason, and I can't even guess, it's uncomfortable for him to initiate. Typically speaking, we think of the man as the initiator of all things physical and sexual. But some how the affectionate thing, I don't know, there is something in him that makes that difficult. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, <strong>he responds!</strong> When you seduce him, he's there. <br /> <br />It sort of reminds me of one of the real old <em>"All in the Family"</em> episodes where the young couple is having the exact same fight because she's complaining that he never instigates sexual intercourse/love making, okay? And, they're having this fight, having this fight and she talks to her dad. And Archie is, you know, supposed to be a nasty, difficult, hates everybody kind of guy, but he was right there for his daughter. He said, "Look, does it really matter who starts it as long as you're both together finishing it?" Keep that in mind. If you have a man who you can snuggle up to who responds to that, enjoy it.<br /> <br />And by the way, thank you both for your military service; you are both my heroes.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, 'til next time.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfYtYARtz2k" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/initiate_affection_300.jpg" alt="I Always Have to Initiate Affection" /></a></p>Staff2011-02-08T08:00:00ZDaddy Leaves the Kids OutsideStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Daddy-Leaves-the-Kids-Outside/327920919073886736.html2011-02-01T08:00:00Z2011-02-01T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura Schlessinger here, and welcome to our YouTube channel where I get to do many different things, including answer your questions. This one is from Megan:</p>
<p><em>"I'm a stay-at-home mom of two toddler boys, married four years to a great husband.</em> [I really like that it starts out good.] <em>My boys get very excited to see daddy arrive at home at the end of each day and he usually takes them outside until dinner is ready. </em> [I mean, this is perfect.] <em>Daddy usually leaves something behind, like a cell phone or something to drink, and leaves the kids in the driveway while he runs back to get his forgotten item. </em> [Oops.] <em>This annoys me. I feel it's not safe and it's not right. I grew up in a city, I'm not at ease when it comes to dealing with this stuff. I fear for their safety, even though we live in a great family neighborhood. I've addressed this with my husband each time I see it happen and he ignores me or says 'you seem to think I don't know what I am doing and you have trust issues with me.' At that point, I want to scream. </em> [Not me, she does.] <em>Even leaving them in the garage where they will be in sight would be a better option. In any event, this always turns into an argument. How can I get him to see eye-to-eye with me on this?"</em></p>
<p>Ok, he's not as hypersensitive or (forgive me) a little paranoid as you are, so you're never going to see eye-to-eye. So, it might be good for you to A) bring out his drink of soda or whatever it is, bring out his cell phone. If those are the two things he comes back in for, just say "honey, you forgot these" and there's no more issue.<br /> <br />See, I just like the simpler solutions, rather than fighting it out. Just realize he's a little absent minded there, the kids have been fine, most of the time kids are fine. It's the extraordinary exceptions when something horrible happens, but I appreciate being safer than sorry. However, you know, calm it down and be cooperative. Cooperation is the best way to handle this. "Sweetie, do you have everything that you need?" And if you see that he missed something, bring it out to him. "Can I get something for you? Just tell me." That's how loving people treat each other.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, welcome to our YouTube Channel...come back again!</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPKKX-YECSY" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/daddy_leaves_300.jpg" alt="Daddy Leaves The Kids Outside" /></a></p>Staff2011-02-01T08:00:00ZGirls Keep Throwing Their Bodies At MeStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Girls-Keep-Throwing-Their-Bodies-At-Me/534655501210321403.html2011-01-25T08:00:00Z2011-01-25T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger; welcome to our YouTube channel. And I got a letter from Daniel I thought was worth answering because a lot of us can learn from it: </p>
<p><em>"I'm 16 years old and have been reading your book <strong>10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives</strong></em> [every 16-year-old boy should read that book]. <em>Lately I've been having a problem with the females I've been dating. They always get it into their head that they have to do something sexual to keep me happy which is really starting to annoy me. I'd rather be with someone for who they are rather than be sexual with them. Is there any way I can get my dates to stop going for sex as a way to please me?"</em></p>
<p>[Laughs] It is amazing that we have a young man that is not going, "Hey the sexual revolution, the woman's revolution, we get something for nothing, this is very good." This is obviously a male that is already a man because he wants depth. And, girls are slutty these days, at all ages. They are starting earlier than 16 and going later than 40-something. It's amazing, we had the feminist revolution in an attempt to make women think they were more than just their bodies, so what do they do now? They're just being bodies! Very smart.</p>
<p>I think what you do is you tell the girls point blank out: I'm 16-years-old, I'm a hot blooded male, I would love to have sex all over the place that means nothing, but truly I'm more interested in having a real friendship with a girl and this is where I'm at. I'd like to shoot hoops, go to movies, talk about books and that's where I am.<br /> <br />And, I'm very proud of you because a lot of young men getting into all these sexual relationships at an early age one after another after another, become very crass about love, about women and about sex. And that doesn't set you up well for imagining the beauty of making love to the mother of your children and the wife for the rest of your life. So, you're doing this the smart way...ha!</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, back next time</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBeuWKr_7-I" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/girls_keep_300.jpg" alt="Girls Keep Throwing Themselves at Me" /></a></p>Staff2011-01-25T08:00:00ZMy Modest Girls Are Getting TeasedStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/My-Modest-Girls-Are-Getting-Teased/-928451122414569895.html2011-01-18T08:00:00Z2011-01-18T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube Channel. I got a question from Arianna:<br /> <br /><em>"I have three children; two girls in the second and fifth grades and one boy in the first grade.</em> [Poor kid...two older sisters to nag him.] <em>The girls are having a harder time emotionally than my son. There are a lot of cliques in their classes and the fifth graders are wearing make-up and dressing sexy. I'm trying to keep my girls decent and pure but it's very tough when the other girls tease them. What should I do?"</em></p>
<p>Put them in a private religious school or home school them. [Laughs] The other option is teach them how to be strong. When I was a kid, I actually got physically beaten up a number of times because my mother was "Italian", she was a "foreigner", she was an "immigrant," so I know all about the being teased and picked on to the point of one time I was tossed down a flight of stairs in grammar school. It's funny now, but it wasn't at the time. But you learn to be tough.<br /> <br />So, as you know, I'm picked on and bullied a lot in my adult life and I'm better and better at handling it because my parents let me get through the tougher times in school. So you can protect them, put cotton around them, or you can teach them how to deal with the creeps and the pains and the bullies.<br /> <br />I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, [grunts and puts her fists up] till next time on our YouTube channel. [Laughs]</p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Otv5haYSdGw" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/modest_girls_300.jpg" alt="My Modest Girls Are Getting Teased" /></a></p>Staff2011-01-18T08:00:00ZHey Date - Ya Got Any Health Issues?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Hey-Date---Ya-Got-Any-Health-Issues/-139212029279246350.html2011-01-11T08:00:00Z2011-01-11T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I'm aboard my boat "Perfect", answering your questions. This one is from Julia: </p>
<p><em>"At what point in a relationship is it okay to ask about serious health issues or sexually transmitted diseases? A member of my family dated her current husband for a year before they were married and didn't ask about any health issues. After they were married, he told her that diabetes ran in his family and he was a severe diabetic himself.</em> [As a sidebar, severe diabetics wear insulin pumps or do their blood testing all the time and have to eat properly and exercise properly. I mean if you've known this guy for a year, do not tell me you didn't know he was a diabetic. Like, were you paying any attention?] <em>I'm in a great relationship now and would like to know this information before it gets more serious. How do I go about asking my boyfriend if he has any diseases or long term health issues that may affect my health or any future children we may have? </em></p>
<p>This is how you do it: "Honey, do you have any diseases or long term health issues that may affect my health or any future children we might have?" That covers it. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Until next time.<br /><br /><a title="Hey Date - Ya Got Any Health Issues?" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KQeCPw0lFY" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/health_issues_300.jpg" alt="Hey Date - Ya Got Any Health Issues?" /></a></p>Staff2011-01-11T08:00:00ZHolding MEN in High EsteemStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Holding-MEN-in-High-Esteem/-433907035870288050.html2011-01-05T08:00:00Z2011-01-05T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to our YouTube channel. By the way, this is Butch, he's a puppy, he's a Rhodesian ridgeback and he's just a sweet love and I don't know...he's having his salad. And, this is Bebe (you already know Bebe "The Wonder Dog")...[talking to Bebe] give mommy kisses, yes. [kisses dog] It's so cute, it's like having little kids. [I'm] waiting forever to have my son get married and make me grandbabies. These are my substitutes.<br /> <br />Okay, I'm here to answer your questions. This is from Sandy: </p>
<p><em>"I heard you use the phrase 'being a male, not a man'. What is the difference and does age play into it, especially for men who are 45 and older?</em> [Laughs] [Especially for men who are 45 and older?]<br /> <br />I figure if a guy hasn't jelled into a man by age 40, it probably isn't going to happen. But, what I'm referring to is... I hold the concept of a man in such high esteem. It's somebody who is introspective and honorable and brave and instinctive of doing the right thing and willing to stand up for the right thing and willing to fight for the right thing and willing to protect the innocent and the weak and just all the noble things you could ever say. A guy or a male is strictly sort of immature, impulsive, animal driven and won't necessarily put himself out for what is right and righteous.<br /> <br />So, I have a big difference in my mind...so when a woman calls and says-- for example, yesterday on the air, they were at HIS mother and father's house and the father, who evidently acts like this a lot, they were all arguing, the sons were arguing politics with the dad and it got pretty heated as it does. [Motions to Butch] [Yes, are we bothering you?] And the mother came in to try to quell everything down because it's Thanksgiving and the dad stood up and screamed at her viciously and shoved her. And, I said, "What did your husband (her son) do?" "Nothing." That's not a man. A <strong>man</strong> would have stood up, gotten in between mom and dad, told dad to back off and he would have protected his mother. He was a <strong>male</strong> who didn't want to mess with daddy. And would rather see his mother abused than take any grief from dad. That's a male. A man would have stood up.<br /> <br />It's real clear in my mind and I hold a real man in high esteem. And you women should only marry one of those, and they come in all ages.</p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and from Butch and Bebe, bye.<br /><a title="Holding Men in High Esteem" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ARxQ9avu4" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/holding_men_300.jpg" alt="Holding Men in High Esteem" /></a></p>Staff2011-01-05T08:00:00ZSharing the Kids at ChristmasStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Sharing-the-Kids-at-Christmas/6021761083393699.html2010-12-20T08:00:00Z2010-12-20T08:00:00Z<p>Hi, Dr. Laura here. Happy to join you at our YouTube channel, where I get to answer your questions like a holiday question from Dave:<br /> <br /><em>"Every other year for the holiday season we take turns with my daughter-in-law's family. This Christmas, it's our turn to have our son, our daughter-in-law and their one year old little boy. Our daughter-in-law has mentioned to us that she would like to leave at 10 am on Christmas morning, so they can drive several hours to see her relatives. She has expressed that we all need to compromise and work together on the holidays. We do get along with her, but I believe that she is having trouble not being with her family, especially now that she has a child. Do you think it's reasonable or fair for them to leave so early on our holiday? What should I say to her?" </em></p>
<p>You know, really make a big fuss about Christmas Eve. Get up early and have a great Christmas breakfast, and everybody open gifts and let them go to the other in-laws house. Let me tell you how I'm going to handle this when I'm fortunate enough that my son is married and they have kids and all of that. I told him I would travel anywhere to have a holiday season with everybody, all together, both in-laws. I don't understand this having to go to one place, then the other place, one place, the other place. (Unless of course they're 3000 miles away. That's another story.) But this is driving distance. I would say, "You know what? I'll drive you there. We'll all have Christmas lunch at your folks' house." It's family! Stop being his, hers, mine, theirs, ours. Stop it. </p>
<p>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, now have a good Christmas holiday and remember: I'll crawl through broken glass to go wherever my son and daughter-in-law are going to be and you could at least think of driving. Take care. Merry Christmas.<br /><br /><a title="Sharing the Kids at Christmas" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqIS-KIVnN4" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0; margin: 5px;" src="/images/blog/sharing_holidays_300.jpg" alt="Sharing the Kids at Christmas" /></a></p>Staff2010-12-20T08:00:00ZWhat Does It Mean to be a Mom?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/What-Does-It-Mean-to-be-a-Mom
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- /15079.html2009-05-05T14:00:00Z2009-05-05T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>What Does It Mean to be a Mom?</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi. Mother's Day is coming up and I know so many of you are rushing around, thinking about flowers and brunch, and what kind of little gifts to give. But I'd rather you sat back, and thought a little bit more about what it is to be a mom. And I think I have a lot to say about that, because, for the beginning part of my adult life, the last thing I wanted in the world to be was a mom. I was a raging "feminista". And making any sacrifices and turning over my life to raising little kids, as opposed to taking on power in the world, was just, well, un-thought of. And then one day when I was 35, I was watching a program showing a live birth and I found myself sobbing and realizing what was missing from my life. <br><br>The first and foremost thing I want to say about being a mommy is that the minute you're pregnant, you have this beautiful sense of your femininity like you've never had it before. Oh, sure, you can dress sexy and do all that seductive stuff and that makes you feel womanly, in a way. Of course it does; I'm not going to deny that. But there's something about, when you reach down and feel your tummy, and it's getting bigger and you're watching your breasts getting bigger, preparing to feed your child, and your whole body is changing and your whole chemistry is changing, and it changes your whole mindset about what's important in life. And suddenly you feel a sense of significance that far outweighs just about any accomplishment you can do out there. You're bringing forth new life and teaching this nascent life how to be a wonderful, happy, functioning human being. It is a sacrifice like no other because you are giving your life totally over to the needs of something outside yourself that you brought into this world. <br><br>So when you're thinking about Mother's Day for yourself, or you're thinking about celebrating Mother's Day with your mom, think about how spectacular and miraculous and unique the whole experience is. And how every day of a mother's life, from the day you were a fertilized egg to the last breath she takes...trust me on this one...her thoughts are: how can she make you happier? Keep that in mind when you're just maybe cavalierly thinking of "I'll take her to brunch". Happy Mother's Day, from my heart to yours. <br><br><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnSwVhtaH2k"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-05-05T14:00:00ZListen Before You PounceStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Listen-Before-You-Pounce
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- /15078.html2009-04-28T14:00:00Z2009-04-28T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Listen Before You Pounce</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>I'm Dr. Laura (a.k.a. "My Kid's Mom") and I'd like to read to you something hilarious. Now the reason I'm reading this to you is not just to entertain you. I am not a stand-up comic, although I do have that edge about me. But it's because I want you parents to realize something, particularly if you jump into way too much defensiveness about your children before you learn more of the facts, like when they get into trouble at school or when there are other issues at school. Your immediate reaction might just be to defend your little kid. Well, you know what? There are times you <i>need</i> to defend them and there are times you need to <i>help</i> them grow up, tell the truth and handle things with honor, character and courage. So here's the humor to remind you of that.<br><br><i>[School Answering Machine, the outgoing message:]<br><br>Hello! You have reached the automatic answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection: <br><br>To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1 <br><br>To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2 <br><br>To complain about what we do - Press 3 <br><br>To swear at staff members - Press 4 <br><br>To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several fliers mailed to you - Press 5 <br><br>If you want us to raise your child - Press 6 <br><br>If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7 <br><br>To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8 <br><br>To complain about bus transportation - Press 9 <br><br>To complain about school lunches - Press 0 <br><br>If you realize that this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort then - Hang up and have a nice day! </i><br><br>Many of you really need to hear that little bit of humor. I understand, because I, myself, am a mommy and the last thing I wanted was my own kidlet's feelings hurt. And I used to immediately go into "mommy bear" mode, because [in a gruff voice] "somebody's upsetting my kid." But you have to realize, if you want your child to grow up to be a decent, functional person, they have to be held accountable for their actions. <br><br>They have to be taught to tell the truth, they have to be taught to deal with disappointment and frustration, and even a little bit of fear. And if you can work <i>with</i> the teachers to help your child do that, then I won't have to nag you, will I? <br><br> I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Now go do the right thing. <br><br><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcQDGm0bHzQ"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-04-28T14:00:00ZA Family of LeechesStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/A-Family-of-Leeches
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- /15077.html2009-04-21T14:00:00Z2009-04-21T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>A Family of Leeches</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to the Dr. Laura YouTube channel, where you get to ask important questions that I think are relevant to a lot of people. And I know this one is. And the answer may seem so obvious, but I think it has a depth that we need to explore.<br><br> Tammy wrote (she's 38)...she's writing about her family and the difficulty she has letting them suffer the consequences of their own behaviors. What does that mean?<br><br><i>"My entire family,"</i> she says, <i>"on both sides, are addicts."</i> She has no addiction to drugs or alcohol though. Her mother committed suicide when she was a baby. Her father abandoned her on the steps of his own mother and father. The grandparents, along with the maternal aunt and uncle, shared responsibility for raising her, and she is grateful for that. <br><br>The issue she continually faces is that her family consistently makes terrible financial choices and many of them cannot pay their bills, and their houses are in foreclosure. <i> "I chose a different path, which was to go to college, marry a great guy and, as a result, I am very financially secure,"</i> she writes. <i>"I help my family, within reason, and where I feel I can make a difference. For example, getting the niece off to college, paying for rehab for a cousin, etc."</i> [Good gracious]. <i>"I, however, will not continue to shell out cash for their continual bad decisions: Like buying a new car when they have no money, or re-financing the house and taking out the equity to 'have fun', or to retire early because they don't like their boss. I do not believe this is my responsibility, and regardless of how much money we have, my husband and I didn't work hard to get where we were, so that we could support my family's irresponsibility and bad decisions."</i> Well, you know, she's right. (There's another sentence.) <i>"I believe my position is fair and appropriate, so why does it cause me so much stress to say 'no'?"</i><br><br> This makes me so sad to have to answer, but there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have an irresponsible family full of leeches, and in addition to that, you lost your mom and dad. Now you are grateful for the relatives who brought you up, but they're also trying to suck you dry. And you have a sense of responsibility and gratitude because they <b>did</b> raise you. On the other hand, the truth is, you have so few people in your family who are really generous and loving and caring about you. And you know that money is the umbilical cord, and it's hard for you to imagine cutting it. Because then, you know, it's like being lost at sea. They'll just be going off and off and off and off into the sunset, and that's very painful for you to think about.<br><br>Now the good news! The good news is that you've got a wonderful husband and kids, and his side of the family is terrific. So there are times you have to cut your losses; accept the fact that there was minimal there anyway. I like you helping somebody in your family who's trying to do something with their lives...that's terrific. You grew up in spite of all of this chaos to be a very decent, loving, caring person. But don't let that be used against you.<br><br>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I look forward to hearing some of your questions, right here, on the Dr. Laura YouTube channel. Take care.<br><br><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-qsxL2lRpo"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br></font>Staff2009-04-21T14:00:00ZBehind the Music: An Interview with Benjamin PrattStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Behind-the-Music:-An-Interview-with-Benjamin-Pratt
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- /15076.html2009-04-14T14:00:00Z2009-04-14T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Behind the Music: An Interview with Benjamin Pratt</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>[Rolodex box being used as slate] <br><b>Dr. L:</b>This is an example of how high tech we are here on the Dr. Laura Program, which is me (I am my kid's mom) and we have one of our most celebrated peeps here. This is Benjamin Pratt, who engineers and orchestrates our music. And I wonder, what does that mean? What do you do with music?<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Basically what I do is I take the brilliant answers that you give the listeners and [gestures with thumbs up] I try to encapsulate music coming into the next segments so it just accentuates it. It makes it creative. It's somewhat like sound designing a movie, except it's a radio program. So I try to find music that matches up with the calls and make it interesting to listen to and, of course, make you laugh.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Well...how do you do that in the few seconds you have? I mean, how does that...how many pieces of music do you have and how do you know where to dive in to?<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Well, in an attempt to make myself irreplaceable, I've designed it around my brain, and I've come up with key words. So when you're talking to a caller and I'm sitting back and I'm taking my notes, I think to myself, "What is this call about?" And I've found commonalities between certain topics, whether or not it's sex or marriage, abusive relationships, brothers, sisters...whatever the topic might be, and I've categorized them as such.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>And how many do you have, all-in-all? <br><br><b>Ben:</b>I just cracked 1,000. <br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Oh my gosh! <br><br><b>Ben:</b>So you picked a great time to ask me. I have exactly 1,000 songs. [pounds Dr. L's fist in a friendship gesture] I might cut myself. [laughs]<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>When you first came aboard, what was it like working on this show? Because this is a different show than sports and other things you've done.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Absolutely. Because I came from a sports background and so coming to this kind of a show, I walked in a little bit like a deer in headlights because I didn't know exactly what to expect. And previous to working for you, you know, dating your...I could take things for face value. And you can't look at life the same when you know a lot of the answers behind why people do the things they do. When you go to a club or a bar or you're just talking to somebody in a coffee shop, you can see things that you couldn't see before so you can't even plead ignorance. So it made dating very difficult. <br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>So I interfered with your personal social life. <br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yes, my self-destructive...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Until recently. <br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yeah, until recently. But the beauty is that using what I've learned on the show helped me find a fantastic woman.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>[whispers & smiles] Yes, she is. Okay, now, what did you...if you ever want to reveal something so personal, what did you, sitting here listening to the show, what was special to you that changed something in your life and your way of thinking? Was there one particular call or?<br><br><b>Ben:</b>I can think of one right off the top of my head because there's been many, because, unfortunately, sometimes you see your own flaws in the callers and you learn about yourself in the process. But one of them was about being on time and this was [both laugh] this was a...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>He's still not terrific at that, but all right.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>I'm getting better. And it's partially due to an "ah ha" moment that I had listening to you talk to a caller. You were explaining that being late was saying, you know, "You're not going to control me. I'm not going to play by your rules...I'm not going to show up..." And the key was, you made the point, "Did you ever notice that people who are late are always late the same amount of time?" <br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>[laughs] Yes.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>And I thought to myself...always, and for me it's 30 minutes. That's my number and I...so in the mornings when I'd be getting ready I'd look at the clock and, "Oh! Right on 'Ben' time!" But even...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Which is different from Pacific time... <br><br><b>Ben:</b>Correct. But my girlfriend noticed. She said, "I noticed that you've been just...you know, you move your butt now. In the mornings, when you call me and you say 'I'm on my way to work', I notice that you're there." So it's definitely an improvement. When we're going out on a date, I'm ready to go and I'm sitting there waiting, and now I'm waiting for her. <br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>As it should be.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Of course.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b> In terms of working on a show where people are calling in with problems and dilemmas and ethical, and moral, and psychological issues, do you ever go home with any of this rattling around in your head? <br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yeah, pretty much every day. And the...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Is it stressful?<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Um, no. It's only been a little stressful at times when I knew that I saw myself in a call. And you think about it and you say, "Okay", you know, "How does this apply to me?" And it's like anything else: it's information. And it can be used properly or improperly. And I had a relationship once where I think I used it improperly, and I was constantly just putting the girl up against these criteria. And it's very stressful because you're not dealing with a robot, you're dealing with a human being. But using it as a method to understand so <i>you</i> can be more compassionate, as opposed to a tool to check somebody else, is a more positive way to use it. So I've found that it's benefitted me much more as I've matured and understand how to properly use what I learned on the show. So I would say that the only time, non-call related, that I'm stressed out is if we have a technical catastrophe or if an ISDN fails or something like that, that can offer a tense moment. But, you know...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Not because I get tense about it. I tend to laugh when there are electronic problems.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yeah, you know, and I just...because my goal is to make...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Well it must help because I don't get excited about it.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>It does. It makes my job easier because it's hard if everyone around you is panicking. And, of course, for me, my goal is to make your life easier. Is to be a support system, and feedback, and to give you someone to look at when you're talking to the callers so you have a person sitting there, and I'll catch you making eye contact with me. And I can see that how I react and what I do can help feed you and it just all works nice.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Yeah. I think you're integral to the show.Have you seen the show evolve?<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Absolutely.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>From what to what?<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Well, when I first started...I've seen it be more creative, and I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but I like the fact that...getting the feedback from the audience. And the music...the back and forth with you and I, I think is a lot of fun...and the music adds to that. I've also noticed that, from the therapy aspect, watching you as time has gone on, you just get better and better. And I'm not trying to just blow sunshine. Your ability to...the polish in your reads on people when they don't give you information, and you're able to just get a sense. Every year I just notice it gets sharper and sharper. And they'll say three words and you want to take them here and they're just like, "I want to talk about apples, Dr. Laura." And you're like, "No, you want to talk about oranges." And oranges is the answer. The flow of the show is just going smoother and smoother.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>I'm always impressed after a call when you ask me some questions, "How did you get from there to there?" "How did you know that?" It's very interesting. During the commercials there's kind of an ongoing dialogue, unless of course I'm thinking, in which case I go, "Benjamin, I can't talk. I'm thinking." <br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yes, well, in the very beginning you said I was too...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Oh yes.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>This was my first time...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>You were filling in.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yes, filling in and I didn't know what to do. You know, you're working for Dr. Laura. And so I tried to talk to you during the breaks and...<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>[makes hand gesture of quacking duck] Blah blah blah...<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yes, exactly.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>I said, "Please! I cannot work with that man. He won't shut up."<br><br><b>Ben:</b>But I did a great job.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Yes! He did.<br><br><b>Ben:</b> "Just tell him he's too chatty." <br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>[laughs] And I've enjoyed...I think we're working on our fifth year together. <br><br><b>Ben:</b>Yeah, I couldn't believe it. <br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>[extends arms out for hug] Happy anniversary.<br><br><b>Ben:</b>Aww, happy anniversary to you too. Thank you very much. It's a pleasure.<br><br><b>Dr. L:</b>Thank you. Well, we'll see you next time with another one of our magnificent peeps from the Dr. Laura Program. Meanwhile [looks at Ben] wave! Bye!<br><br><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da9qpmU2vTA"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-04-14T14:00:00ZDeflecting Arguments Against Staying-at-HomeStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Deflecting-Arguments-Against-Staying-at-Home
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- /15075.html2009-04-07T14:00:00Z2009-04-07T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b> Deflecting Arguments Against Staying-at-Home </b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I just published a wonderful, touching, moving book (if I say so myself) <i>In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms</i>. Now I know a lot of you are (shh!) closet stay-at-home moms; you don't really want people to know. Why? Because they insult you, and they degrade you, and they demean you, and they argue with you. Well I'm going to tell you how to win all of those arguments, so that you can feel good about doing what I think is the most important thing I've ever done in my life, and that's being an at-home mom. <br><br>So I want you to be able to deflect the arguments that these other people are giving you...even your mother, for goodness sakes, sometimes...in this following way: "I don't understand why...you know, it's just as good if they go to daycare. They learn a lot there and they get to play with each other, and you're just being selfish, and you're wasting your education...and you are just being boring and your husband's going to leave you one day." That's a lot, isn't it? Yeah. <br><br>This is how you're going to handle it. You're going to go, "You know, you're probably right. But it is just so cute when he's lying in his crib and all of a sudden he notices his hands and starts playing with them. Or, or when he's in my lap and I'm feeding him and he's starting to drool and then he tries to feed me. Or when he just ran up after he was playing with his friends and he is all filthy and dirty and he threw his little pudgy arms around my neck and said, 'I wuv you mom.' You're probably right though...I would hate to miss those things."<br><br>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. The name of the book is called <i>In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms</i>. See you next time.<br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDSCcuQ7MkE"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-04-07T14:00:00ZNanny Babysitter Care Worker or Mommy?Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Nanny-Babysitter-Care-Worker-or-Mommy
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- /15074.html2009-03-31T14:00:00Z2009-03-31T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Nanny? Babysitter? Care Worker? or Mommy?</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I'm here to talk about my newest book <i>In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms</i>. Now the first question I'm normally asked in any kind of interview is, &'Why did you write this book?& . And that's the problem right there. I think I started thinking about this book about 25 years ago when I was on the old, old, old <i>Donahue</i> show. Remember that? It was one of the first talk shows?had an audience. I was there with my first book <i>Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives</i>. <br><br>The book had nothing in there about being a mother, nothing in there about being an at-home mom, but clearly, because I was showing some respect for women, I got jumped on all over the place by the audience about being a stay-at-home mom. It was so weird.<br><br> So &'poof& I had this great moment when I said, <i>&'Okay, okay, I have a question for the audience.& </i> Well, Donahue looked shocked because I sort of took over the show for a second from the podium, and I said, <i>&'All right, all of you are going to die right now and you're going to be recycled right now, and you can choose whether or not you want to come home or back to life with a babysitter, a nanny, or a day care center, or a loving mother. Stand up if you would choose one of the first three.& </i> And I'm looking around the audience and nobody gets up. So somehow inherently, in some part of every woman's psyche, there is that built-in connection to be a mommy that has been &'dissed& and minimized, and attacked in our society. As if somehow women lose something by giving up motherhood.<br><br> Well, here I am, 25 years later, going through the feminist nonsense myself and finally becoming a mother and I know from what I speak. If I come back, I want to be with a mommy, not a nanny, not a day care center, and not a babysitter. How about you? This book helps reinforce what is truly unique and remarkable about every woman: the possibility of motherhood. <i>"In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms;"</i> you deserve it. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Be back next time. <br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sukmFxawbM"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-03-31T14:00:00ZStay-at-Home Moms Need Praise!Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Stay-at-Home-Moms-Need-Praise!
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- /15073.html2009-03-24T14:00:00Z2009-03-24T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Stay-at-Home Moms Need Praise!</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and I just published a book called <i>In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms</i>. Now, there are no arguments, there's no data, there's no research. There's nothing about the argument between working moms and stay-at-home moms. This [book] is all about praising you women who sacrifice to make sure that the person loving your child... paying attention to your child... experiencing a bug walking across the room with your child... being with them the first time they discover their fingers or the first time they have a worry or thought?who is there to help them understand it and face it, enjoy it, have some fun with it, learn from it and be able to grow with it? That's you; an at-home mom. <br><br>So how does being an at-home mom benefit your kids? Kids are not inanimate objects. It's not food in one end and clean up the other end. They are growing and developing every day. And they're going to be thinking about what's right and wrong, and friendships and love, and God and morality. And just about every thought a human being could have starts churning around in these little minds, and who do you want to have influence them? Somebody you pay minimum wage? Even a family member?not as good as you. You want to inculcate into your children <i>your</i> way of viewing and loving and enjoying the world with all the commitments that are important to making life have purpose. <br><br>You are very important as an at-home mom. It isn't just about <b><i>&'what's for dessert mom?!& </i></b>. The book is called <i>In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms</i> and bless you. <br><br>See you next time. <br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMUOduGv6b0"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-03-24T14:00:00ZBebe, The Wonder DogStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Bebe,-The-Wonder-Dog
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- /15072.html2009-03-10T14:00:00Z2009-03-10T14:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Bebe, The Wonder Dog</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura and this is my master, Bebe. She has taught me many tricks. She does things and I give her tidbits. That's a pretty smart dog to teach a human that. So we're going to see some of the stuff that she has taught me. [Commands] Good girl. Bebe, climb. I love this little dog. She taught me to lean back. Isn't that good? <br><br>All right, now, piècé de résistance. Ready? [Throws down dog treat] That is a snack she likes. Watch this. Good girl. [Moves snack close to Bebe] I'm going to disappear. And you can come around and see if she's going to touch that. I don't think so. Bebe, free! Good girl! What a good girl! <br><br>See, she's taught me well. She does those things and I feed her. [Laughs] Now, dogs are very smart, if you think about it. Because, we tell them to do things and they do it. They sit and bark at us and we have no clue as to what they're talking about. So I'm wondering which one has the IQ. But this is my baby...come here sweetie. [Picks up Bebe]<br><br>She is really a very sweet dog and it's sort of interesting, dogs have their habits. At eight o'clock on the button, she runs upstairs and jumps into bed. Doesn't matter if we're not there. Eight o'clock, she's on the bed. I get into bed, she snuggles with me and she doesn't snore. But if my husband moves, she growls. [Laughs] Like, "Don't bother me. I'm sleeping." [Kisses Bebe on the head] I think it's great to have a dog, especially when your one kid is away in the military and you have to have somebody to nag. <br><br>We'll see you next time. Bebe, can you say goodbye? No, she can't. <br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8h_aWoMsn4"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-03-10T14:00:00ZTMI! Helping Those Who Give Too Much InformationStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/TMI!--Helping-Those-Who-Give-Too-Much-Information
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- /15071.html2009-03-03T16:00:00Z2009-03-03T16:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>TMI! Helping Those Who Give <b>T</b>oo <b>M</b>uch <b>I</b>nformation</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi-ya! Dr. Laura here and welcome to my Dr. Laura YouTube Channel where, among other things, you get to ask me some questions that perhaps you couldn't get on the air because Kimberly wouldn't accept your call...she's like that sometimes. All right, I don't have a name for this but it says:<br><br><i>"How can I discourage a co-worker from spilling out all the personal details of her life to me, without damaging our working relationship? We've worked together on lots of projects and I'm her supervisor on some projects."</i><br><br>Well, it's funny how things flash into your mind. I was just about to give you a very articulate, brilliant answer to this when I remembered being in that very same position when I was in graduate school. I was at Columbia University, at the medical school, working on my doctorate in physiology at the time, and this girl kept coming and telling me about her boyfriend. And it was like every day she kept coming and nagging to me about her boyfriend and I gave her brilliant advice. I can't remember what any of it was right now, but I remember, at the time, I said, "You should do this...you shouldn't do this...you should do this...you shouldn't do this..." And none of it seemed to make any difference, because she kept doing what she was doing. <br><br>So, frankly, I got tired of it. I got frustrated with it...didn't quite know what to do. I wasn't trained as a psychotherapist at that time in my life, but you know, I'm a reasonable and compassionate human being. She came in that one last time and started in again. And I walked over to her, put my arms around her and just hugged her and said, "I can't help you, but I care." She started crying, with all her mascara going over all the one (you know, I'm in graduate school and you don't have a lot of money) decent blouse I had and I'm thinking,"I have to be very compassionate, loving..." At the same time I'm going, "Oh darn, she's going to wreck my blouse and it'll never come out!" (I hope she's not hearing this right now.) <br><br>But, you know what? Somehow just hearing that the answer couldn't come from me, meaning it really couldn't come from anybody else, she knew what she had to do and she had to face it...and simply that I cared about her enough to hug her. I'm of a big belief that physical contact...holding somebody's hand, taking both their hands when you talk to them, putting your hands on their face when you're trying to communicate something very important and being gentle about it, giving hugs...I think these say more than a thousand words. Anyway, she did dump the guy. He was really bad for her. <br><br>But remember, you're not going to talk somebody into facing the things that they're scared to face or uncomfortable to face. But you <i>can</i> show them that you care enough about them that you wish they would take care of themselves. After that, it's really out of your hands. <br><br>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Come again to our YouTube Channel.<br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8h_aWoMsn4"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-03-03T16:00:00ZYou're Not Being Fair!Staffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Youre-Not-Being-Fair!
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- /15070.html2009-02-24T16:00:00Z2009-02-24T16:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>You're Not Being Fair!</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to the Dr. Laura Channel. And I'm so appreciative that you parents see us as a source of information for dealing with your kids and technology. You know, kids have always been, let's just say, stubborn, recalcitrant and want to make their own choices when they're too young to understand all the ramifications. So how do you deal with some of this? Well, here's one question:<br><br><i>&'For our 14 year old girl, we set a rule that during Monday to Thursday of a school week, the internet is only to be used for school work activity. We set up a filter to monitor her activity and told her that we did that. Yet, she violated the rules more than once. We suspended all of her activity for a few days. She violates again, we increase the punishment duration and she violates again. We took away the internet and monitored her for 24/7 for 6 months. Now after doing well for a few months, she's at it again. We explain that actions have consequences but it doesn't seem to be working. What are we doing wrong? Her explanation at one time was, "It's not fair." But after a while she says she knows it was wrong and is sorry. However, it repeats again.& </i><br><br>This is one of the rare times I'm going to agree with the kid. [laughs] That's <i>not</i> really fair. You know, it's like in the old days when you could be on the telephone during the school week for a half an hour. Well the same thing holds now, even though we're talking about internet. During the week, you can be on the internet, talking to your friends or looking up stuff?you know, you put the filters on them so that they can't go to inappropriate places?for a half an hour a night. I think it's unreasonable to say &'zippo& . It invites cheating. <br><br>Yes, she should obey everything you say, but in the real world I think a little compromise is better because it teaches a child. It's like eating two cookies, not a thousand. If you tell a kid, &'You can't have any,& then they tend to gorge. If you tell them, &'Okay. Let's have two cookies a night as a treat,& then that'll probably be the maximum and they won't be tempted to do more. And you want to teach your kids moderation. So you can tell them, &'Up to a half an hour.& If you want to do five minutes, that's good. If you want to do 28 minutes, that's good. If you want to do 15 minutes, that's good?you have a half an hour tonight to be on the internet, on a school night. You're not going to get the stress and strain. So, sometimes, you parents are just not being fair. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. If you still want to listen to me [laughs] tune in to my next YouTube video. Oh, I know I've got the kids now. <br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHx1yQnncqY"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-02-24T16:00:00ZSay "No" to Day OrphanagesStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Say-quot;Noquot;-to-Day-Orphanages
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- /15069.html2009-02-17T16:00:00Z2009-02-17T16:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Say "No" to Day Orphanages</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You've heard me many times, and probably many of you have gotten annoyed hearing this, that I call child care centers sort of day orphanages. Well, why do I do that? I guess I've never been convinced that hired help was equal to, much less superior to, the loving attention and nurturing from a mommy and/or a daddy. So I want you to hear this from a child care worker.<br><br> <i>"Hi, Dr. Laura. I don't get to listen to you very often [jokingly sobs] because I work at a child care center during the days you are on the air. I just want to let your listeners know there is no replacement for mom and dad. No other person will treat, nurture, guide or give your moral values to your children better than yourselves.<br><br> I had to get a job, so I chose to work at a child care center. My lunch break was to pick up my children from school and bring them back with me. I still raised my children. Remember most or a lot of the child care workers are young with no children and no experience. We certainly don't get paid much either. I'm not saying they don't care for your child, but NO ONE can do it like mom or dad. Please get a smaller house, a less expensive car or just tone things down, so a PARENT can stay home and raise their children.<br><br> Thank you so much for always being on target</i> (oh, you think I'm always on target? [smiles]) <i>with your 'Never To Be Humble' opinion. From Pam, who loves her three children."</i><br><br> We've heard a lot about how women are entitled to their opportunities and their power. And they should <b>not</b> be held back by children hanging on to their ankles while they are trying to run up the stairs of a career and self-actualization. I've been on both sides of everything now. And, I have to say, the reason I start my program each and every day with "I am my kid's mom", is that, even though he's going to be 23 soon and he's in the military and can shoot 40 bullets through the same hole at 300 meters, the most important thing I've ever done is raise him and be his mommy. And I have degrees and awards and this wonderful program where I get to try to brainwash you into doing the right thing for your family. And remember, when you die your legacy, your memory is not in your CV, it's not in your bank account, it's in the people who tell the wonderful stories about you because you meant so much, because you were actually there. <br><br> I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Now go do the right thing. <br><br></font> <center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwg3FKawIa4"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-02-17T16:00:00ZPutting On Dr. Laura's FaceStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Putting-On-Dr.-Lauras-Face
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- /15068.html2009-02-10T16:00:00Z2009-02-10T16:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Putting On Dr. Laura's Face</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Hi-ya! I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger and welcome to the Dr. Laura YouTube channel. I'm introducing you, from time to time, to people who help me look and do my best. And one of the most important people in the world to me is Courtney Boyle, who does my makeup. And I thought, today, it would be interesting to find out what the limitations of my face are and how she maximizes them so I look so &'cute& . First of all, tell them how we met.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> It's a funny story, how we met. It was actually by accident. I was working at Saks Fifth Avenue at the time and Dr. Laura was in Orange County, where I'm based out of, and she needed a makeup artist <i>&'today,& </i> in about an hour.<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> For my One Woman Show.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Exactly, exactly. And I overheard the conversation and the makeup artist they were going to send?it was not going to work out.<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Why?<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> She was a little bit of an introvert and a little bit defensive. And I knew Doc?I knew what her personality was like, and I knew that that was not going to work out. And I knew that I was much more appropriate for Dr. Laura's personality. So I insisted I be the makeup artist they send. And it worked out. It was a one-time job and we've been together for about two and a half years, almost three years. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> It was instant.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> It was. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> I know what charmed me?as I'm looking up at you, I see your skin looks beautiful, and you had a smart-alecky personality. And I enjoy that! The one thing I don't like is everybody sort of drooling over me. I like realistic feedback. Okay, so here's my face [<i>raises her chin and moves her head side to side</i>].<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Okay?<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> I can tell you all the things wrong with it. [<i>jokingly sobs</i>] My eyes are too close together, I'm missing half an eyebrow, my jaw is wide?<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> These are called unique features. There is nothing wrong. It is what makes you, you. One thing I do want to tell you about is Dr. Laura's eyes. She has the most beautiful, sparkly eyes. Look at them. They're perfect almonds. They are a little bit close together, so what we want to do is?<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Like a cuff link. <br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Sort of. What we want to do is create the illusion of spacing them out a little bit. So what we do with Dr. Laura's eyes is we focus darkness on the outer corner. When somebody looks at you, they're always going to see the darkest thing on your face. So if you make the outer corners of your eyes darkest, when they look at you they'll see up and out. So what we do with Dr. Laura's eyes is we focus the dark color right on the outer corner. We also bring the angle up just a little bit. A great guideline for you is to imagine a line from the corner of your nose to the corner of your eye. If you follow that guideline, and bring your eye makeup up and out, you're going to have an instantly uplifted eye. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> And you'll look like you've slept through the night. <br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Exactly; exactly. And it's not changing your eye, it's just creating the illusion of a wider, brighter eye. So we're always going to keep it light, right on the inside, on the tear duct of the eye. Keep it light and bright, that gives the illusion of just a brighter white of your eye and a brighter iris. And the darker color is just on the outside with a little bit of an up-tilt forward. <br><br>Another great rule for you if you are a little bit dark under your eyes, which happens every once in a while when we have a long weekend -- keep the mascara only on the top. Again, it's a dark color and it's just going to instantly lift the eye. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Ah! So I look like I <i>have</i> slept through the night.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Absolutely.<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Even though they're working my butt.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Yes, yes. So usually, by the One Woman Show, mascara on the top only.<br><br>[<i>both laugh</i>]<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> And, what about the wide jaw? Is that a bad thing? A good thing? The cheek bones? And I don't have the most voluptuous lips, and they aren't filled with Restylane or whatever the heck people put in them now.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> No. They're perfectly natural and beautiful. And the wide jaw I love because it's what makes this face so, just adorable [<i>grabs Dr. Laura's jaw and squeezes</i>] just these little cheeks and that jaw is so cute. But one thing we can do, just to balance the face a little bit, is bring the blush on the inside, right on the apples of the cheeks and blend it directly outwards. We're not going to go up; it's going to create too many angles. We already have an angle right here with her jaw [<i>motions to the bottom jaw line</i>] and if we go up too high on a high angle, like we used to do in the 80's with a little check mark right here [<i>motions to the temple area of the face</i>] its going to create another harsh angle on the face. So apply your blush just--<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Which would make me look what?<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> A little too angular.<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Why is that bad? <br><br><b>Courtney:</b> It's harsh. You don't want to have too many hard angles on the face. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> No.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> So we want to soften the face and blush is a great way to soften. So just on the apples and just direct it exactly out. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> What do you know about the 80's? When were you born?<br><br><b>Courtney:</b>In the 80's. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> You were three years old and you knew this?<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> [<i>laughs</i>] I know about everything.<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Yeah, okay. She believes that; yes. <br><br><b>Courtney:</b> I think I know about everything. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about the very pale skin? <br><br><b>Courtney:</b> The very pale skin?bronzer is your best friend. Everyone should use a bronzer. Doc needs it; I need it; you need it. I don't care what color your skin is, you need a bronzer. It's going to give you that instant sun-kissed look. You just need it to brighten your skin. And one trick that I do is, bring your bronzer down to your neckline [<i>motions from chin, down neck</i>]. However low that is, the bronzer needs to go there. You don't want a bronzy, golden face and a pale, pink chest. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Looks a little obvious?<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> So just carry the bronzer down. Yeah.<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Okay. Any other problems you have with me? <br><br><b>Courtney:</b> Not about makeup. No, I'm only kidding. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> [<i>laughs heartily</i>]<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> I'm only kidding, I love you. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> I love you too.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> And we don't have only one problem, we have unique features. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Yes, we do.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> It's what makes you, you. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Yes.<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> And your face wouldn't be so cute without it. <br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b> Oh [<i>sniffs</i>].<br><br><b>Courtney:</b> See why she loves me?<br><br><b>Dr. Laura:</b>Yeah. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome and thank you for visiting our YouTube channel. Tune in again. You never know who or what you're going to see. <br><br><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHBuidLyca4"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-02-10T16:00:00ZCleaning Up My Dirty Sweaty, HubbyStaffhttp://www.DrLaura.com/b/Cleaning-Up-My-Dirty-Sweaty,-Hubby
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- /15067.html2009-02-03T16:00:00Z2009-02-03T16:00:00Z<center><font face="arial, verdana" size="3"><b>Cleaning Up My Dirty Sweaty, Hubby</b></font></center><font face="arial, verdana" size="2"><br><br>Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome to the Dr. Laura YouTube channel, where you get to ask me some questions. This is a vivid question...I want you to picture it as I read it.<br><br><i>Dr. Laura, my husband is a good man but there is one issue that I am having trouble with. He loves to work outside; we have 32 acres of woods and yard. When he comes inside all sweaty and dirty, he will not take off his dirt filled shoes, nor his very stinky clothes. He proceeds to sit in his recliner and leaves the carpet full of debris from his dirty shoes. I am constantly vacuuming and spraying Febreze on his chair.</i> (We got a little ad in there, I guess.) <i> I have asked him, ever so kindly, to please at least take off his shoes, but I have gotten nowhere. He is very picky about how our yard looks and the exterior of our home, but when it comes to the interior - that's another story. What can I say to him</i> (remember that...what can I <b>say</b> to him) <i>that would help him realize that the dirty shoes and clothes are making a lot of extra work, not to mention the soiled and stinky recliner. Thank you.<br>-Janet</i><br><br>Most of the time, I don't give advice on what to say, I give advice on what to do because <i>doing</i> is infinitely more powerful. Now you wonder why a grown man, intelligent, reasonable, decent, wonderful guy, terrific husband works 32 acres of backyard and then walks in with dirt about. And I always think, "Now what could the message be?" You see, because I think behavior is a message. I think he's probably walking in there, all dirty, because he wants you to notice him and how much work he's doing, and acknowledge it and give him "huzzahs" for it. Men like that! They like to be thanked for all their efforts. Now you're saying "he" likes working outside. So maybe you're thinking, "well, because 'he' likes it..." that he's not really doing something for you. Well, it's our property and this is one of the ways men take care of their women. They take care of the property. He sees "inside the house" as yours. <br><br>So my recommendation: I like the Febreze thing, but he comes in all dirty and sweaty. I think this is the time for you to say, "Honey, lets take a shower together and then we'll cuddle together on your recliner." I have a feeling you will have the cleanest husband west of the Pecos...if I only knew where the Pecos was. I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Thank you for visiting our YouTube channel. See you next time. <br><br></font><center><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHBuidLyca4"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/watch_banner.jpg" border="0" alt="Watch Videos on www.YouTube.com/DrLaura"></a><br><br><a href="http://www.drlaurablog.com"><img src="http://www.drlaura.com/timages/sd/youtube/return_to_dlblog.gif" border="0" alt="Return to www.DrLauraBlog.com"></a></center><br><br>Staff2009-02-03T16:00:00Z