When we think about behaviors that ruin a marriage, people immediately jump to flirting and affairs. However, there are a number of things that hurt your marriage even worse:

1. Hiding, sneaking, and lying. Whether it’s to protect your spouse’s feelings or your own heinie, you should really be able to tell your spouse anything.

2. Lack of affection. When it comes to feeling connected, touching is even more important than talking.

3. Holding on to resentment. It’s very important to talk about things you’re upset about with your spouse. For example, “I’d like to feel more involved with making decisions about _____ .”

4. Being stubborn. Marriage is a team effort. It’s about doing things together, not “my way or the highway.”

5. Bitching about the small stuff. My favorite one is socks left on the floor. One day I received an email from a woman whose husband had died and she’d give anything to have his socks on the floor again. It really puts things in perspective.

6. Talking down and being competitive. You are supposed to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders, not competitors.