Too many parents seem to have completely forgotten what it was like to be teenagers. With all the chaos going on inside your head, body and life, what you really need is a mom and dad who are loving, attentive, and involved, not naggy. Here are 9 ways parents ruin their relationships with their teenagers:

1. You don’t listen. You’re so busy lecturing that you don’t hear what they have to say. Shut up and listen.

2. You grill them with questions. Ask questions, but don’t act like you’re on NCIS trying to figure out who committed the murder. If they don’t answer immediately, just stay quiet. Somebody will fill the silence, and if you don’t butt in right away, it will be them.

3. You always criticize. Instead of constantly criticizing your teeanger, how about complimenting him/her? For example, “I am really impressed that you helped your brother even though you were tired.” Complimenting your kids shows them that you notice something other than what they do wrong.

4. You don’t pick your battles. As long as they eat something green, it’s not the end of the world if they don’t eat broccoli.

5. You never apologize. Parents are typically stingy with apologies because they think it shows weakness. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. Your kids will respect you more if you admit that you were out of line or overreacted. And when you apologize, never say, “I’m sorry if you were upset.” That’s not apologizing for your behavior.

6. You make them feel like the least important part of your life. Your teenager shouldn’t feel second to your phone, friends, hobbies, career, or romantic life.

7. You nitpick their appearance. Gentle reminders are one thing, nagging is another.

8. You compare them to other kids.  Never say things like, “Why can’t you be more like ______?”

9. You expect them to be perfect.  You can’t treat every activity they pick up like they’re on the road to winning a gold medal. They don’t have to be great at everything. The point is they have fun and look forward to doing it.