Hi Dr Laura,

Recently, you had a call from a young woman who had a hard time getting her fiancé to help with planning their wedding. You mentioned a tradition that young women don't even think about today which is being carried over the threshold. My 49th anniversary is this month and I can remember very clearly the feeling I had when I carried my wife over the threshold at the Park Sheraton Hotel in New York City in 1963. We were embarking on a new life and it started that night when we consummated our marriage and began sharing toilet paper for the first time.

Shack ups will not have that feeling because they already know each other intimately. So for them, I think the tradition is silly and too late.

From the guy's perspective, weddings are not important after living with a woman. He thinks he does not need a wedding - he's getting everything he wants. Give him sex and a sandwich and he's ready to go. She wants the tradition of walking down the aisle wearing a white virgin gown, which is silly. It is also silly to want to go on a honeymoon when you've been shacking up. Honeymoons are when you learn something new about each other, and the first time you sleep with each other every night. It is highly electric and exciting - this new relationship that is blessed before family and friends. When you have a meal at Momma Leone's while the violins are playing, it is a romantic feeling that shack ups can't possibly have. They've been there and done that and are as familiar as an old pair of shoes.

So what makes these things silly for shack ups - a big wedding, honeymoon, and carrying over the threshold? The day they moved in together removed the value of those traditions. Going through the motions is meaningless. Guys understand that and many guys do not like to do silly things. Make believe is not one of our strengths. Our fantasy is to have a woman in bed with us every night. Once we have that we are settled. Instead of a wife today, we have a sex object as a companion. Who rules?

Stanley