Linda Newlin
www.GrowingUpWhole.com

Most of us need and want more connection and closeness with those in our lives.  However, we have many things that keep us separate and distant from them.

What creates closeness and loving connections with those we love?

There are many theories and methods people have touted as keys to creating loving and close relationships, but I am reminded today by my own 10-year-old wise one about what is the #1 thing that creates closeness for him.  

It is being validated and being heard.

Sounds simple and easy doesn’t it. Just listen to your loved ones. However, it is not so easy to really listen, given our life that we create around us. In order to create closeness and truly listen, I must stop what I’m doing and tune in to the other person. This requires 100% presence and not holding my cell phone, checking emails, cooking dinner, and working, doing laundry, thinking about what I have to do after this conversation or listening to music. Tuning in to the moment and being fully here now is the #1 way you can create closeness. It also requires that you don’t interrupt and try to fix the problem yourself or fix the person in that moment. It means listening and hearing the person.

How often do people you love actually sit with you and truly give you their undivided attention and hear what you are saying?  This is a gift that brings the closeness you are seeking.

Remember a time when you felt heard and understood?  Remember the positive sensations that ran through you and how you felt about that person following that experience?

Being heard and validated for our own experience is the most powerful gift of love there is.  For actions always speak louder than words.

So next time don’t just say I love you. Show them you love them by tuning in, really listening and give the present of your presence.


Linda Newlin is a coach, author, speaker, singer/songwriter, teacher, and mom whose passion it is to help people claim their wholeness and live their destiny as authentic, purposeful and joyfully as possible.  She is the author of “The Inner Traveler’s Guidebook to Moyo: Discovering the Power of Listening to your Own Heart” and “Growing up Whole: A Child’s Guidebook” She writes validation journals for all ages. For more information visit www.GrowingUpWhole.com and www.LunaMadre.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.