Dr. Laura:

I just listened to your caller Roxine who had been sexually abused by her Grandfather and I cringed. Everything she said was true about being a victim. Roxine put into words things I could not say. Being sexually abused as a child has devastating affects on your entire life, for as long as you live it's never in the background, there is always something that is said or happens that brings it to the surface.

My brother, sister and I where all sexually abused by a stepfather. We were also physically and emotionally abused. It started when I was about 6 ½ and ended when I was about 12 ½ when my mother caught my stepfather with my sister. My mother never got rid of my stepfather until many years after we had grown up and left the house in fact she had 2 other children with him, my two younger sisters. The emotional and physical abused continued.

I am now 66 years old and have never married. It took me many years to be able to have any kind of relationship with other men - I did not trust them. I have always dreamed of having a wife and children but it never happened. I've had many girlfriends, but just couldn't bring myself to marry. I was planning on getting married at one time but broke off the relationship. I suppose I did not have full trust in women as well.

What Roxine did not mentioned, and wouldn't have since she is a female, is the effect of being sexually abused when you are male. I could never tell anyone I had been sexually abused because of what they may think about me as a person, even though I was the victim.

My relationship with children was greatly affected. I could not get close to children as an uncle or just as a friend. You see for years I have heard "if a boy has been molested than more than likely they will become a molester". I have never, and do not every wish to sexually abuse a child. I shied away from being close to children or being alone with a child, lest someone think I would molest them. I was the victim but in my mind I became the suspect. It's different with a girl being sexually abused by a man than it is for a boy being sexually abused by a man. The horror is still there but the affects are different.

My family rarely speaks of the molestation. My sister sometimes will bring it up however my brother and I do not feel conformable talking about it and try to change the subject.

Sincerely,

Please do not use my name if you print this e-mail.