When our first son was born in 1989, my husband would tell people that for his 18th birthday we were going to give him luggage.

In January 2011 our 22-year old son had one more year of post-secondary education to complete and our 19-year old was working full-time, and both were paying rent (more of a pittance). My husband and I sat down with them once a month beginning in 2011 to outline our expectations of them. We ordered in pizza or Chinese food to enjoy before beginning our meeting. My husband told them we would continue to support them living under our roof until July 2012, and by then both were to have found other living accommodations to advance their adult lives.

The younger one started checking out apartments in early 2012 and ultimately moved out in March. The oldest finished his education in May and began fulltime work in his chosen field one week later. He has requested an extra month under our roof and offered us $1,000 (up from the $150 we had allowed during his schooling). He has been looking for apartments using the internet, but I told him that nothing compares to actually looking at them in person. Both sons are realizing that nothing is as good as being 'in our basement', but I am enjoying seeing the maturity level increase, especially in the younger son. 

I was concerned that our children would think we were throwing them out, but as the months went by, it became more of a fun game between my husband and me. I joked about hanging a large calendar on the kitchen wall and crossing out each day with a large X to act as a visual reminder that the countdown was on. Well, we didn't actually hang a countdown calendar and we never gave them luggage as birthday gifts, but I believe the relationship with my husband has strengthened because of our cohesive effort to do what is in our children's best interest. I stopped myself from making things too easy or comfortable for my oldest son in these last months.

I know I married an alpha male and I really love how smoothly this empty-nest transition is going. I think our children will be strong IF we expect them to be strong. I loved being a SAHM right from the beginning and nothing compared to witnessing all the changes they went through firsthand. As a mom, I could not turn our sons into men, but by allowing my husband to assume more of a male role during their teen years, I could not be more thrilled with the outcome.

Tick tock, tick tock...

Sandi