Hi, Dr. Laura, 

You asked, "What are some common ways spouses break their vows without even realizing it?" I think one way a spouse breaks his or her vow of fidelity, perhaps without realizing it, is by having sex with a non-spouse before getting married--even before meeting his or her future spouse. No one said you should be faithful to your spouse only after you get married, and you can be as promiscuous as you want before you get married. You're supposed to be faithful to your spouse, period. In my opinion, that means being faithful to your spouse at all times, not just part of the time. The effects of having premarital sexual contact with a non-spouse do not magically disappear after you get married. Sexual contact produces an intimacy and union whether or not you are married. If you are unmarried and share sexual contact with another person, that intimacy and union does not disappear when you later marry another person. Instead, it just becomes "baggage" that you must carry around with you for the rest of your life, and, unfortunately, into your marriage itself. In my experience, that's the kind of totally unnecessary baggage that's difficult to carry and that can end up really hurting a spouse. 

Thanks for your consistent "voice of reason," Dr. Laura. I think you're a national treasure! 

Mer