September 15, 2014After Divorce, Put Your Kids First
Posted by Staff at 10:58 AM
Hello Dr. Laura,
Since I was a wee brat, my mom has been listening to, talking about, and referencing you. Also I wanted to share a revelation of mine, not for a pat on the back or a good job, but merely with some hope it might do someone else some good.
I have always had a very big problem with insecurity mixed with needing someone in my life. I would jump from woman to woman without a care of another's feelings or worries about how self-destructive I was. I married when I was 19. That ended with a lot of anger and eventually deep depression until I latched on to the next woman, the mother of my child. After my son was born, anger and resentment began building in the relationship until it was an almost certain violence was upcoming. So I did the only thing I knew how. I ran.
And without fail, into the arms of another woman. I was convinced this woman was going to be it. After about 6 months, the honeymoon period ended abruptly, and I found a sudden and fiery anger in my partner. But I was going to do this relationship differently, so I fought, and fought hard to make it work by going into therapy and such. After about 8 months into it, we decided it was a good idea to get married. After that, the violence began. I couldn't understand the raw fury coming from her at some of the strangest things. And only directed at me. Medicine adjustments would help for a week or two, but it always came full circle. It was simply frustrating. But as I said, I was convinced this would be the one.
When I was 25 years old, I gained custody of my son due to the abuse he suffered at his mother's hands.
Last April, my violent wife left to visit a friend and I had a lot of time to think. I had an epiphany. I realized how selfish I've been to my son by allowing the misery to continue. How I really wasn't that much better than his mother by allowing him to live in that environment. How much I've hurt him with my choices. I now am a divorced father and my son is happier than I've ever seen him. Over the phone, I still help my ex-wife work through her issues. When the divorce news hit her, she took it badly and attempted suicide. She has since been diagnosed with numerous mental issues. She is making great steps on becoming her own person. And I, after 27 short years of life, have finally found my center. I accept myself for me, I'm staying single while I continue therapy for me and my son who is starting kindergarten. And I finally have found peace and am working to repair my faith as well as instill it in my son.
Thank you. God bless.