Even though it may seem innocuous in the moment, there are certain things parents say to their kids that hurt more than they realize. Here are 4 seemingly harmless things you shouldn’t say to your kids:

1. “Hurry up.” Start things earlier if time is an issue, but don’t rush your kids. Kids want to dawdle, explore, and examine. They want to pet dogs, collect bugs, and daydream. It’s part of their development.   

2. “Calm down.” Telling someone to calm down does exactly the opposite of what you want - it escalates the situation. By telling your child to calm down, you’re basically saying that their feelings aren’t valid and there’s no reason to be upset.

3. “Don’t cry.” Instructing someone not to cry is like telling them not to bleed. It’s a perfectly healthy and natural emotional response.

4. “Not now.” Saying, “Not now,” and then pushing your child away is very hurtful to them. Stop what you’re doing, and give them some attention and affection. If you really can’t drop what you’re doing, say, “I love you, and I’d love to do this with you. Can it wait a moment until I finish what I’m doing so I can enjoy it more with you?” This teaches kids patience without making them feel unimportant next to whatever you’re doing.