After you have a baby, nothing is the same. You and your spouse are zapped of energy from not sleeping, and everything in your life (your dearly beloved included) may seem annoying. Here’s how to keep your relationship strong through this crazy time:

1. Show each other appreciation. From financial contributions to getting up at all hours of the night, make sure you show each other appreciation.

2. Be flexible towards your spouse’s parenting style. Whether it’s about rules, bedtime, or what to do when your child throws a tantrum, don’t be a know-it-all. You may be trying to repeat the atmosphere in your home, but there are lots of ways to burp a baby or put on diapers. Don’t get snarky and annoying about your way being the only way.  

3. Stop keeping track of who does what. When it comes to cooking and cleaning, you can no longer think about “roles” - it’s simply a mission to eat or clean up. Brainstorm together and work as a team.

4. Schedule time for intimacy. It can be really tough to feel sexy with a baby screaming and crying. On top of that, being tired makes you choose sleep over intimacy. However, you need to get mentally ready for getting some, just like you did when you were dating. Make sure your bedroom is free of the baby and baby accessories so you can go back to seeing each other as lovers.

5. Don’t let grandparents take over. Grandparents want a lot of baby time, but you can’t let them move in and rule the roost. Tell them you’re grateful, but you need time to yourselves with the baby and as a couple.

6. Be sensitive about money. It’s very easy to take your anxiety about money out on your baby and your spouse. Men especially don’t like to discuss money issues because they don’t want to feel like they’re not adequately taking care of their families. Talk to each other about finances without being accusatory.