May 7, 2010
A Fresh Resolve for the New Year: Patience
A Fresh Resolve for the New Year: Patience by Ann Brazil www.timeouttot.com Recently a number of mom-friends shared their New Year#146;s resolutions with me. Each mother has resolved to be more patient with her children. This is great news! Patience is an immensely important topic for parents and children. Over the next months as a regular feature of this newsletter, we#146;ll closely examine many of the factors that can influence patience. Join me every month as we put patience under the magnifying glass: why do we lose it, when do we need it most, what can we do to cultivate it, and how can we stretch it a bit further? I invite you to return here again and again for support. The facets of patience #150; and their significance to you #150; are manifold. The mothers who shared their resolutions with us reveal just a few. One mother is a public attorney who describes herself as a #147;bookish intellectual.#148; She feels guilty for taking no interest in playing #147;mindless one-on-one games#148; with her daughter. Another mother is a stay-at-home mom and describes her job as #147;hard work#148; and finds that her fuse gets short when she is over-worked. A third mother finds it painfully ironic that as a schoolteacher she seems to have loads of patience for her twenty 2nd graders, but at home with her toddler she loses it in an instant. These mothers#146; challenges with patience, or lack of it, are very real and very human. So are yours. What exactly is patience? The English word patience comes from the Latin root pati , which literally means #147;to suffer#148;. Despite the fact that these mothers have openly acknowledged that they lose their patience when they feel they are #147;suffering,#148; it is doubtful these mothers#146; resolve is to suffer more this year. They seek ways to calmly face their parenting difficulties with greater poise and understanding. Their resolve, then, is to transform their #147;suffering#148; into a virtue, like compassion. When we calmly endure our children#146;s imperfect behavior, maintaining that they are good, but little and still learning, we not only model one of the most valuable human virtues (patience), we then have the wherewithall to teach them #147;proper behavior.#148; Here are a few guidelines you and your child will appreciate. They are designed to help you cultivate and exercise more patience in those familiar patience-testing situations: Know what pushes your buttons. The last three times you snapped, just what exactly snapped you? Give yourself a reality check. Is your child intentionally pushing your buttons? Probably not. Social skills are learned, just like math and science. As Tot reminds us in his theme song, they#146;re learning . They will make mistakes. Remember you are the teacher. Your child learns by observing your example. What is the example you set when the little things lead to regrettable outbursts? Switch roles. Why can#146;t you just sit still!? Better to answer the question before you shout it. How do you set yourself up for disaster? Do you truly expect your toddler to wait patiently and quietly while you shop the post-Christmas sales at Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus? If so, did you bring a toy for her to play with while you wait in that line at the cash-wrap? Think like a child and think ahead. Put your lifestyle under the microscope. When you#146;re coming down from the morning#146;s mocha latte boost, are you more likely to lose it? Do you really need so much caffeine? You drink a glass of Merlot to relax: does it actually relax you or put you on edge? Getting enough sleep? Exercise? Do you prepare ahead for the next day? Breathe easy. Ever notice how contracted your breath becomes when you#146;re under stress? Just as your state of mind can change the way you breathe, your breath can change your state of mind also. Calm, even breathing steadies your mind, opens a space for patience to enter, and helps you detach from the buttons that, when pushed, ignite emotional outbursts. Your Homework for January Self-awareness is crucial if your resolution is to exercise more patience in 2005. This month, begin to notice what sets you off. Look for the patterns that lead to the misbehavior that tries your patience most. What is the time of day? Is your child tired? Hungry? Is he or she frustrated but unable to say why? For now, just take a look at yourself and your child in the mirror of each hour. Set your watch alarm to go off once every hour, if need be. When you hear the beep, check in with yourself. How#146;s it going? Keep a notepad and pen handy to jot down a quick note to yourself. And don#146;t forget to add a little reminder#133; you#146;re learning too#133;we all are. Learning from our mistakes may be the most painful learning process, but it#146;s the most productive! Please share your ideas and insights about patience with me and other readers. You#146;re always encouraged and welcome to drop me a line at www.TimeOutTot.com . Written by Ann Brazil, creator of TimeOut Tot -- the six-time award-winning program that teaches preschoolers good behavior. For more go to: www.timeouttot.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

Posted by Staff at 2:02 AM