May 7, 2010
Moms: This Year, Look AROUND The Tree For Gifts!
Moms: This year, look AROUND the tree for gifts! Remember back#133;to when you first held your baby? When that tiny bundle of tightly wrapped hospital blankets was placed in your arms? Remember that feeling when you looked down and saw that adorable little face for the very first time#133; It was the Fourth of July when I lay in the hospital bed looking down at my oldest son. I will never forget that incredible rush of emotion seeing his precious little face for the first time. I remember thinking to myself #147;Wow! Born on the fourth of July. Surely he#146;s going to be someone special. Someone who is going to do great things and make an impact on the world around him -- the President of the United States, maybe?#148; By the time I left the hospital I was convinced. Well, I lived my fantasy for three years. Until one day, my best friend came to me and said #147;Ann, something is wrong with Brian. Something is different about him. You need to have him tested.#148; Shocked and angry, I refused to believe her. #147;There was nothing wrong with my son!#148; I thought. #147;Or, was there?#148; Reluctantly, I had him tested#133;and retested#133;and tested again. What a heartbreak. The dream that had been born on the fourth of July 1985, died in 1988. At first we were told that Brian was developmentally delayed. This was explained to mean that it would take two--maybe three times longer for him to reach the typical milestones in early child development. Well, I was determined to prove them wrong. So, I began devouring everything in print on early childhood development as it related to people skills. I met with countless pediatricians, child psychologists, neurologists, behaviorists and teachers to educate myself. Despite every effort to keep pace with his peers, it did. It took Brian three, four, maybe FIVE times as long. Brian sat perched on the floor in the middle of a blanket, while other little boys and girls danced and skipped around him. At the beach, he sat in a bulging#150;sandy-dirty-diaper while his peers were running up and down the beach in lightweight swim trunks, Brian pointed, groaned and fussed for objects he couldn#146;t reach and didn#146;t have the words to describe, while his peers were telling fanciful stories. My little leader was falling strides behind other children his age, and the gap continued to grow with the passage of each year. The playgroups grew painful for me and uncomfortable for my friends. Little by little they dwindled, and were replaced by #145;private#146; play dates arranged in soft whispers around me. Five years later Brian was diagnosed mildly retarded. Heartache. But, good things are always bundled with the bad. Sure, you#146;ve got to sift through and look for them#133;and, sometimes you#146;ve gotta look pretty hard. There were many good things that resulted. One was the lesson I received in humility. All my life, I#146;ve been blessed me with an abundance of friends and opportunities for personal accomplishment. Never before had I felt such failure. Never before had I felt so alone. Another valuable lesson I learned#133;and honestly don#146;t think I could have before working with #147;special#148; children and having one of my own #133; is that all men are, in fact, created equal. In the #147;special#148; classrooms I was introduced to children from all walks of life, every kind of learning style and personality imaginable. I learned that every child has strengths and every child has weaknesses. There is greatness in each one, and it is our role as parents to discover their talents and then nurture them. It#146;s not always easy to find them. Some talents are great and others are very very small. Take my son Brian, for example. What gifts (talents) does this mildly retarded, young man have? He is good looking, warm and friendly. And like Forest Gump, you#146;d never know he was mildly retarded -- until you tried to carry on a conversation with him. Another gift#133;perseverance. Let me explain. Brian is now 19 years old, and last year he was a senior in high school. A month before the prom he decided that he was going. Now, despite the fact that he is good looking and friendly, he has never had a friend. Never. The clarity of his speech is so poor that it prevents him from carrying on a conversation with enough depth of exchange to form any lasting friendships. Well, when he made this announcement I was stunned. He#146;d never had a friend, what possessed him to think that he could get a girlfriend-- for the prom --that was a month away! But#133; he was determined! He took out last year#146;s yearbook to select his prom date, like it was that simple. Quietly, I was thinking to myself that maybe I could convince the neighbor across the street to go with him. When I dared to suggest this, he responded with a definite#147;No.#146; He was set on taking a girl from his high school. What was worse, when he pulled out the yearbook, he began pointing to every other gorgeous girl saying #147;I am going to take her to the prom#133;or her#133;or her.#148; He did not know their names, because he didn#146;t know THEM#151;yet. Later that night, he decorated some t-shirts and said he was going to give one to each girl he asked. Heartache. Sure enough, the next day he did just that! He asked each girl. How did I know? He came home without any shirts -- and without a prom date. This went on, day after day, until my heart couldn#146;t take it any more. Finally, I called his special education teacher and explained the situation. She already knew. He was just as possessed with finding a prom date at school as he was at home. In fact, everyone on campus knew Brian wanted to go to the prom. Even people at the supermarket and on the street were waving to me asking, #145;Does Brian have a prom date yet?#148; So, I asked his teacher, #147;Surely there is a girl at school who is just as desperate to go as he is? Would you kindly keep an eye out for one.#148; The week before the prom, I got a call from Brian#146;s teacher. #147;At school today, Brian stepped into a circle of very attractive, popular girls, and went right up to one named Kelly#133;and asked her to the prom! Taken a bit off guard, Kelly paused and said, #145;Well, Brian#133; let me think about it.#146; Pausing again she said, #145;No, I don#146;t have to think about it. Sure. I would love to go with you to the prom.#148; Brian#146;s teacher went on to explain that Kelly is a girl who could have gone to the prom with anyone she wanted to. She is drop dead gorgeous #150; inside and out. She just moved into town and had a tough time breaking into the social circles as a senior. Her heart went out to Brian. The town celebrated his perseverance. He#146;s a hard worker. Brian is one of those restless souls who draws great pleasure from being productive. He loves building and works outside until the sun goes down. In our yard, is what might look to you like a pile of wood -- to Brian; it is the tree house that he has been building for about six years now. He has built it and rebuilt around the tree (My only restriction was#133; no nails in the tree.) Thank goodness I stood firm. ) There must be well over 2000 nails in it, I am sure. Nonetheless, it has become a permanent fixture in our yard. Another type of work he enjoys is gardening. He trims the bushes in both front and back yards for me -- until the branches are barren. He also likes to clean windows. He cleans the windows on our house, leaving me with streak-stained spotted glass. He washes my car in the same fashion. Much to my relief he has taken these #147;talents#148; into the community. For the last year he has been picking up the trash throughout the city with his $10 trash #147;picker-upper#148; that he got at Target and we replaced three times, He rides an electric scooter because he can#146;t drive. Never will. With trash bag and trash picker-upper in hand, he covers three school yards, two parks not to mention the back alleys and parking lots #150; waving and smiling to everyone he meets along the way. Everyone waves back, including the police who ignore the fact that he rides an electric scooter (apparently they are against the law). Brian is a hard worker, and the town knows this. Brian is a law-abiding citizen. He is a rule follower! One might call it an obsession. I call it good citizenship. We live near the corner of an intersection in a very small town where there are no stop signs and there have been several fairly serious accidents. The city refuses to put in stop signs because they want to maintain the quaintness of the community. This bothers Brian#133;that people are not following the rules and speed through the intersection. It also bothers him that the city doesn#146;t do anything about it. Well, one day a car overturned, and Brian decided to take the law into his own hands. He ran to his room and got an old white t-shirt. He brought it to the kitchen table along with a big bottle of red paint and paintbrush. He was about to paint the shirt (and the wooden table, no doubt.) I raced to the table and intercepted him before he could begin, and asked as calmly as I could #147;What are you doing?#148; He told me he was going to paint his shirt. (That was as much as I could get out of him.) I asked him if he would please put newspapers beneath. I stood and watched. He painted a red stop sign on his shirt. Then, he put it on (wet) and stood on the corner directing traffic the rest of the afternoon. Truly a great citizen, and the town admire him for this. Now, Brian may never be the President of the United States, but I ask you#133;how many 19 year olds do you know who have made such an impact on a community? And, if my son can find a positive way to utilize his talents, just think what YOURS can do --with a little encouragement and A LOT of patience!! Don#146;t let the challenges of childrearing numb your feelings and blind you from seeing the #147;good#148; in your children. Celebrate their every little accomplishment and it will truly be a Happy New Year #150;Ann Brazil, creator of the award-winning TimeOut Tot . (www.timeouttot.com) To learn more about Ann and TimeOut Tot, visit www.timeouttot.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

Posted by Staff at 2:02 AM