I think parents unintentionally cause their children to fail by not learning how their child learns. Every child learns things differently. 

My child learned by being forced to face what she didn't want. For example: when my daughter turned 18, I was going through financial difficulties. (I never had any financial help from her "father".)  She was working, so I asked her for $50 dollars a month for room and board. She said she didn't feel it was her apartment, so why should she pay. I said, "Okay, I will have to rent a place I can afford on my current finances."  So I found a tiny three room apartment I could afford: bathroom, kitchen and living/bedroom. When she saw it, she said, "I'm not living in a place this small.  Find something else." I said, "Sorry. This is it, unless you help with rent." So she moved out, but she learned. She's been living on her own for three years now. Going to college, working and doing what she should. I'm very proud of her. 

My oldest nephew learns by trial and error. My youngest nephew learns by sitting back and watching to see what works best. Everyone is different. 

I treated my daughter like she was a valued member of the family and what she had to say was important. Most times, it wasn't done her way; I tried to treat her like a person with her own mind and feelings because Mommy will not always be there to save the day. She has to count on herself first. 

Carisa