May 7, 2010
Mom Thinks I'm A Slacker
MOM THINKS I'M A SLACKER By Cheryl Gochnauer If your parents and in-laws support your decision to be an at-home mom, givethem a big hug. Not everyone is so blessed. "My mother never misses an opportunity to let me know how unimpressed she iswith my choice," Brandy says. "I left my dream job to come home to my twodaughters. The catalyst was my oldest starting kindergarten, which wasgoing to change the routine drastically. My husband and I decided thatafter all the years of thinking about it, we would go for it. "My mom tried to talk me out of it, and now that it's done, she keeps makingcomments. We'll be in a store together and I'll point out something I like,and she says, 'Well, if you had your own money, you could get it.' "She also said my five-year-old is 'suddenly getting so hard-headed. Whendid this start?' Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I want to say, 'On the day Itook over raising her!' I also want to say, 'Don't worry. She'll be inschool full-time soon, and I won't have as much of a chance to mess her up.'She hasn't yet mentioned the two-year-old backsliding behavior-wise, but I'msure it's coming. "Mom's always worked, and she doesn't really enjoy small children, so shecan't understand why I would want to 'isolate' myself from adults, blah blahblah." "All I have to say is, I look at my girls and my husband, and don't worry abit about what she thinks - or try not to, anyway." Hang in there, Brandy. Everything you're going through is normal. Theinitial resistance from some relatives, the kids acting up - many newat-home parents experience the same things. You mentioned that your daughter is getting "hard-headed". Just wanted youto know that this is a very common occurrence when moms first come home. Allthe boundaries have changed, and so kids go into testing mode. My own two-year-old followed me around everywhere that first month. I wasalways tripping over her. But she was simply curious as to when I was goingto leave. After a few weeks, she settled down. Let your mother know that, in the long run, your children will likely bebetter behaved than if you weren't home. That's because you're on the sceneas a loving parent to immediately protect, correct or redirect according toyour family's values. Overall I'm a strong advocate of passive resistance when dealing withunsupportive people. Don't snap back at irritating comments, firing theconflict. Instead say something like, "I see your point" or "thank you forsharing your opinion." Notice I didn't follow either of those comments with "but.". There's an oldsaying about not throwing your pearls before swine. Now I'm not callingyour mother a pig! I simply mean that it does no good to share heart-heldbeliefs with someone who will only trample them. Watch for opportunities to bridge the gap in those quiet times when you andyour mother are friendly and open toward one another. It's not necessary totry to win her over in one conversation. Instead, let time do that, as shesees positive changes evolve and watches your marriage and her grandchildrenthrive because of your decision to be home. (Comments? Email Cheryl@homebodies.org . Or visit her website at www.homebodies.org where you can read a sample chapter of her book, "So YouWant to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom" (InterVarsity Press). Copyright2001 Homebodies.Org, LLC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.)

Posted by Staff at 1:56 AM