January 31, 2012Excluded at the Office
Hi, I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and welcome to our YouTube channel. Today, Jessica asks the following question:
"Without jeopardizing my own career, how do I deal with my supervisor's '6th grade relationship' antics (like excluding some people and favoring others) that have gone on for 10 years? The only time I get spoken to is when the supervisor wants something from me. Otherwise, I am excluded from coffee breaks, dinners, and the most hurtful was not being invited to the supervisor's daughter's wedding when several other folks in the office received invites.
It's late in my career and finding another job at this juncture is not an option I want to entertain. I informed my senior management about this situation some years ago, but nothing was done. I need strategies to withstand the pressures I encounter working with these people on a daily basis. Can you help?"
Yeah, this is called a job. If you can be friendly with some or all of the people at work, that's really nice. But, you have your friends, you have your family, you have your dearly most beloved and you have a supervisor. I don't see any reason why the supervisor's daughter should invite you to the wedding. You're not a close family friend. Why would they want to pay for a chicken dinner for you?
I think you are looking for friendship in all the wrong places. People come together because of an affinity. You can't force it, you can't demand it. You can take coffee breaks with anybody you want. You can invite anybody you want to dinner, but you can't have the expectation that everybody is supposed to want you as that kind of friend. If you have worked there for 10 years, you must be a good worker. You've retained your job. You are respected for what you do as an employee, that's what you are.
"I informed senior management." You know, I might have asked you to see a counselor if I was senior management and you came to me about this. I would be thinking, "Whoa, what she's demanding out of this situation is inappropriate." If people don't feel close, they don't feel close. At least everyone is treating you nice at work.
So, "6th grade relationships?" Have your relationships elsewhere. This is work. Everybody is nice and polite; that's all you can ask for.
"Pressures." The only pressure is from you demanding that you be seen as a certain something you are not. You don't like everybody.
"Several other folks in the office received." Well, that means they were friendly with those, but not others. This isn't 6th grade where you have to invite everybody in the class. You invite who you want.
So, if your supervisor doesn't feel like a close friend with you, so be it! As long as your supervisor is professional, that's the only thing you should be expecting.
I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing!
Posted by Staff at 12:31 PM
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