Dr. Dar Hawks
www.drdar.com

A mature female salmon’s purpose is to make it to her natal river to lay her eggs and get them fertilized by a male before she dies.  Kind of macabre, but having a clear purpose and goal is what’s important here.  The female salmon's journey starts in the salt-water ocean.  

When she is ready to spawn, she swims thousands of miles to fresh water rivers and streams.  On her journey she is met with poachers, sport fishermen who catch and release, fishermen who catch for profit, bears, birds of prey, wolves, and other voraciously hungry mammals.  

Part of her journey also includes jumping upstream through a strong waterfall to get up to her natal river or stream.  Against all odds, many females make it to their natal river to spawn.

How is this analogous to dating?  

Women throw themselves into dating, repeatedly meeting the same type of guy, hoping that sex creates a more committed relationship, or putting all their faith into one guy at a time while having short relationships that sadly fail time and time again…kind of like swimming upstream and running into the obstacles that the female salmon has to fight to survive.  

When it comes to dating, women rely on chance.  Stop swimming upstream to find your mate.  Instead, do what you do best already.  

As a successful woman, how did you learn about your career or how to succeed in school?  You probably read about the subject, took some classes, and applied your newfound knowledge in your life with a lot of practice until you knew it was right for you or you succeeded.

Seven Steps to Stop Swimming Upstream to Find Your True Mate

1. Know your ultimate purpose for dating:  dating for fun with no commitment; for a variety of experiences to determine the qualities of your true mate; to have a long-term committed and exclusive relationship; or to find the man you are going to marry. Each of these dating purposes has a unique approach and strategy.


2. Know and don't ignore your deal breakers.  Ideally deal breakers are 5 to 7 things you know right now will not work for you such as sexual or emotional cheating, financial instability, always lived with parents, etc.  


3. Connect with dating, love, and relationship experts on social media; read and take classes to become confident with interacting with people. Follow experts who inspire and elevate you. Don’t force yourself to connect with experts you feel uncomfortable with no matter how famous they are…if it does not feel right, walk away.


4. You are in control of choosing who you date, where you go, when you go, and for your own safety…if it does not feel right, walk away.


5. Don't suffer through a bad date.  Exit gracefully and be empowered. Be polite but add honesty to it instead of being polite and suffering until the date ends...if it does not feel right, walk away.


6. Say NO more often to people and things that do not align with you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or intuitively.  


7. Stop thinking or expecting you should be able to do this on your own.  

Finding your true mate is a numbers game.  You’re going to have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. Dating is really not that hard if you learn to say NO more often and walk away sooner.
Remember this counterintuitive secret:  The more you say no to Mr. Wrong, the more you attract Mr. Right.


Dr. Dar is a Master Licensed Relationship Coach, Author, Speaker, Human Design Specialist, Metaphysician and Spiritual Counselor. She makes the impossible totally do-able for singles and couples through her logical success-minded and human design approach to love, communication and relationships.  For more tips visit www.StopBeingSingle.com and www.LoveHimLoveHer.com.  Dr. Dar and her husband Chuck live in North Carolina.Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.