While listening to your show one day, I heard a caller ask for advice on how to say “No.” Your advice was met with a response of "but, but, but." As you continued the call, you began describing the characteristics of a people-pleaser. All I could think to myself as I listened to your description was how much you were describing ME. I was always willing to do whatever other people needed, with no thought for myself. You went on to say that if the caller struggled to say “NO,” then to try saying, "Not at this time." You described how people-pleasing and lending money or doing favors can ruin relationships.
When my youngest daughter first moved out of the house, she struggled to meet her expenses and was always asking to borrow money. How could I possibly say no to my fledgling, struggling to fly on her own? The calls for money became more frequent. First it was for car insurance, then rent, then groceries and even borrowing money to pay back cash advances. She always asked to borrow money with the promise of paying me back with her next paycheck. I tallied up my most recent loans, and they amounted to almost $5,000!
The next time she called and asked for money, I remembered your words and said, "I'm so sorry honey. I just can't do that now." After saying this several times, she stopped asking to borrow from me. Now I am quite confident in stating why I cannot or choose not to do something.
Thank you, Dr. Laura. From a long-time listener and follower.
Charlotte
You Taught Me How To Say No
Have you taken my advice from a call you heard and applied it to your own life? I'd love to hear what happened next! Share your stories with me by emailing drlaura@drlaura.com!
