Dr. Laura Blog

Sex is not what keeps people happily married, it’s the intimacy. The amount of sex can wane over the years, but if the intimacy level stays healthy, that’s a happy marriage. Here’s how to keep the intimacy alive in your marriage:

• Touch. Few things make someone feel more intimate and connected to another person than touch. In the preemie ward at the hospital, parents, nurses and volunteers are constantly touching the babies because without that constant touch, they don’t thrive. That never changes. Holding hands, snuggling on the couch, touching each other’s necks as you walk by, and wrapping your legs around each other when you’re going to sleep maintains that feeling of intimacy.

• Kiss each other like you mean it. Remember when you were first dating and you couldn’t stop kissing each other? If your kisses are now just pecks on the cheek, that’s not intimacy. Kiss like you mean it.

• Do sweet nothings for each other. If your spouse likes those little crackers with peanut butter in the center, get some while you’re out. It shows him or her that you’re paying attention. Sweet nothings are more important than big gifts and grand gestures. You know the other person cares because of the small things.

• Break the routine. The same routine year after year gets boring, stale and suffocating. It’s time to get out of your comfort zone. Sign up for a class or a new physical activity together, such as tennis, golf, fishing, boating, or running.