If I Had A Magic Wand...
I'd go back in time and have a re-do of some of the mistakes I had made.
I would have been involved in sports, instead of guys.
I would have made guys work for it, not given it away freely.
I would have gone to college, heck those four years flew by anyway but I have nothing to show for it.
When a guy said he loved me I would have watched his actions, rather than listen to his words.
If three or more people warned me a guy was not good for me, I would have listened. God has a way of getting our attention and usually it is through others (since he does not actually appear in the flesh to say WAKE UP - WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!!)
I would have thought of myself as precious china, saving myself for marriage and the right man as opposed to a throw away paper plate, which is how I was treated because I did not value myself enough.
I would have spent more time in the gym and less time on my back.
I would have spent more time outdoors rather than in a bar drinking.
I would have enjoyed being a child and stop trying so hard to be an adult before I actually was an adult (once innocence is gone, it's gone).
I would have stopped thinking my biological clock was ticking and I had to hurry up and get married.
I would have spent my time making sure I was the kind of woman who could attract an amazing honest, hardworking man, instead of marrying the one who was asking and in a hurry to get married. (There was a reason he was in a hurry, once I found out who he really was, I was already married with a baby.)
I would listen to the still small voice that would warn me when I was going in the wrong direction and then I would actually change directions.
I would have never talked on the telephone while my child was awake.
I would have never rushed my child to bed so I could relax and unwind.
I would have never dated after the divorce. I would have given 100% of me all the time to my child.
I would have never brought men into my home trying to re-create a family I thought my child needed.
When I felt lonely I would make a gratitude list, call a friend in need and be there for them, take a bath, read a book, hug my child again and again.
I would never take out the stress of the day or the fear of financial insecurity by yelling.
I would only build my child up, I would not yell or curse or punish. I'd just love and laugh and play.
I would not worry so much about what others think.
I'd answer every single "Mommy what's this", "Mommy what's that", "Mommy what's this", "Mommy how come this" asked of me. If I did not know the answer I'd make it an adventure to find the answer together.
Regret keeps me awake at night. You can never get a re-do. You can only pass along what you know for sure to be the wrong way to do it and hope and pray that others listen and avoid the pain if they can.
Beverlie
