In today's Daily Dose, Dr. Laura asked, "Did you ever let yourself "go" physically after you were married? How did it affect your relationship with your husband or wife?" Here are some responses:
From Theresa:
There was one time I let myself go during my marriage. My husband was very busy at work, 60hr weeks, I was working almost full time and my twins were 2 through 4 yrs old. I was so angry that I was doing way more than my fair share I stuffed myself to make up for deprivation in other areas of my life. I was also afraid I might give into temptation to cheat if my weight was at a healthy range. The weight allowed me to hide and kept me safe in that area.
Since that difficult time in our marriage, I cut back and finally quit work, trusted my husband to care for us and not abandon me even if I no longer made the big pay check and give up the rat race. I lost about 26lbs, had time to exercise and take care of myself and no longer resented the kids or my husband when they needed me. I also had more energy since I no longer had to spend it at work. I am now married very happily for 22 yrs. My husband would never want to go back to that sad, overstressed wife no matter how big the paycheck.
Diane:
I have always tried to be attractive for my spouse. We have now been married for 37 years, raised a son and daughter and are still friends and lovers.
One compromise I have had to make is in my hair style/length. I prefer my hair shorter than I have worn it for the past 15 years. My husband does not like my hair shorter so I go to the trouble to keep it a little longer than shoulder length. It takes longer to dry and style my hair, but since he loves it longer, I can always pin it up when I am working outside or participating in sports or doing yard work that gets me too hot to leave it long and loose.
We try to do what makes each other happiest! That is one little step in having a long, happy marriage. My hubby told me once he wants to do and act in a way that makes me feel safe and happy! I love him for that.
DeNise:
I would like to say, I have not let myself go after marriage. I have been married almost 28 yrs. I only weigh a few more pounds than when I was in my 20's. I work hard to keep my shape, eating right and lifting those weights (Kettlebells for over 4 years!!)
I feel it is a "gift" I give my husband. I am 55 yrs old but still look like the girl he married in the early 80's. He is so kind. Whenever we are out, he looks around the room and tells me he is lucky, because he has the most beautiful woman in the room. I think I am the lucky one; I have a man who will do anything for me.
Thank you Dr. Laura, I have been listening to you since late night radio in LA.
Nancy:
After having 4 children with my husband I was unable to get off the last 35 lbs and kept it on for approximately 16 years. As a result my husband began staring at other women to the point of turning in his chair when we were out in public. It was humiliating for me!
After years of this behavior and years of counseling I was able to lose the 35 lbs. Much to my surprise I found a much stronger and much more confident person I had also lost. The truth of the matter is I stopped worrying about the women my husband was staring at and began to take better care of myself in every way. That turned out to be what was more appealing to him than the 35 lbs I had taken off.
We are both much happier and have a wonderful marriage, in part to that, and from listening to you Dr. Laura! My husband always tells people you are the best thing that ever happened to me!!!
Mary Clare:
Just recently, I have experienced how important this is. In my case, it relates to my husband. By letting his dental care lapse, going days without shaving and dressing like a slob, I recoiled and put a distance between us. When I would ask about a dental appointment, or for him to shave "just for me" he would snicker and not take action. As it turns out, he entered into an emotional affair with a work colleague recently, during which he asked her how she felt about a guy being unshaven and dressing for comfort. He really didn't like I requested a certain level of attractiveness in order to be eager for sex with him. I guess what I am saying is that it is not just up to the woman to stay fit and attractive. Men must understand they can influence how the marriage goes based on how attractive they make themselves. Yes, staying attractive matters...and it takes two to keep the fires burning!
Lauren:
Good morning Dr Laura,
I saw your email this morning about letting yourself go after getting married. My amazing husband and I were married almost 5 years ago. After we married, I started a new job and just let everything go. I gained 30 pounds in the first year. I have been sluggish and not happy with myself or the way my husband sees me.
Last summer, I made the choice to "eat less and move more." I now go to the gym at least twice a week, put my dinner on the smallest plate I have, and I have dropped 25 pounds. I am working my way down a total of 70 pounds so I am my healthiest when my husband and I start a family. We are definitely having much more fun practicing now!
Thank you for being an inspiration and helping me be my husband's girlfriend!
