Hi Dr. Laura,
In my opinion, there is no such thing as “safe sex”. There is only abstinence. And that's what we're teaching our 13-year-old son. I have never let him attend the sex education classes in school. I’m his mother and it’s my job to teach him what I believe is age appropriate on the subject of sex. I think that the school class is great for the children who do not have the support at home, but for my child he gets the support. I get a lot of slack from my son on this, because he is usually the only kid who doesn’t attend and ends up sitting in the library doing worksheets. I told him too bad. I also told him to tell the other kids that it’s my decision and if they don’t agree they are more than welcome to call me. No one has yet to call.
When it comes to STD’s I find the nastiest pictures online and those are the ones I show him. We talk about how you can get them, the consequences of having an STD and the procedures for testing. I also include pictures of the procedures, which for the man is NOT pleasant!
I tell him how much a child costs. At the end of each year, I total up all the school pictures, athletic fees, activities, and in general anything extra needed for school show him how much he has cost for just those particular things. It’s usually close to $1500.00. I can tell him all day that kids are expensive, but when I show him what HE cost and then ask him what he would do with the extra money it seems to bring it into perspective for him. I ALWAYS tell my son that I chose to have him, so I’m good with giving up things for myself to provide for him.
I’m teaching my son that believing having sex before you are married is wrong and that he will be picked on for this belief, but this is when he will learn how much strength he has as a MAN, not a boy. I’m teaching him only true men have the courage to stand up for what they believe in. I’m teaching him boys follow other boys, but men lead. I’m teaching him that from here on out he will have people say they are his friend, but will make fun and talk about him. When that happens he shouldn’t get mad, but be strong, and to understand he has just been shown who his real friends are.
I get a lot of "you’re not being realistic" from my acquaintances. I don’t care what they think is realistic and that’s exactly what I tell them. These are my beliefs and my realities and I’m passing them onto my son. My real friends do understand. Being a good mom isn’t easy. Being a teenager isn’t easy. In both cases doing what’s right is a lot harder than doing what everyone else is doing.
The other day, my son said to me, "Mom, I'm good with waiting until I get married to have sex. I don't want to have to pay for child before that -- I want a Lamborghini, instead."
Proud mom of a great teenager,
Brandee
