I grew up in a home where my parents fought a lot and always in front of me. I actually have a memory of getting in between them during a conflict to help settle a disagreement. I was probably 12 years old.
I don't want to blame them for my behavior; however, it did impact me and my relationships as an adult. It had a lasting impact on my relationship with my former spouse and also with my close friendships. I used to believe that every significant relationship needed to have a giant blow out and then reconciliation. Then I knew the relationship was strong and meaningful. If the other person would continue to be with me after that, then they must love me.
I did not realize I was damaging my relationships with this behavior. I thought I was making them stronger. It took me decades to realize this. Now I know that conflict is not something I should create to prove the strength of the relationship. Treating the other person with respect, kindness, decency, and love, is the way to make the relationship meaningful and strong.
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