Premium Podcast Help Contact Dr. Laura Dr. Laura Designs Return to
Join Family Premium Login Family


3 Ways to Get Your Best Guy Friend OUT of the Friend Zone

by DeAnna Lorraine 

All us gals have a guy friend or brother who we know is just such an awesome and nice guy. We know he's deserving of a really great woman and we want to see him hooked up, yet for some reason he seems to have little luck with attracting or keeping the ladies. 

As a Dating & Relationship Coach helping men and women over the last decade, it isn't actually much of a mystery why this happens to great guys, as there are patterns that all of them repeat. So be a good wing-girl and share these 3 secrets with him to assist him in permanently getting out of the Friend Zone with women. Make sure his 2017 rocks!  

  • 1. "Flirt Upfront" - rather than "Friend" upfront. Lead with Flirting, not your Friend card. Most of the time, the overarching reason why guys fall into the friend zone in the first place is because they started off with trying to be her friend! 

If dating were poker, they lead with the "friendship card," and think that the way to attract a woman is by trying to be her friend first, and doing innocent and "nice" things for her like offering to feed her cat when she's on vacation, offering to help her with her business, listening to her vent about her ex-boyfriend, and taking her out for meals and activities just to "hang out," without making any moves on her.

Well if you lead with the Friend Card - then surprise, surprise - you're going to have her think of you as a friend!

Also, it's a bit sneaky, trying to act like her platonic friend at first all the while with a hidden agenda of thinking you can later on try to pull a switcheroo on her. Most guys don't realize that this is ineffective - because once a girl has it cemented in her head that you're just her friend, it's too late to try to pull the romantic moves. 

When you like a girl, rather than being her friend upfront, make it clear to her that you are attracted to her by flirting with her and being playful. Which brings me to my next point...

  • 2. Be more Assertive upfront. Most guys who frequently fall into The Friend zone move at a very slow pace - too slow for most women. They tend to behave very cautiously and passively, and don't put any moves on a girl - until it's too late. 

And because they tend to be more cautious and reserved, and afraid of both rejection and potentially coming across too aggressive to girls, they have a hard time making it obvious to women through both their words and their actions, that they are attracted and interested in her beyond a friendship. 

Women respond to a man taking the lead, and they look to the man to initiate most of those unspoken "signals" and behaviors that progress a romantic relationship, like expressing interest and attraction, touching and holding hands, the first kiss, and so on. 

So when a guy doesn't initiate those things, in typical time frame that most experienced and confident guys do, she'll usually conclude that he's either not attracted to her, he's gay, or he's just not a sexual person. And none of those options are what you'd like a girl to conclude about you! 

  • 3. Lead with your humor, confidence more, rather than your "Niceness." As mentioned already, most guys who have the friend zone pattern have a misunderstanding of what qualities and behaviors women are really attracted to the most upfront. 

They tend to believe that if they are successful, intelligent, have their life together, and are a very well-mannered and nice guy, that women should want them. So they are genuinely baffled when they go on a date, they choose the best restaurant or activity, they were the perfect gentleman, they had good conversations and he treated her so nicely... Why he'll later get the old "I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling the chemistry" text. 

We get that you're nice. We hope that you'll be a gentleman and that you're successful. We're hoping those things are just a given, but they're not necessarily things that make a woman's stomach - and other areas -  do backflips.

Since you're already so adept at being nice, focus instead on making it as fun a date as possible, and demonstrating your confidence and high value. When you carry yourself with confidence, and you can make a woman laugh and have fun, that's when she'll be thinking, "Wow, I can't wait to see him again!"

Ms. DeAnna Lorraine is an internationally-acclaimed Relationship and Dating Coach and is recognized as one of the most trusted dating experts for men in the world. She is respected largely for her extensive knowledge of modern dating, relationships, and attraction, coaching men for over a decade into attracting amazing women and becoming the kind of confident, desirable man that every woman wants. Her revolutionary Coaching, Makeovers and Matchmaking programs has transformed men from shy dud to sexy stud, and has led to countless blissful relationships all around the world. Go to her website to download your free copy of her guide, The 3 Biggest Mistakes Men Make that Kill Women's Attraction.  Permission granted for use on  
Tags: Attitude, Behavior, Choose Wisely-Treat Kindly, Dating, Friendships, Relationships
< Back to Relationships Archives