Relationships

By Rebecca Johnson Osei, PsyD
www.conciergepsychology.com/ 


Commercial media is full of examples of every couples' deepest fear: that as time progresses their love will change and fade to a point at which it is irreparable. While it is true that love changes over time, that change can be a positive shift toward a deeper and more connected love, and long-term commitment does not need to mean the end of your passion or sex life.

Here are some tips for keeping the love and romance alive in your relationship.

1. Say I love you.
   Say it a lot! No, it is not going to mean less if you say it more. When you first fell in love, you said it all the time, right? If you want to feel like you're newly in love then you also need to act, and talk, like you are. Let them know that they are still the center of your universe!


2. Touch.
   You know how they say that new couples cannot seem to keep their hands off each other? That's because they can't! This is the basis for a fun cause-and-effect relationship. The more you touch, the more you want to touch! And the more you touch, the closer you tend to feel emotionally. According to an NPR article by Michelle Trudeau, physical touch can reduce the stress hormone cortisol and increase the feel-good hormone oxytocin. 


3. Understand each other's love languages.
   And then make sure you are communicating in their language! You can both take the free love languages assessment at www.5lovelanguages.com. Then discuss the results with each other. Do not try to show your partner that you love them in your language, show them in theirs! After all, truly loving someone means doing things that make them happy.


4. Reminisce.
   Finally, remember that every couple is unique and you fell in love for your own unique reason. Take time to think back on your early relationship. What is it about them that initially took your breath away? When was the moment you knew you were in love? When did you decide this was someone you wanted to spend your life with? 

It is easy to dwell on what is wrong in our relationships, or what we view as wrong with our significant others. Psychology indicates that what initially attracted us to our mate may later become something that irritates us. For example, what we saw as "laid back" initially may now seem lazy. And "passion" may be viewed as sensitivity or a tendency to overreact. 

Instead of spending your time thinking about the things your significant other has done to annoy you, like forgetting to wash the dishes, use that time to think about the things that they did right! There are two sides to every coin, the key is to make sure you're looking at the side that you like!



Dr. Rebecca Johnson Osei is the owner of Concierge Psychology, one of the first true concierge psychotherapy practices. By accepting only a limited number of clients, Dr. Osei is able to offer a flexible schedule with remarkable accessibility. Clients can expect discreet and individualized services to address a variety of concerns, including anxiety, stress, depression, relationship issues, work-life balance, and improving work performance and life satisfaction. http://www.conciergepsychology.com/ Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.