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Letters From Listeners

Am I Enabling My Children

Hi Dr. Laura, 

I was fortunate to talk with you and discuss the pyscho-babble, specifically, of "enabling" my children. At the time, I felt it was a fine line between nurturing/parenting, and "enabling". My concern was I might be preventing my children from being independent, productive, and responsible adults. One example I gave you was, in your opinion, "enabling" and the other example was "nurturing". You then suggested I list ten examples and call back. 

Well, I promptly sat down and started my list. I made it to number six when I realized these things I do are nurturing and good parenting. I stay involved in their busy lives and schedules. I follow up on their grades both good and bad and have discussions about school, time management, choices, etc. I confirm, as they get into the car, that they remembered all they need for the day. If it's a busy athletic week, with multiple races or practices, I will wash their uniforms TWICE if necessary. Then, it occurred to me that I am not really concerned about "enabling" them because, frankly, I wouldn't change these things I do. The things I do are are a way I show my children I care and love them. So, I've resolved to ignore the "pyscho-babble" aka crazy talk of others and plow forward with life. 

Of course, if any of our sons are 30 and still living at home, I'll be calling you back. Thank you for your time and forcing me to think! 


Tags: Behavior, Mental Health, Motherhood-Fatherhood, Parenting, Values
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