From my personal experience and from listening to your show I have come to the conclusion when it comes to abusive people men are like battleships and women are like submarines.
When there is abuse in relationships, men behave more like a battleship: on the surface, loud, and visible for all to see. Everyone seems to know about it police, family, and neighbors. Movies are made about it, magazines and books are written about it, and legislatures write laws concerning it.
Women are different, when there is abuse almost noboby seems to know. When an abusive women attacks, her firepower it is seen by few, is often silent, and is launched from below the surface. Nobody seems to know including the man himself, and many observers are often fooled into thinking that the woman herself is the victim.