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Email of the Day
Cutting Ties To Save My Family
Cutting Ties To Save My Family

Dear Dr. Laura:

For the longest time, I didn't understand why I had become my parents' therapists.  I was put in the middle from the time I can remember.  My father even said to me "when you leave home, your mom and I will probably divorce."  I didn't have a choice when I was under their roof, but as I got older, I certainly had a choice.  The problem was I kept up the role as their "shrink."  I felt like a complete savior when I fixed situation after situation.

Finally, I thought about my unhealthy role in my parents' marriage and how I was betraying my own husband by committing time and emotion to help my parents.  Then I realized I wasn't giving it up because I held all the control, and I needed to make sure I was driving the train that was my parents' marriage.  Only then was I able to stop.  I sweetly told my parents that I couldn't talk to them about their relationship anymore.  It took a while to fully relinquish my role, but I have a much happier husband and a better-quality marriage.

Giving up such a powerful position wasn't easy, but it had to be done.  Thanks for everything you do and for helping me to see the importance of doing the right thing.


Remember, all of you can send me "letters" too - by email!  Just sign into (or sign up for) the Dr. Laura Family - it's free - and tell us of your experiences. 

Tags: Character-Courage-Conscience, Parenting, Personal Responsibility, Relationships, Relatives, Values
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