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Email of the Day

Even When It Doesn't Feel Like It's Worth it, It IS!

Dear Dr. Laura:

Twelve years and three kids after my wedding, my marriage was in rough shape.  I was a stay-at-home mom who homeschooled, but babydom and toddlerhood with three kids had taken its toll.  I wasn't being my husband's girlfriend, and we grew apart.  A pornography addiction almost split us up.  

I was outwardly angry at first, but then I read your book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."  I started to implement the suggestions.  He still lied and tried sneaking around, but through it all, I was steadfast in just loving him.  There were so many days when I didn't want to.  I didn't want to rub his feet or greet him warmly.  I didn't want to make him his favorite meals.  I didn't want to lovingly see him off in the morning.  After five months of loving him, despite his selfish and mean ways, and after telling him I wasn't going anywhere because we owed our children a peaceful home, I thought nothing would change.  Then I started teasing him instead.

One day I found a plumbing screw in his shirt pocket.  So, even though intimacy was elusive for us, I approached him and said, "do you want to...." and pointed to the object I was holding.  After that, I began leaving it in his jeans, his shirt or by the sink.  After two weeks of this silliness, I got the kind of change I never could have imagined.  He now brings me gifts, does caring things, is complimentary, helpful and I'm the envy of all my friends.  It took time, but I fully credit your ways and my resolve to see it through to my new happy life.  I hope all women have the courage to keep going even when it doesn't feel like it's worth it.


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Tags: Choose Wisely-Treat Kindly, Marriage, Personal Responsibility, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, Values
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