Good morning Dr. Laura,
This morning as I was returning from walking my dog at the dog park, I noticed a beautiful black Labrador in the parking lot of the Clubhouse in my community. I stopped to see if there was anybody with the dog. Nobody was around. I pulled in, got out of the car, and the dog ran to me and practically jumped into my arms. I let my own dog out of the car, and the two played. We waited a while in the hopes somebody would come looking for a dog. No one came. I invited the dog into my car, she jumped in, happy as could be.
I drove around looking for anybody who might recognize the dog. How could I do this mid-morning in the middle of the week? My boys, now 24 and 27, are off and on their own, and I am running my own business from my home. How I wish I would have thought of this sooner.
When my boys were only two and five, I divorced. My husband and I had lost everything prior to the divorce- so we literally had nothing. I found a job that kept me away from home from 7 AM until about 8 PM. I did earn enough to hire an au pair to live at my house. I missed my boys, but knew I was doing the right thing because we needed a place to live and food to eat. And, of course, I needed "a life".
About an hour ago, after bringing the dog to my home, putting a collar on her, and finding a second leash, she, my dog, and I went walking through the neighborhoods looking for her home. Strolling down the block was a woman with a stroller- and the cutest little girl in it. She was pointing at the dogs so I went over so she could pet them. The little girl squealed, and when the dogs licked her hands she raised them above her head so excited to show us that the dogs licked HER hands- she was just thrilled! She hugged the woman so tightly and sweetly-giggling ad laughing- and I said to the woman, your daughter is just the cutest little thing! She said, oh, she's not my daughter- I take care of her while her parents work.
And it hit me. What had I done? How many of those moments did I miss? How many times did my au pair get that enthusiastic hug, see that beaming smile, see that excitement in my child's eyes- and I wasn't there. It wasn't the first time I wished I could turn back the clock- in fact every time I see a small child do something adorable- I think about all those moments I missed while working.
If I could do it over again, it would be very different. And I do know my children would have been so much better off. Thank G-d my boys and I have a wonderful relationship, but I often see the scars of those years I wasn't home.
Oh, the dog? She is chewing a bone next to my feet now, waiting for her family to come home. I did locate the owners and they can't wait to come pick her up. She'll see this as an adventurous day. I'll remember it as another day that I had sad memories of not being there with my kids at some very special times.
Thank you for spreading the word that Mom's should do whatever they can to stay home with the little people who need them the most.
Shari
