Dr. Laura,
This is in response to a recent caller who had no support system around her.
My husband was a chaplain in the military. When I had our son, I too did not have a support system. I was 850 miles away from our family. I became depressed and angry. I was angry with him that he was able to get out of the house and have fun. I quit cooking for him and taking care of him the way he needed. Then he was deployed to Afghanistan.
After my husband came home on a two-week “R and R,” I realized our marriage was in a shambles. I immediately made an appointment with a therapist, worked on my issues, lost the weight my husband had been begging me to lose, and changed myself into the woman we both needed me to be. But it was still almost too late. Another woman in Afghanistan had already treated him the way he needed. She was holding him when he cried over the deaths he had witnessed. She was with him working out in the gym. She told him everything he wanted to hear. So when he returned home this summer, I was faced with the fact my husband had bonded with another woman and was thinking of leaving me.
Thankfully, he realized I had changed.
We have been working on our marriage for the past five months. Things are still not perfect, but they are getting much better. He wants to stay together - especially for our son. I want him to stay. We are on the way to a full recovery. I wish I had realized how important a support system was before this. I wish I had taken care of my husband. Women, don't forget your man wants to be loved and cherished just like you. And military wives, your husband has been through hell; love him and hold him like a little boy when he needs it. We will never know the horrors they have witnessed.
A.
