Yikes, I was the
call of the day. I am the woman you said that I didn't deserve more. I have gone back over a dozen times to the same man. When I was talking with you, I was so angry, hurt and afraid to talk. I reached out to you because intellectually I do understand how foolish I have been. However, hope and most likely my trying to repair the abandonment fear I have since childhood that I keep returning to him.
I keep listening to our call and pray I will finally get what you were trying to say to me. Even though I was feeling frustrated because I wanted more of a shoulder to cry on, you kept holding my feet to the fire of REALITY. I now realize the healthy part of me called you. While at times you did sound harsh, I see that harsh is what I truly needed. For that I thank you. You told me I had to find my time exploring. You also yanked me back into line when I tried to tell you what I have been doing, and when I was trying to tell you I was afraid. You don't even know me, but you truly cared the most to be honest with me.
You told me I have to find my purpose. I truly still don't understand what you meant by that. I am trying to figure it out. I put myself into rehab 8 years ago and have been sober. I still remember in some of the counseling I was CONVINCED that everyone was talking in riddles to me. I couldn't quite grasp what was so obvious!! Well, once the alcohol induced fog lifted and sometime had past, I started to understand all of the 'riddles'. I am sharing this bit of my past history with you to say thank you.
At the end of our call you told me to trust you, not myself. You seemed to just know that I needed to trust something. I am trying to learn to trust my gut. Until then I am going to do what you said, I am going to trust you until it doesn't sound like 'riddles' to me and it finally makes sense. While I was going through our call, and after the subsequent listens, I realize you cut to the chase to start the healing instead of letting us, the callers, bemoan our angst. I was so frustrated and borderline angry with what, at the time, seemed your insensitivity. Now after some time, listens, and still not being able to stand on my head and spit out wooden nickels, I realize your seemingly abruptness truly is to let us, the callers, see our pattern of stuck and finally have the courage to actually push past the stuck with grit.
Thank you for taking the time to help me and thank you for the continued gift of your wisdom.
Kris
